To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

What, not even for a few hours with their phones switched on and promising to come back if she asks them? I can't think of anyone who had someone at home full time leading up to the birth.

This.

And never mind the bloody theatre, professional footballers have missed games as their partner was about to give birth.

Presumably in labour though not "just in case"?

Even having a partner though is no guarantee that a back up plan isn't also needed.

Depending on how far away they work, how easily contactable & can they leave work immediately for example.

I think it's really sad you are even debating this. She's your daughter, she's pregnant with your grandchild and she's understandably frightened and anxious about giving birth. I would absolutely stay close by, just to alleviate her worry. Surely you won't be able to enjoy the theatre and time away knowing it's upsetting her?

This ^

I have a DH but he works 50 mins away - shall I tell him not to work for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy “just incase”

All of my friends DH’s also worked between 45-60 mins away during their pregnancies

In the real world it’s not possible to have 24/7 standby support

@diddl I'd guess so too. I can't imagine a footballer missing a game when his wife is 36 weeks up until the birth. He'd have to miss about a month of games if she went to full time!

This is about a lot more than a theatre trip, the DD needs professional help. How will she manage looking after a newborn with this amount of anxiety?

For all the people saying it's not always possible to have someone on standby when pregnant - I agree and of course people have to work etc which is totally unavoidable. But going to the theatre is hardly comparable - it can be missed and is simply choosing your enjoyment over your daughter's wellbeing.

It does mean that the DD will be checking that her parents are not over an hour away for the next 9 days. Or that the parents need to reassure the DD that they will not be over an hour away.
With this level of anxiety I think they all need to work towards back up plans.
What if.....flat tyre, both parents get stomach bug, get stuck in traffic.
Guaranteeing you'll be available 24/7 for 9 days is quite a pressure.

If she went to full time 😂

I'd missed that!!

Very good!

I don't have grandchildren yet (hurry up DC!!), but in this position I'd make sure I was on hand just in case. Haven't rttt but is your DH her biological dad? I ask this because I'm pretty sure my DH (father of my DC) would agree with me

That's just a guilt trip. Unfair. That's what the OP's daughter is doing too.

We don't know anything about the health or mental heath of the parents either. They actually may just need to take their brains out for a while and enjoy themselves.

People are talking as if they're going to the theatre on the day of the c-section. It is when she's 36 weeks. It's a trip to the theatre that is an hour away. The only issue is the daughter's anxiety.

I'm surprised at the people talking as if pregnant women have people around them 24/7 in the month before she's due. Don't most husbands work up until the birth? Paternity leave is so short that we just used it from when the baby was born.

Personally I'd probably miss the trip because I'd find it hard to enjoy the day given the state of her daughter. The daughter is being completely unreasonable but it's understandable given the circumstances. You should be able to go to the theatre later when the baby is here. It'd be a big problem if she's still demanding you don't go then.

Could your dh go with a friend instead of you?

You're caught in the middle here. Whether or not you should go (personally I would): you will spend the whole time worrying about your daughter; her anxiety may cause her to call you anyway; your husband isn't being very sympathetic and that will cause tension; you won't enjoy your evening.

Your dh and dd have put you in a lose-lose situation so just find a compromise.

OP, stay with her.
If this turns out you are 'pandering to her irrational fear' or sets a precedent of 24 hour 'child care demands', or means she 'doesn't have the resilance' to hike 15 miles for a C Section or she might not even be a real 'adult' who needs to 'grow up' as Women give birth 'everyday' as has been posted numerous times, then you can deal with that in due course.
Supporting family doesn't have to always be reasonable or even rational.
At the moment your daughter is asking you to be with her at a time of uncertainty and probably fear. That's all that matters. Is it's objectively reasonable, to ask you? probably not as plenty have posted, is it important to your future relationship with your daughter and grandchildren? definitely.
Not sure what theatre production would make anyone I know think like your husband. But the cruelty and dismissive attitude towards your daughter's needs on this thread indicate there are plenty of people who think the same way. But it's not their daughter so they can project and give examples of how great they were and never needed anyone, bla bla bla.
But she's your daughter. Stay with her.
And those saying there is no wonder he left her and she is a brat and needs to grow up, based on one post, should be ashamed of themselves. Though shame is an outdated idea nowadays.

Most women will still be working a month before the due date

I had severe pregnancy anxiety due to previous losses yet I still didn’t expect my DH to stop working for the last 6 weeks of my pregnancy “just in case” and he worked 50 mins even over an hour in bad traffic.

It is a hard situation for DD but she can’t expect her parents to lose out on money for the theatre tickets this late notice

Her parents are 60 mins away, not 4 hours away, not a flight away. DD will be ok

I didn't do that on purpose - full term, of course I meant 😅

Why can't the daughter go see a friend for those hours?

Another good compromise

I just can’t envisage putting the theatre before my vulnerable child?

The hyperbole on this site is something else.

She's a 30-something woman about to be responsible for another human being.

As I said in my second post, I totally appreciate that partners etc need to work so can't always be around. But a trip to theatre is wildly different to having to work - work is a necessity, theatre is a luxury and choosing that over your own child's wellbeing and peace of mind is something I could and would never do.

Why can't the daughter go see a friend for those hours?

You'd think that that would be an obvious solution.