To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

She's an adult woman in her 30s. Not a vulnerable child ffs.
And your comment that 'all pregnant women are vulnerable children' is sexist twattery at its worst.

All those soon to be dads have no empathy they should be there by her side. My mum showed no interest in my pregnancies it was only me and my partner. If the ops daughter is showing signs of mental health maybe the best place for her is a mother and baby unit until she gets well.

I think she is being irrational and you are not supposed to feed into irrational anxiety.

Most women are on their own for hours at a time whilst being heavily pregnant. I was still working at 36 weeks both times. Looking after my 3 year old on my own. Took my then husband’s car to the garage. She doesn’t need a babysitter.

It’s fine to go to the theatre, she is being over the top. Figure out who can be her “phone a friend” if anything kicks off but she is wrong that you should cancel.

I was also in this position with DC1 but much younger, and my parents were supportive, so I have insight into the stress of her position.

In this scenario I think not only are you allowed to go to the theatre for a few hours, but you NEED to, to get her used to the reality. A one-off moment of need is not the same as forbidding you to make plans and threatening to book a hotel room nearby - that is not rational and honestly if her anxiety is that intense she needs to be booked in with the perinatal mental health team.

Well that's up to DD, but it seems a bit extreme. I doubt if many expectant mums have 24 hour in house helpers on standby during the weeks or days leading up to their due date. They may plan to take a taxi if they can't get hold of a friend or family member. DD sounds very scared, poor love, but that doesn't mean you can't go to the theatre.

Poor woman's obviously frightened to death, heavily pregnant for the first time and living alone. Your H sounds like an arse.

Yes that's what I mean but more succinct!

Exactly, we are not talking about a bloody child, we are talking about a grown adult, who is about to have a baby, an event, that happens day in and day out all over the bloody world.

Of course most women have 24-hour helpers in the run-up to labour! Most have partners! Even if the couple has broken up, most men aren't so bloody awful as to leave the woman alone at that time!

Oh come on, it must be really scary to be alone and heavily pregnant with your first.

Most of the partners go to work for longer than the few hours theatre visit

I hate it when people make that kind of comment about giving birth. Just because something happens every day around the world it doesn't mean it's not a serious or potentially dangerous event.

You had a husband! The two situations are hardly comparable.

We all know babies are a law unto themselves. Our third DC was 30 days early with no prior midwife clairvoyance.
It’s irrelevant anyway. Either they do want to help their DD or they don’t.

She is not a vulnerable child, she is a grown woman having a baby.
An event that happens every day of the year, all over the world.

Having your hair done, having lunch, going shopping, going for a walk can all take longer than an hour!

Well how Whether it's a husband or parents and hour away when some woman goes into labour

I was alone when I was pregnant with my first but that didn't mean my parents didn't go to the theatre. There is a difference between offering support and catering to extreme irrational anxiety. The idea that the parents can't be an hour away or DD will book a hotel nearby is honestly not normal to the point (as I said in my comment) it should be mentioned to the mental health team.

I thought you were going to say she’s 17 or something!

She’s being ridiculous.
Of course having a baby is frightening but she is a grown woman who is able to get herself to a hospital if worse comes to worst.

She needs to try and control this anxiety now as she’s about to become a single mother and her anxiety is only going to get worse once the baby is here.

If her getting a hotel close to the hospital for the night will reduce her anxiety, then tell her it’s a good idea and you’ll meet her at the hospital if she does go into early labour.

Your medal is in the post 🙄

Of course they are. I didn’t tell my then husband to stop working at 36 weeks just in case I went into labour earlier than planned. Support doesn’t mean being around 24/7.

As another poster has said she is about to become a single mum, she is going to need a bit more resilience. That is not going to come if people cater to her every anxious thought.

Only read OP's post.
Your DD wants you to be less than an hour from her for the next 9 days just in case she goes into a very fast natural labour before her planned C-section?

Most women have signs of early labour well before it cranks up, especially with a first child and may well not have someone right there, but have their partner or birth partner and backups in place to be available.

I think this is very unlikely and I don't know...it just doesn't sit well with me to agree to it. That said, I guess if any of my children were in need for whatever reason they would be my priority. Why is she having a planned C-section?

Not surprised. It's moments like this, when you need someone, where the most damage is done. That stays with a person.

This thread is very revealing in that each poster is saying who they are. Are you a caring parent, or not.

And never mind the bloody theatre, professional footballers have missed games as their partner was about to give birth. Its completely normal for this to happen. This woman is without her partner, so would like her mum. But that's obviously asking too much for OP as we know where her priorities lie.

How is it not comparable? My husband worked an hour away until I was in labour both times…do people’s partners take time off work or exclusively work from home in the 4 weeks before labour? Mine didn’t and I don’t know any friends’ partners who did. And hour isn’t far… plus labour for your first child often takes a long time to progress.

Presumably the hotel she would book into closer to the hospital than where she lives?

Otherwise what does it achieve?

She would still be getting herself to the hospital & contacting her parents to get there as soon as they could.