To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

And why would she give birth alone ? The probability of going into labour and giving birth within an hour of altering her parents at this stage is very very small

@rainbowstardrops

I was not left high and dry by my partner but due to my anxiety I did summon my parents unnecessarily. And guess what - they came.

And guess what - it was totally unnecessary.

I was just pointing out that my anxiety was getting the better of me at that time and I now feel bad in hindsight.

Also glad we are all not the same.

Also glad that I wrote a post that suggested dealing with the anxiety which you conveniently ignored, because I believe that is the real issue.

Also glad that with hindsight I am able to own my anxiety at that time which was absolutely not my parents' fault.

Thank goodness we are all different, as you said.

Many taxis won't transport someone in labour and there's a national ambulance shortage.

Shouldn't the op and her daughter ring round to ask who will take her. The op might not get to her in time if she's out shopping. Having a plan in case of an emergency will help to ease her mind.

I imagine the OP’s daughter will be absolutely fine, despite her understandable anxiety and I’m glad your parents were there for you.
I didn’t conveniently ignore your post, I get notifications when I’ve been quoted and I was responding to that. I’ve got quite a lot on right now and haven’t got time to read countless posts that don’t belong to @Yournw.
Who doesn’t seem very active on this post …….

Honestly I think the more helpful thing for a parent to do is to support the DD to manage their anxiety.

It seems like one of the early lessons you learn as a parent, that if one of your children is overly worried about something you talk them through how to deal
with the worry, not swoop in and fix it. That’s how you build resilience.

It’s totally reasonable and normal for a pregnant woman’s main support person to be an hour or so away during the 36th week of pregnancy. The DD needs help to feel confident she has a plan for if her mum isn’t immediately available (which could happen for any number of reasons).

She wouldn’t have to. I’d willingly be there for her.

I have 4 children I couldn't bring my 3 children to watch me give birth. Two of my pregnancies I had to give birth alone. What you're saying is irrelevant to my situation. Learn to ask questions.

And would you not go shopping, out for a walk, get your hair done? Would you sit by the phone for the next 4 weeks?

If it was me I would tell you to go. Knowing you was at the end of the phone would give me comfort. I would assume your daughter would feel exactly the same way.

@rainbowstardrops thank you for your reply.

This thread made me realise how unreasonable and demanding I was towards my parents with Dc1 and I feel embarrassed for myself honestly.

I am sorry you have a lot going on - I hope things settle down soon. Best wishes.

💐

Getting ridiculous now. The OP's daughter has requested her mother to be there for her in this instance and this instance is all the OP is asking about.

A request from your daughter or go to theatre? That was original post. Daughter didn't write an hourly timetable for a month 😂

I think the first line of your post OP says it all 'unfortunately' pregnant.
Your DD is in a really difficult, frightening, scary and uncertain place at present and she needs you.
I would have moved her back in with me and would be supporting her through the most difficult of times by being available and on hand to provide the support she feels she needs.
I would not be entertaining thoughts of going to the theatre but that's me, there will be plenty who disagree and think it perfectly acceptable for you to still go.
People's views will be informed by their own life experiences and how much capacity they have for empathy.

I cannot imagine my mum not dropping everything to help me if I was about to give birth alone, never mind have arguments about whether to go to the theatre or not. She is about to have her first baby. She needs you.

My DH's commute to work was a good hour but I didn't suggest he didn't go to work for a few weeks. I think one hour away is OK but you need to make sure you are fully contactable. I also would say that you won't leave for the theatre if there are any signs that she's in labour.

Of course I would! I wouldn’t be an hour's drive away though!
Perfectly feasible situation is that the parents drive an hour or so away to the theatre. The show starts. OP gets a text and says things are starting to happen. The show is approx, two hours long. Fine if the parents then up and leave straight away but what if the (shitty) father says, ‘Oh we can’t leave now’. Or, ‘Let’s wait for the interval’ blah blah blah.
I just can’t envisage putting the theatre before my vulnerable child.

Oh that’s kind of you. I hope you have a lovely support network around you 🙂

Hopefully went to the theatre!

Lots of whataboutery there.

I just can’t envisage putting the theatre before my vulnerable child.

Why is she a vulnerable child?

I think this can be framed ok: ‘we are only an hour away and will come immediately if you go into labour.’

1. All pregnant women are
2. she got left by her partner mid pregnancy.
3. she clearly has bad anxiety/some mental health issues at the moment

I haven’t RTHT but I don’t think you’d be unreasonable to go to the theatre and keep your phones on in case DD needs you.

My DH works about 45-50 mins away, I can’t expect him to not work from 35 weeks onwards just in case I go into labour and need him.

Plenty of my friends partners work 45 mins - 60 mins from home.

For everyone saying you and DH should cancel - what would you do if OP posted that she didn’t want her DH working for the last 6 weeks of her pregnancy “in case” she goes into labour. You’d say she’s unreasonable right?!

Let's do some statistics on this.

Around 1 in 20 babies are born in the 36th week. So you have a 95% chance of NOT going into labour in the 36th week.

Let's be generous and assume the OP would be away from home for 6 hours for the theatre trip. That's less than 5% of the whole week.

That means there's a greater than 99.8% chance that OP's DD won't go into labour while she's at the theatre.

The majority of people have many hours from the first labour signs until they have to go to hospital. So the chance of the DD needing more urgent assistance than she can get by summoning her mum from the theatre an hour away are very low indeed.

So how do people without cars go there then?

That's interesting.

I had no idea that you became vulnerable when you became pregnant.