To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

Statistics don’t mean that it can’t or wouldn’t happen. Unlikely yes but not impossible, as I’m sure countless women could tell you.

Agree with others that you should go, but be willing to leave if she goes into labour. I mean, you aren’t a 999 ambulance service, on hand 24/7. You have to be able to live your own life here. Cancelling major plans on the off-chance is daft - that baby isn’t going to be born in under an hour!

Well of course, it’s awful. To be the parents of someone abandoned when pregnant. Why wouldn’t it be awful? And yes, I’d be thinking it was unfortunate as she obviously didn’t intend single motherhood. However, she is where she is and needs to toughen up if she’s going to be responsible for a baby.

Are attention spans really so bad that people can’t read to the end of a sentence? It says:
“DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner”. Sure it could be worded more clearly but it’s taking it out of context to say she just said she’s unfortunately pregnant. Plus I don’t read judgement into it the way others do. It’s obviously not a situation people want to find themselves in so it is unfortunate.

She’s being ridiculous. Go to the theatre and keep your phones on you

@rainbowstardrops

Statistics are used to assess probability. Unlikely vs impossible is very important.

@Yournw has addressed impossible by stating she is only 1 hour away and will be monitoring her phone.

Probability - of someone with a healthy pregnancy, already been scanned and selected for a C Section and a date agreed (that is NOT the theatre date) with people who can be there within an hour to an hour and a half, for a first baby (who statistically are generally late) ... of course it CAN happen but if we live our lives like this how would it end?

I think I might still go but would be checking in with her before the start and during the interval and have one of my real-life nest of vipers on standby for her to contact if anything happens. It's a very worrying time for her regardless of her age or relationship status.

I can only speak for myself but if my daughter had been left pregnant and high and dry by her partner and she was anxious enough to ask her parents to not be an hour away, it wouldn’t occur to me to prioritise a bloody theatre trip over my daughter.
We’re all different though. Thankfully.

Even if my daughter wasn't going through what OP's daughter has and had simply asked me to be with her, not even Elvis resurrected could entice me to turn my daughter down.

I'm pretty disgusted that OP has to even start a thread asking if she's being unreasonable tbh.

A night at the theatre FFS. Ridiculous!

I can be out of the house for longer than a theatre trip going for a walk, shopping, having cake etc! Should the OP not leave the house until baby is born?

A child isn't a child when it's 30 something.

Really nice touch from a mother about her d.😮

OP has long gone!

One of the things that strikes me as most sad about this situation is that there are so many loving older parents who really want to provide support to adult children, but for whatever reason are not given the opportunity- maybe the adult child lives a long way away, or there is an estrangement for instance.

But in this case, here is a vulnerable & anxious daughter asking for support (whether her concerns are realistic or not) - & a father who has so little interest that he is ‘adamant’ his trip to a ‘show’ cannot be disturbed - unwilling even to accept going alone or with a friend rather than his wife.

And a wife so cowed into doing what her ‘adamant’ husband says that she will go along with his insistence rather than be ‘stuck in the middle’ or just say no.

What a waste.

I really can’t imagine any kind or responsible man causing this much disruption just for his evening’s entertainment. Whether the daughter is reasonable or not, whether her fears are realistic or not, it looks as though he’s a self-centered, domineering bully.

Not surprised OP has left, a bit shit to talk about your d like that.

Nonsense - most people’s partners work up until the baby comes then start paternity leave - my husband was in his office the day before my c section booking - it would have taken him an hour on public transport to get to me if needed (longer in a taxi)

id have called if I needed or taken a taxi (we don’t even have a car anyway - so we would have had to take a taxi regardless if he was home or not

How do you know she has a very slim chance of going into labour before her due date? Babies come before their due dates all the time. Mine did. Mine even came before my elective c-section date which was great fun and I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with that on my own.

I’ll assume OP’s DD has a reason to have chosen an elective C-section and presume she would like to avoid a vaginal birth so she probably doesn’t want to hang about waiting for her parents to get back from the theatre if labour starts before her section date. I know I was absolutely terrified in the weeks before my c-section date hoping my breech baby didn’t decide to just start coming bum first!

And you can’t be sure she has 8 hours of labour, probably loads longer, to play about with either. Wasn’t my experience of labour at all. And I doubt I’m the only one.

She can take all the antenatal classes she likes but in my experience they’re given by midwives not soothsayers so she’ll be none the wiser about what’s actually going to happen her.

Would your daughter demand you not to go even though she knows you would leave the theatre in an instant?

Like what?

Yes, go to the theatre & enjoy yourselves.
You’re clearly being judgemental of the pregnancy & the wording of your post seems a bit aggressive.
I hope your daughter has some good friends or other family members who will support her during this time. Having your first baby is quite stressful (if you remember). More so without the help of your partner. Additionally she has had a painful breakup.
My parents supported me 100 % in similar circumstances. I was very grateful & always will be.
Why doesn’t your husband (her loving father) go on his own?

My partner had to work in London I had my child at 42 weeks. He had to work so bills and roof can be paid. Luckily he found a job closer to home and I managed to have my baby. He dropped me off at 6am in the morning and he set off to work and I saw him again after he finished. The op is an hour away if she is needed which will be highly unlikely.

Put yourself in your daughter’s shoes. She’s been abandoned whilst pregnant, she’s devastated, terrified about her fist birth and how she’s going to look after herself and the baby in the future. Cancel the theatre, get some treats and spoil her. She needs you.

The OP has her dates wrong, she is around 38 weeks and there may be a reason why she is having an ELCS that absolutely does mean that if she goes into spontaneous labour she would need fast access to the hospital for an emergency C section, like placenta previa, certain breech positions, elevated blood pressure etc.

Many taxis won't transport someone in labour and there's a national ambulance shortage.

@Falseknock The clue here is ‘Partner’.
The OP’s DD has no partner. This is 2025 not 1965. Luckily women don’t have to give birth on their own any more.

She is due in about 16 days -9 days plus another week - which is over 2 weeks away ( in UK, it would be 4 weeks away in France ) and unless the midwife has expressed any sign that the child could likely be early it’s over reaction