To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

Can she come with you to the theatre? Otherwise I would send DH with a friend or you go with a friend and he stays with your daughter. Your kids come first, no matter how old they are, especially in situations like this. I honestly can’t believe people would do otherwise - your daughter is heavily pregnant and sounds like she has been through an ordeal with her pregnancy and relationship breakdown, please support her. We wonder why society is in such a mess.

Go to the theatre, dont let your daughter dictate to you. She's a grown adult im sure she can manage .

Its an hour away.
Im sure op and her DH would ditch the theater if their DD was going to hospital for reduced movement.

I think the DD is being over anxious at the idea of being apart from her parents for an evening.

Op where is the theater in relation to the hospital? Could there be a worse case you go straight to hospital and meet her there.

I almost feel she needs to realise if shit happens its professionals she needs.
Op im assuming you aren't some sort of medical professional?
I'm also assuming there hasn't been any sort of abuse or intimidation by the ex.

It would be very unusual, and contrary to NICE guidance, for a maternal request ELCS to be scheduled before 38+6 at the earliest.

Being in her 30s has nothing to do with it. She's pregnant and alone and needs support, and you are refusing it to her. Your husband (her dad) is being a dick and you should already know this. There's no question if our daughter was in this situation me and her dad would be at her absolute beck and call - if she needed us, we'd be there, any time. You need to get your priorities in check.

It’s a comment to a specific post which cautioned OP about her daughter making demands on her time after she has a baby. As if she’s a windows salesman knocking on doors or something.

I am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first baby. My partner could easily be an hour away for work reasons, as I imagine many people’s partners could be.

honestly what does she expect you to do? Never leave her side or be more than 15 minutes away until her c section? Completely impractical and unreasonable in my opinion.

Yes, because it's not an emergency, they are one hour away and the daughter is being unreasonable, though I do understand how scary it can be, esp with the first.
We also do not know if the daughter does things like this all the time. We also do not know if the parents need a much needed break before the arrival of a grandchild.

If the parents lived 200 miles away, would they be expected to do this too? Or would the daughter make plans with friends, other family because she had to?

They’re going for a night out, not flying to the moon.

OP I’d go. It’s unlikely she’ll go into labour at 36 weeks, and if she does, she can phone you.

I think Ops going to need to give a ton of support after the birth. DD is going to need it. They might as well have a night out when they can.

Think how this would have gone if it was the DD posting. About her parents or partner having a night out.

But she shouldn't. It's one evening away, just an hour away.

And I agree, it could be a little warning sign of what is to come. The daughter will need loads of help, esp at the beginning, but also there needs to be a balance for all involved. Just because it's your grandchild it does not mean the grandparents have to give up their own lives entirely, this is unreasonable.

Going to the theatre is a balance.

What utter shite

I went into labour when my husband was at work and it took him 2 hours to get back.

She's clearly feeling very anxious, the Theatre will still be there later, hope you're not afraid to stand up.to your husband.

It's unclear how far along she will be on her section date because OP says The c-section is in 9 days and the due date is a week later but then also says that makes her daughter 36 weeks now.

Honestly the daughter needs to get a grip. She’s only pregnant, same as billions of women before have been. It’s daunting for everyone, she’s nothing special. If she was overdue she’d have a point but she’s only 36 weeks. So do the people saying OP shouldn’t go think that no pregnant women’s birth partners should ever be more than an hour away during the third trimester?

That actually can be twisted the other way. Society a mess because we seem incapable of doing anything for ourselves and demand others change their lives to suit our own.

What a nasty post @Dazzlemered

The OP clearly stated 'unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner.'

I ageee. The awful wording stuck out!
My daughter went in to labour and rang to say she was on her way to hospital, I was arranging care for my younger kids who were in bed asleep, and she messaged me a picture of the baby less than 30 minutes later.
You don’t always have much time. I can’t imagine my Dad refusing to give up a day out if I said I needed my parents, they would know I meant it.
Sell/rebook your tickets, you’ll only be on edge anyway through the performance.

Your maths is a bit off I think, she’s close to 38 weeks pregnant if her due date is 16 days away.

It seems clear that your DH is pissed off about his nice life being disrupted by DD having a baby without a partner.

In your shoes I’d tell him he can go to the theatre on his own if it’s so important to him and you’ll stay and have a nice evening with your DD (or support her on the off chance she goes into labour).

I hope he is more supportive once grandchild arrives. It’s hardly her fault the partner upped and left. She’s not living with you so presumably is supporting herself financially (does she get a well paid mat leave?), but she needs an extra pair of hands sometimes.

I think it's a tricky one. My first and only labour was long and erratic, but my Dsis gave birth to her first baby at exactly 37 weeks after a very short labour.

It probably won't happen, but what's your plan if your DD goes into labour early, it's a short labour, and you're an hour away? Could a neighbour give your DD a lift to the hospital if necessary?

ohhhhh I think your DH is being unreasonable. She may be in her 30s but she needs you. She's going through a really really tough time.

She does realise it isn't like the movies, it isn't 30 minutes from first pain to waters breaking and 30 seconds later a baby, especially with a first baby. At 36 weeks she isn't even close to her due date so the chances of her suddenly without warning going into labour and needing to get to the hospital in the 4 hours you'll be gone are tiny. If she did suddenly go into labour you are an hour away not a plane journey, I'd not miss it if I was your daughter nevermind if I might just be needed on the off chance to drive her to hospital. She can always ring a taxi/ambulance if she needed to get to hospital quicker.

She came at 37 weeks, and she’s retired so annual leave isn’t a problem.

It really meant so much to me that she was there when I needed her. (She’s actually amazing, and has always been there for me)

ah OP your daughter has been through a trauma, she needs to feel unconditionally supported right now to help her through what she's been through and be the strongest mum she can be for the birth, the postpartum period and all the years ahead of doing it alone. She might even have the ex pop up in the future and need to feel strong to deal with the emotional weight of that. Can you not even just take DD with you as a compromise?

Ah, the milk of loving kindness. Perhaps you took your daughter to stately homes also?