Page 25 | To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

rainbowstardrops · 08/10/2025 10:10

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:03

The number of people on here who have crystal balls is truly amazing. They know so much about so many things and so many lives. It is actually terrifying.

Show quote history

Or plain ignorant!

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:11

Jollyjoy · 08/10/2025 10:09

This has made me feel really sad this morning. I can’t believe it’s even a question to be honest. My parents are very limited in various ways but even they would prioritise me at that time. Your poor DD must be gutted, and even now if you decide to cancel, she will remember for the rest of her life how you both handled this. So sad.

It's a 4-5hour visit to the theatre. Any sane person wouldn't give it a second thought let alone spend the rest of her life thinking about it! Such an OTT reaction, esp as am pretty sure those parents will be helping a lot once the baby arrives.

OldieButBaddie · 08/10/2025 10:13

Wow. She must really feel like men are shafting her left, right and centre here. First her partner abandons her and now her father doesn't give a toss about her either.

You are not "stuck in the middle" you are your own person. Let your selfish H go to the theatre alone and you can be there for your dd.

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:13

OP when I told my mother I was expecting my second baby she was not pleased, understandably I suppose as I was twenty but I was married and we owned our little two up two down terraced house. I was close to my mother and I was hurt when she said she hoped I wasn't expecting her to help.

While I was pregnant my stepfather ran off with another woman, he'd ruined my family business and scarpered before the whole house of cards came down. My mother was now homeless and we took her in and she lived with us for nearly 13 years.

I loved my mum but I've never forgotten what she said when I needed her, she has been dead for over 20 years, I miss her but I still hurt. Be there for your daughter.

YourBrickTiger · 08/10/2025 10:14

Missgemini · 08/10/2025 10:02

One of the most ridiculous threads I’ve ever read on here!
She is a woman in her 30s! So many people are single mothers long before they’re 30. The lack of resilience is just breathtaking.

I guess if she has severe anxiety (which does need addressing after the birth because parenting is stressful), then OP knows her well enough to consider cancelling her theatre trip.
I’m early 30s with 2 kids. Never even crossed my mind to demand that people cancel their plans for me when I was 36 weeks pregnant. What the hell?

That's terrible, not everyone is the same or able to cope with things in the same way.

Missgemini · 08/10/2025 10:14

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:08

In a short space of time she has coped with pregnancy, her partner leaving her, moving house and the prospect of a CS. Quite big things to be dealing with, probably some of the biggest we face in life all coming close together. She's anxious, she wants her mum and I can't imagine not being there for my DD if she was facing all that.

Show quote history

Her mum still obviously loves and cares for her. Not sure why her mum cannot go to a pre booked event when OP is very unlikely to go into labour. Not being able to cope for a couple hours on a Saturday evening likely means that OP’s daughter really needs to seek help for her anxiety.

millymae · 08/10/2025 10:14

I haven’t voted because I don’t think the OP is really being unreasonable here plus I think picking on her use of the word unfortunately is a little unfair. People obviously read things differently to me as I took it to mean unfortunately bearing in mind the unexpected breakdown of the relationship.
I haven’t read every post but where is the ex boyfriend in all this. Have ties been severed completely, so much so that he can’t be on hand to help with getting the mother of his child to the hospital if need be.
Had the OP’s daughter been a young teen I would have definitely taken the view that the theatre trip should be a no go. With a woman of 30+ living away from the family home I’m not quite so sure and all the more so as the delivery date is still some days away. In all likelihood she will be absolutely fine
I know being a parent is a lifelong responsibility but even allowing for the fact that this is her first baby I do think the daughter is being a little unfair to her mum and dad here as should they now decide to go to the theatre the OP especially will be on tenterhooks the whole time.
On balance OP in the absence of any one else being available I think the theatre trip will be best cancelled

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:15

PeonyPatch · 08/10/2025 09:59

Honestly this thread is shocking, and I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Why on earth would you book the theatre around this time? Why can’t you support your daughter a bit more? I don’t think she’s being demanding or unreasonable at all. I feel sorry for her to have parents who have this kind of attitude.

4-5 hour trip to the theatre? Really? How do you know what else they've been doing to support? And how much support they will be giving in the future?

All seems a bit OTT. Would they be to blame if they happened to live 200 miles away or would the daughter actually make birthing plans that didn't involve them? My parents moved 6 hour drive from me, I'd not insist they were there just in case I may give birth in the next 2-3 weeks!

CuckooPond · 08/10/2025 10:15

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:13

OP when I told my mother I was expecting my second baby she was not pleased, understandably I suppose as I was twenty but I was married and we owned our little two up two down terraced house. I was close to my mother and I was hurt when she said she hoped I wasn't expecting her to help.

While I was pregnant my stepfather ran off with another woman, he'd ruined my family business and scarpered before the whole house of cards came down. My mother was now homeless and we took her in and she lived with us for nearly 13 years.

I loved my mum but I've never forgotten what she said when I needed her, she has been dead for over 20 years, I miss her but I still hurt. Be there for your daughter.

You get that there’s a significant difference between refusing to help at all and a parent being absent for five hours when their 30something daughter is 36 weeks pregnant?

CherryTreeDream · 08/10/2025 10:16

Are there additional complications with your daughter’s pregnancy OP? If she is 36 weeks now , she will be about 37 when her c-section is scheduled. I have never heard of a c-section being scheduled before 39 weeks that wasn’t for some kind of complication. Is that why your daughter is so anxious?

I mean it’s a whole different kettle of fish if she has something like placenta previa (just as an example). If she went into labour or had bleeding and had to wait for an hour for you to drive to her then that could potentially be dangerous for her and baby.

TottenhamCake · 08/10/2025 10:16

I am SHOCKED at your attitude and the attitude of others in this thread. She is having her first baby, her partner has left her and her life has effectively fallen apart, and you don't want to be there for her at her most vulnerable time? Yes, she is an adult, and it is only an hour away, and she might be panicking needlessly, but she gets to be unreasonable at the moment and she clearly needs the extra support.

Go to the theatre if you are prepared for your relationship to be severely damaged.

I am due in December, I have a partner to care for me but if I wanted my mum around as well, she would be there without hesitation. I feel so so sorry your daughter doesn't have that in you.

pigsDOfly · 08/10/2025 10:16

AlinaRawlings · 07/10/2025 23:42

She’s being absolutely ridiculous! She sounds terrified though so I would try to calm her by telling her she’s very unlikely to drop her first baby at 36 weeks within an hour of labour starting. She’s about to be a mother, she needs to suck it up and stop being a spoilt brat.

Show quote history

Ridiculous? A spoilt brat? Bloody hell.

She's a young woman about to give birth for the first time and she's fearful of being in the house on her own with no one to help her if she goes into labour.

Yes, first babies tend not to be born early or quickly but that's not always the case and no one can know what might happen when it comes to birth.

She's scheduled to have cc so that is probably adding to her anxiety.

How exactly are you planning to keep your phones on in a theatre to allow her to call you if she needs to OP?

Personally, I'd stay with her and make sure she feels supported. She's been badly let down by her ex partner and she really needs you at the moment.

If your husband wants to go on his own or with a friend, fine he can do that. I'm sure he'll be more than happy if/when she doesn't go into labour and he can say 'I told you so'.

PinkBobby · 08/10/2025 10:18

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:11

It's a 4-5hour visit to the theatre. Any sane person wouldn't give it a second thought let alone spend the rest of her life thinking about it! Such an OTT reaction, esp as am pretty sure those parents will be helping a lot once the baby arrives.

Show quote history

Some people give birth in 4-5 hours. Some people can’t just get over being abandoned mid pregnancy. The daughter clearly has some MH issues right now (understandably) so needs support. And the parents may be helping her post birth but she is asking for help right now. Becoming a parent means you have a kid for life - just because she’s 30, doesn’t mean she can’t be struggling and her parents should be doing everything they can to help her avoid PPD/PPA. It’s amazing that people would pick the theatre over their kid.

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:18

CuckooPond · 08/10/2025 10:15

You get that there’s a significant difference between refusing to help at all and a parent being absent for five hours when their 30something daughter is 36 weeks pregnant?

Show quote history

Not really. I had a husband, I had another child, the OPs daughter is alone. The OP can obviously risk going to the theatre and her DD needing her when she isn't there, she can risk her DD feeling like I do for the next 20, 30 or 40 years. Up to her but her DD is face a lot of challenges, she stressed and anxious and if your mum can't be with you in those circumstances I think it is pretty sad.

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:18

YourBrickTiger · 08/10/2025 10:14

That's terrible, not everyone is the same or able to cope with things in the same way.

Show quote history

Then she needs to get to therapy. She's about to be a mum and entirely responsible for another human being, sadly been left on her own to do it. Boy, is she going to face countless of difficult times and needs to learn to cope.

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 08/10/2025 10:20

I would go to the theatre if you cancel there’s likely to be something else that will make her anxious.

Americasfavouritefightingfrenchman · 08/10/2025 10:21

TeenLifeMum · 07/10/2025 23:56

For me this is a “sweetheart, we love you and are here for you. If you need us call but we know you are able to cope for 4 hours while we go to the theatre and we will be available all other times. If you do go into labour, we will drive straight to yours, so you’ll have 1 hour without us. During that time you’ll be able to call the midwives who will support you, and you can keep us posted while we drive. We are supporting you in pregnancy and after and putting most things on hold. We’re not going on holiday to Europe, we’re going up the road.”

She’s clearly feeling vulnerable but a balance of love and reality is needed imo. Others won’t agree but I think grounding your parents and demanding they are at your beck and call is pretty outrageous and she is in her pregnancy bubble forgetting anyone else has ever had a baby.

This would be my approach. I don’t think always doing things a way an anxious person asked necessarily helps reduce their anxiety. Sometimes I think it can actually make it worse.
She is going to have loads of moments that are hard when the baby gets here and overall suspect she will be better off long run if you are kind, understanding/sympathetic it’s hard & willing to help within reason but don’t step in and fix it all for her.

diddl · 08/10/2025 10:21

Tbh I think a lot of women wouldn't even ask their parents to do this.

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:21

TheignT · 08/10/2025 10:18

Not really. I had a husband, I had another child, the OPs daughter is alone. The OP can obviously risk going to the theatre and her DD needing her when she isn't there, she can risk her DD feeling like I do for the next 20, 30 or 40 years. Up to her but her DD is face a lot of challenges, she stressed and anxious and if your mum can't be with you in those circumstances I think it is pretty sad.

Show quote history

It's an evening out. Put it into perspective.

Any 30 year old something woman who holds onto negativity and begrudges her parents for a 4-5 hour night off is, quite frankly, immature and an idiot. You don't know what they have done for their daughter before the theatre and you don't know what they are offering to do once the child is here.

She should never had asked, other than for them to check their phones frequently.

user1476613140 · 08/10/2025 10:22

Dazzlemered · 07/10/2025 23:18

Also I hope she never sees this post.

Unfortunately pregnant, what a horrible thing to say!

I think it's more the fact she's found herself in an unfortunate situation without a partner to support her. That's probably what has been meant by that comment.

But carry on reading it in a negative light...

Missgemini · 08/10/2025 10:22

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:18

Then she needs to get to therapy. She's about to be a mum and entirely responsible for another human being, sadly been left on her own to do it. Boy, is she going to face countless of difficult times and needs to learn to cope.

Show quote history

Thank you! How does she plan to parent the baby with this level of anxiety? She needs to see her GP asap. Parenting solo will not be easy even for the most resilient of people.

Netcurtainnelly · 08/10/2025 10:23

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:14

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

I would go. Why should you miss your theatre.

ChateauMargaux · 08/10/2025 10:23

They are both being a touch unreasonable in their ability to lack empathy, understanding and compassion for each other’s feelings.

Can you see if there is a doula nearby who might offer to be on call for her and maybe even offer a one off session on emotional regulation?

Your husband should read https://sophiemessager.com/product/why-postnatal-recovery-matters-book/ and I would also suggest that you should each explore how you want to support and be supported in this new reality where your daughter might be expecting support that your husband is not willing to provide.

You should do your own thinking and decide what you want!

Why Postnatal Recovery Matters Book | Sophie Messager

Why Postnatal Recovery Matters Book (this price includes free postage in the UK only-See product description to buy the book from overseas)

https://sophiemessager.com/product/why-postnatal-recovery-matters-book

childofthe607080s · 08/10/2025 10:23

Good grief
she isn’t saying she won’t be around

She is saying that 3 weeks before the baby is due she will be a short distance away.

how long in advance should she stay glued to DD side?

I do agree with others that giving in to this will only feed her anxiety

Happyjoe · 08/10/2025 10:26

diddl · 08/10/2025 10:21

Tbh I think a lot of women wouldn't even ask their parents to do this.

Agree. I'd say "have fun mum and dad, look forward to hearing about it".

You know why? Because I loved my parents and I wanted what was best for them. It works both ways!