To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

Its only an hours drive away.

No you shouldn't miss theatre.

Wow how dare she “make demands”
she and that annoying baby of hers
after all who does she think she is??
just a daughter!
obviously, theatres, bingo and cruises are far more important than a daughter who is now a single mother and some pesky grandchild
/s

🙄🙄🙄🙄

Quite!!!!!!

Unless your DD is adopted you've been in labour, he definitely hasn't. What do you think apart from being caught in the middle? I know where my priority would be and I'm sure you must know where yours is.

That’s insane. But also - she’s an adult so if that’s what she chooses to do that’s what she chooses to do. She’s not a child who you need to control - she is going to have one.

Oh for pities sake, the OP has already said that she was referring to the DD’s partner leaving her as if that wasn’t obvious.

It is an unfortunate situation to be pregnant and have your partner leave you. What would you call it - happy?

Honestly this thread is shocking, and I think some of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Why on earth would you book the theatre around this time? Why can’t you support your daughter a bit more? I don’t think she’s being demanding or unreasonable at all. I feel sorry for her to have parents who have this kind of attitude.

I would be careful too, for quite different reasons. Having a child makes you reflect on your relationship with your own family.

If my own parents prioritised a theatre trip over supporting me at a time in my life when I was vulnerable and scared, I certainly wouldn't forget it, and our relationship would be altered forever.

The selfishness of some people on here is astounding. A trip to the theatre vs supporting your child, who has found herself in a lonely, scary situation through no fault of her own. You can go to the theatre at any time, but this could potentially be the only labour your daughter goes through. It's a no brainer for anyone with a shred of humanity.

I do not understand the insane number of people on this thread who are infantilising this adult - I had two kids solo and both times I took myself to hospital in a cab on the morning of the c section and my sister met me there an hour or so later just before the procedure. I went swimming the day before each time. If your daughter is having a child by herself she needs to grow up fast and learn to cope with things - because she is now going to be responsible for a child.

One of the most ridiculous threads I’ve ever read on here!
She is a woman in her 30s! So many people are single mothers long before they’re 30. The lack of resilience is just breathtaking.

I guess if she has severe anxiety (which does need addressing after the birth because parenting is stressful), then OP knows her well enough to consider cancelling her theatre trip.
I’m early 30s with 2 kids. Never even crossed my mind to demand that people cancel their plans for me when I was 36 weeks pregnant. What the hell?

Sorry to be that one - but you can't have phones going off in a theatre and disrupting the show and other people. You'd be better not going. Understand phones will be on silent, but it's a huge no no to do this in a live performance. It will also irritate the shit out of other people.

My take would be different, though with no less love. That it’s better for a thirtysonerhing woman about to be a solo FT parent to grasp that her anxiety bears no relationship to the likelihood of actually going into labour, and that she will be dealing with a lot of unknowns n the near future, and that she will manage.

Well maybe that is the workable compromise.

TBH I would be more concerned that my 30 something DC did not have a single friend to call on to spend an evening with her and that her anxiety is way above anything normal, even for a first baby. This is something she should raise with her midwife to see what help is available addressing the anxiety, before it progresses to post natal problems. Its not rational to expect you both to be constantly at hand and it sounds like she really needs help with the anxiety.

The number of people on here who have crystal balls is truly amazing. They know so much about so many things and so many lives. It is actually terrifying.

''DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. ''

What an unpleasant and judgemental sentence to open your post with.

Then you ask whether the theatre is more important than your daughter being worried about giving birth on her own.

Frankly both you and your DH come across as uncaring and selfish...

I've been thinking about his post for a while and I still don't know what I'd do. Knowing myself and DH, we probably would cancel the theatre but I also think the OP's DD is being wholy unfair and placing too much pressure on her parents saying she'll book a hotel near the hospital if her parents don't cancel the theatre outing. Way too over the top. Anxiety or not, she's a 30 plus woman and this kind of drama is avoidable when her parents told her they'll have the phone with them and only 1h drive away.

The last thing the parents want, and I understand this as a 65 y.o woman, is an adult DD dictating what her parents can/should do because she refuses engaging in common sense planning, wanting to control everything and everyone because she's panicking. This is not good at all for her and her parents going forward.

And you come across as the type of poster who leaps on one bit of poor sentence structure without reading the OP’s clarification.

An hour away at 36 weeks is nothing. Many DHs would be working further than that daily. My own went on business trips abroad at that gestation despite my first coming early.

What a luxury to have someone with you at all times! Maybe she can hire a carer for these few weeks- how on earth foes she plan to look after a baby on her own if she can cope with mummy and daddy being an hour away!

Why you are even debating between your husband and a bloody theatre ticket over your first time pregnant daughter is beyond me.

Your daughter is in a time of need, she is feeling vulnerable and now been abandoned by her partner at no fault of her own. She needs support around her.

Jesus wept.

In a short space of time she has coped with pregnancy, her partner leaving her, moving house and the prospect of a CS. Quite big things to be dealing with, probably some of the biggest we face in life all coming close together. She's anxious, she wants her mum and I can't imagine not being there for my DD if she was facing all that.

Is it though? If he’s left her halfway through the pregnancy sounds like she’s better off without him. I appreciate being a single mum will be exhausting, but that’s why she needs your support.

Hire a carer? How many recently single pregnant women could afford that.

This has made me feel really sad this morning. I can’t believe it’s even a question to be honest. My parents are very limited in various ways but even they would prioritise me at that time. Your poor DD must be gutted, and even now if you decide to cancel, she will remember for the rest of her life how you both handled this. So sad.

This is such an OTT comment for parents who want to go out for 4-5 hours!

You sound somewhat unsupportive; the first line about how she has "unfortunately" fallen pregnant was a red flag right away, so I sensed what was coming. I would have thought you'd really want to be at her side and give her more moral support in those last days when she is due, rather than worrying about theatre tickets. You sound so distant from her.

She feels frightened and desperately alone, which is not unusual in this situation. She has been abandoned by a partner at a very vulnerable time, and it is when she wants someone to want to be her support.