To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

There are plenty of places where you can write fiction if you so wish.

I regret to inform you that marriage is not an electric fence. A man who wants to leave will leave, and a misogynist will always find a way to blame the woman for a man's behaviour.

Yes but noone who is pregnant needs someone to literally be doing nothing except waiting nearby. Usually a partner will have a job and be an hour away anyway. I think the daughter is being dramatic. If she has someone like a nrighbour or friend who she can call if there should be some major emergency that surely would suffice as an option until the parents can get back which they said would be around an hour.

Out of interest, if her partner had passed away rather than just abandoned her and his child, would you be saying she needs to be resilient and independent just before the birth of her first child?

Her first baby. No partner. CSection. Last 4 weeks. Has your DH always been lacking in empathy and a total dick? Poor girl. Does he realise that very occasionally things can go badly wrong very quickly? Objectivity has no place in this scenario. She needs her Mum. Let him crack on. There will be other theatre trips.

I would hold on to the tickets and see how she feels on the day. Your DH can definitely go and you can tell DD that you are happy to stay with her if she needs you. If there are zero signs of labour and she's feeling mentally strong then just buy her some lovely food in, and make sure all numbers are on fridge and all phones charged and on. Make her feel she is your number one priority but if she feels good on that day you might go.

Not at all.

Men who won't commit to marriage often won't take a relationship seriously.

Marriage isn't just a romantic notion, it's about legal protection in case something goes wrong.

If the parents needs to give up work due to the baby being disabled for example.
Or the male partner being legally acknowledged as the father immediately after birth if the women is ill or passes.

Assets being seen as joint in case of break up.

Gosh o never expected someone to be instantly available in the last month - many people manage without that ridiculous level of suport

all those women or men who commute a couple of hours each way for starters

She has a phone, she can phone you or an ambulance. Does she think every other pregnant woman has people with her from 36 weeks onwards? Husbands/partners friends and relatives have to go to work not stay and hold the hand of a healthy pregnant woman.

“Stop being so wet”?! That’s simply terrible advice. Your story is totally different to this woman’s. You weren’t abandoned by your partner mid pregnancy and grieving the family life you envisioned. You weren’t facing the unknown of birth and becoming a mum truly alone. I understand people questioning the anxiety and but calling someone with mental health issues ‘wet’ is how vulnerable women like this person end up with things like PPD.

"She is due to have a c section in 9 days"

If my mother prioritised a theatre over the time when I clearly need her and ASK her to be there, it would change my relationship with her. Your DH is being weird. He can go to a theatre on his own if he’s that keen.
it doesn’t matter logically, she feels anxious and she needs you.
what is more important to you?

This is just like husbands/partners being at work though, surely? My husband was 1.5 hours away at work every day until my planned sections. I would have called him if I needed him. What's the difference? Unless there is mental health issues here where she needs more support?

It's funny how the opinions on MN are normally so vehemently against parents supporting their adult children but not when it's a pregnant woman in her 30s.

I would cancel the theatre because it's important to her.
This was me 30 years ago. I wasn't on my own but had a two year old. My mum was on standby to look after the toddler but went out to the theatre. Of course my waters broke and I went into labour. She was an hour away and in any normal labour that would be ample time but mine were quick and DC2 was born 90 minutes later.
We got a neighbour to sit with DC1 while DH drove me to hospital.

🤣🤣 course you did. Your telepathic then because it could have been either ...
Can I have the lotto numbers for this week too please?

The difference is that there is no partner, 1.5 hours away or otherwise, and you weren't preparing to become a solo parent not by choice.

Unless there is a medical condition you have not told us about, the chances of her suddenly going into labour in 3 days seems quite unlikely. Even if she did go into labour, it could be a long labour and you would most likely have plenty of time to get back in time from the theatre.

There’s some bloody nasty people on here!
It’s irrelevant if people think she’s overly anxious, or your partners were ten hours away and you walked to the hospital three miles away in six foot snow.
This woman has been going through an incredibly upsetting time and she’s expecting her first baby without the partner that she thought she’d have. Majority of women feel anxious before their first birth, especially as there’s clearly a reason why she’s booked to have a C-section at 37 weeks. I’d be bloody anxious and scared too!
So to have your parents - her security blanket, prioritising a bloody theatre trip over her is quite honestly bloody awful.
Everyone saying she won’t go into labour on that day, could I borrow your crystal balls please?
I can’t imagine not being there for my daughter when she needs me the most. Heartless.

No-one is seeking to blame a woman for a man's behaviour.

We have no end of posts on these pages from women with children who complain how abusive/rude they are.There are also posts about selfish /idle/uninvolved partners who spend all their time with hobbies/gaming/ smoking weed.

And these women have more than one child. Surely they should have learned their lesson from the first one?

I'm well aware of the benefits of marriage.

How would being married have prevented him leaving OP's daughter high and dry though? Plenty of men abandon their wives and children - we see it every day on this very website.

Wow

Empathy bypass there

I’m not judging their daughter I’m judging op and her dh. You’re right I don’t know if she can cope without them. But I just hope she can because of their negative attitude towards her. They sound frustrated, pissed off, cold. I mean, who needs that especially when you’re vulnerable?

She might be vulnerable and scared but that doesn't mean she can demand her parents never leave the local town just incase.
You are going out for an evening, not away on a two week trip. She will be fine for a couple of hours.
If she wants to book a hotel by the hospital let her do that. With my first my waters broke and I demanded my partner took me to the hospital immediately,19 hours later I ended up having a c section.
I would go and be careful. If your DD is already making demands on your time and plans, it might get even worse once she's had the baby.

Quote fail on my previous post. It was in response to this ^

I’m not judging their daughter I’m judging op and her dh. You’re right I don’t know if she can cope without them. But I just hope she can because of their negative attitude towards her. They sound frustrated, pissed off, cold. I mean, who needs that especially when you’re vulnerable?

How far away is the theatre? Can you get back fast if labour starts ? First babies can come fast,I went in for reduced foetal movement at 38 weeks and baby was out in 1 hour, emergency c section.

"She chose to have a child without the benefit of marriage.

These type of men don't become irresponsible overnight - she must have had a clue."