Page 17 | To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

Dishwater · 08/10/2025 08:08

Allthings · 08/10/2025 08:05

Context is everything…unfortunately pregnant without a partner which is completely different to unfortunately pregnant.

If the partner was still on the scene there would have been no reason for the OP to have posted as any discussions about being nearby would be with the partner and not the parents who are now having to take on the role that a partner would have fulfilled.

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Agree, it’s worded clumsily but of course it’s unfortunate that the daughter is pregnant when her partner left.

i would also argue that it’s unfortunate that she’s pregnant at all if she’s so immature in her thirties that she can’t let her parents travel an hour away from her without guilt tripping them to be honest. .

1apenny2apenny · 08/10/2025 08:09

I don’t agree with the majority on here. It sounds as though she expects you to be at home/within 5 minutes from now on which is unreasonable ie she expects you to effectively stay at home for the next 2 weeks. Lives do not stop when someone is pregnant normal people carry on working/doing hobbies. I agree with the pp - sit her down and reassure her, make sure she has all the numbers to hand and she knows you will keep an eye on your phones. Check her just before you go in and perhaps at the interval.

I also think this needs to be addressed because the anxiousness it could carry over to after she’s had the baby and she’ll expect you to be close by 24/7.

Lastly I wouldn’t be telling her what you’re doing or where you’re going to be as it clearly triggers her anxiety.

GiraffesAtThePark · 08/10/2025 08:09

Do people not understand what “unfortunately” means? Maybe I’m missing something but it seems clear to me that it is unfortunate that her partner left her when pregnant with her first child. I don’t understand where the judgement is in that word.

zaxxon · 08/10/2025 08:10

Tricky one, I can see both sides. Of course you want to support your daughter, but there comes a point where constant support is detrimental in that it stops her from realising she is actually capable of managing on her own.

I agree with PP who said "talk to her". Get her to open up about her anxieties. Ask her if you and she can work together to find a way that you both get what you want - she feels safe, you get your long-planned evening out. Go through some options.

If she has some agency in resolving the problem, it will help her psychologically - more than you swooping in to rescue her will do.

Iceandfire92 · 08/10/2025 08:11

Walkaround · 08/10/2025 08:00

Personally, I think she is being excessively needy. However, why is she booked in for a C section? What’s wrong with the pregnancy, as it's not normal to have a planned C-section for no reason? Is there a genuine risk she will be going into premature labour? Also, did you go into labour early with your children, because that would increase the likelihood of your dd being inclined to shorter pregnancies?

If there is actually no good reason to suppose your dd will be going into labour on Saturday evening and having a rapid and complicated labour, then being only an hour away with your phones on vibrate to alert you if needed during the performance, seems a perfectly acceptable distance to me.

I think you're being disingenuous and are using this post to have a dig at women who choose c-sections. Surely everyone knows that you can choose an elective section?!

sittingonabeach · 08/10/2025 08:12

At the stage of pregnancy OP’s daughter is at I was still working an hour commute away from home and the midwife unit I was booked in to. DH was also an hour away.

OP and her DH are not abandoning their DD, unlike the arsehole partner. They are going to be there for her and I assume will be helping her after the baby is born. But they can’t put their life on total hold for DD.

Joanissy · 08/10/2025 08:12

Wow… nice parenting.

SummerEve · 08/10/2025 08:12

Mmmkaay · 07/10/2025 23:19

She's your daughter and she's on her own. Why is your DH being so stubborn about it? Unless she has form for being controlling?

That’s a stretch. He is allowed to have a different view.

GiraffesAtThePark · 08/10/2025 08:12

Gruffporcupine · 08/10/2025 07:56

People saying "DH had to go to work"... can you not see the difference here, honestly? The theatre is an optional jolly. The optics are absolutely terrible, especially in the circumstances. I'm sure you'd all have been equally upset and anxious if your DHs had said they're off on a jolly when you're more or less full term and days away from a scheduled C Section. It would be all "LTB" on here!

Edited

I disagree. I’d be fine with my husband going to the theatre before my child was born as long as he had his phone. After the birth it’s hard to do things like that so I think it’s fine to do things like that before.

BunnyLake · 08/10/2025 08:13

Walkaround · 08/10/2025 08:00

Personally, I think she is being excessively needy. However, why is she booked in for a C section? What’s wrong with the pregnancy, as it's not normal to have a planned C-section for no reason? Is there a genuine risk she will be going into premature labour? Also, did you go into labour early with your children, because that would increase the likelihood of your dd being inclined to shorter pregnancies?

If there is actually no good reason to suppose your dd will be going into labour on Saturday evening and having a rapid and complicated labour, then being only an hour away with your phones on vibrate to alert you if needed during the performance, seems a perfectly acceptable distance to me.

I had two planned c sections for no other reason than I didn’t want to push them out.

Why do you sound so judgemental demanding to know why she’s having a c section. None of your damn business.

deadpan · 08/10/2025 08:14

Allthings · 08/10/2025 08:05

Context is everything…unfortunately pregnant without a partner which is completely different to unfortunately pregnant.

If the partner was still on the scene there would have been no reason for the OP to have posted as any discussions about being nearby would be with the partner and not the parents who are now having to take on the role that a partner would have fulfilled.

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She didn't have to say unfortunately at all though did she. Everyone else would have thought how unfortunate it is that her partner's left her.
Is it unfortunate for OP because she feels for her daughter or, in light of what the post is about, unfortunate the partners left because she and hubby want to go to the theatre and not be bothered by their very worried daughter.

Obeseandashamed · 08/10/2025 08:14

Put it into perspective… if you lived an hour away, you wouldn’t be moving in with her and not leave the house in case she went into labour. Go to the theatre and keep your phone with you in case she goes into labour.

diddl · 08/10/2025 08:16

Is someone usually contactable day to day for her then?

Presumably you can't change the tickets?

I would be reluctant to cancel tbh.

Obeseandashamed · 08/10/2025 08:16

Also even if she does go into labour they won’t perform a section straight away unless it’s an emergency! I have had 2 emergency sections with very complicated births. My second was a cat 1 emergency in the middle of the night. We live 45 mins away from the hospital I was at and my husband still made it in time! My first was also a cat 1 section but we lived 5 minutes away from the hospital and my husband wasn’t allowed in as I had to have general anaesthetic that time.

JaneEyre40 · 08/10/2025 08:17

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:14

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

I can't believe I'm reading this. She's your daughter.

RubySquid · 08/10/2025 08:19

momager1 · 07/10/2025 23:44

nasty. she is not being a spoiled "brat" .. she is a young woman afraid and alone. How about building women up instead of dragging them down ????

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But expecting her parents to drop everything simply as she's pregnant is ridiculous. When did people get so unable to do the basic looking after themselves. Seriously I was 20 still working full time and my partner was deployed in the middle East when 36 weeks pregnant with my eldest Parents an hour away. . Strangely enough I coped

Pasly · 08/10/2025 08:22

Did other peoples partners stop work and stuff leading up to their due date? Because mine didn't nor did I expect him to. He worked on film sets around the country so phone obviously off. I didn't expect him to stop working because I might go into labour. I had contingency plans in case I went into labour early but life does go on.
You are at a theatre an hour away you can check your phone at the interval the play is probably 2 hour max so you will be gone about 4 hours. I think she needs reassurance that she will be fine and you will call her before play starts and at interval. I agree with your dh I do not think you need to cancel your plans.

JaneEyre40 · 08/10/2025 08:24

Dazzlemered · 07/10/2025 23:18

Also I hope she never sees this post.

Unfortunately pregnant, what a horrible thing to say!

That's exactly what I thought. With a Mum like this....

Devonmaid1844 · 08/10/2025 08:24

Go to the theatre, this sounds harsh but if she's about to be a mum. She needs to be able to cope on her own for a few hours. If you cancel you'll only be feeding her belief she can't cope and it's a panicked situation

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 08/10/2025 08:25

MeetMyCat · 08/10/2025 06:53

Not wanting to catch a bus whilst in labour does not mean she needs counselling

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"Extremely anxious" "distraught "

At the very small chance that's getting will go into labour in the 5 hour window her mum and dad aren't around? And even with that, they would be back in an hour. That sounds behind any normal level of worry.

And who said she needs to get a bus to the hospital?

JaneEyre40 · 08/10/2025 08:25

Pasly · 08/10/2025 08:22

Did other peoples partners stop work and stuff leading up to their due date? Because mine didn't nor did I expect him to. He worked on film sets around the country so phone obviously off. I didn't expect him to stop working because I might go into labour. I had contingency plans in case I went into labour early but life does go on.
You are at a theatre an hour away you can check your phone at the interval the play is probably 2 hour max so you will be gone about 4 hours. I think she needs reassurance that she will be fine and you will call her before play starts and at interval. I agree with your dh I do not think you need to cancel your plans.

I think you need to get higher standards. Of course my partner stopped work and was on hand. He's my partner, the father of the child.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 08/10/2025 08:25

sittingonabeach · 08/10/2025 08:12

At the stage of pregnancy OP’s daughter is at I was still working an hour commute away from home and the midwife unit I was booked in to. DH was also an hour away.

OP and her DH are not abandoning their DD, unlike the arsehole partner. They are going to be there for her and I assume will be helping her after the baby is born. But they can’t put their life on total hold for DD.

Same here. I worked 1 hour from home (and hospital), DH worked 1 hour away in completely the opposite direction. it never occurred to me that it was an issue.

Your DD is becoming too dependent on you. I get that she's feeling scared and vulnerable but she can't expect you to drop everything.

Spinaltapped · 08/10/2025 08:26

I was in your DDs position, pregnant in my thirthies and living alone. Your daughter is hugely anxious, which is understandable, and you need to support her.

If she can't stay with a friend or family member on the night, then I think you need to cancel the theatre, your DH can go with a friend.

Your DH attitude is a bit shitty - is he going to resist helping your DD with the baby? My mother's attitude was that I had made bad choices and didn't deserve support. She was not a nice woman.

ImSoPeopledOut · 08/10/2025 08:26

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:24

Yes we’ve said we’ll check our phones and leave if needed. She is saying she will have to book a hotel near the hospital for that night if we don’t cancel.

Sorted then, that's good

Pasly · 08/10/2025 08:27

JaneEyre40 · 08/10/2025 08:25

I think you need to get higher standards. Of course my partner stopped work and was on hand. He's my partner, the father of the child.

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Oh give over he stopped work when you were 36 weeks? I didn't even stop work when I was 36 weeks