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Original poster

To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

1000 replies

Yournw · 07/10/2025 23:14

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 08/10/2025 07:29

Yabu. She's may be in her 30s but she's feeling very vulnerable at the moment and reaching out to her parents the only ones who not let her down. Your comment re unfortunately pregnant isn't nice. Do you even like your daughter as sounds like you not happy she moved back. Your poor daughter needs support now. She's very scared. I'd rearrange the theatre.

Nestingbirds · 08/10/2025 07:29

Op can you explain why your dd needs a c section and why it is so early? It feels like a key part of this stlory has been left out, and might explain her concern, or it may not.

I imagine it’s also because you are in a theatre, so you can’t have the volume turned on or up, so you might miss her calls,

NerrSnerr · 08/10/2025 07:30

She needs to work on managing her anxiety. If not I’ll roll into when the baby is born and they won’t be able to do anything then either. I know it’s hard and scary but she needs to do this, of course with support, but that doesn’t mean that every plan needs cancelling.

ComfortFoodCafe · 08/10/2025 07:30

Go to the theatre otherwise it will end up with her expecting you to always be there when the baby is born. She needs to know she will be fine, it will help with the anxiety. Just leave your phones on and let her know this.

CarrotCrusader · 08/10/2025 07:33

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HRTQueen · 08/10/2025 07:33

HoppingPavlova · 08/10/2025 05:35

Asking someone to be around because you're scared to go into labour when you're close to your due date IS reasonable, and is nowhere near batshit

But most people wouldn’t have that luxury and have to live in the real world. As I said, for two of mine (including first), my DH worked over an hour away and there was no one else who could have stepped in. It would have been unreasonable to ask DH to stop work to sit on the couch eyeballing me 24/7. On top of that the hospital was over an hour from where we lived (I deliberately chose one that far for several reasons). There was no need to be berating DH for daring to work, or camping outside DH’s work ‘just in case’ because you are close to due date! The reality for many people is that everyone one else has to live life normally, and in the really tiny proportion of cases where something goes wrong you just have to call an ambulance.

Just because you are pregnant doesn’t mean everyone drops life to be at your beck and call. That doesn’t mean people don’t care about you! It just means people are acting rationally, and if you can’t accept that, then it’s you acting irrationally. In this situation, as a parent, I’d happily go to the theatre. I would however make concessions in that i’d turn my phone to silent rather than off as I usually do in that scenario. I’d also keep it face down on my lap rather than in my handbag so I’d be sure to hear/feel the vibration of a text. I’d also only have 1 or 2 drinks whereas I may usually have more if DH with me and is driving. We’d be prepared to leave the theatre if necessary. I’d think all of that is ‘being there and giving support’ and if someone chose not to see and accept that, then it’s heading towards unreasonable territory with a risk of a steep slide to batshit.

Your husband being over an hour away is not the same as being alone when having a baby of course you didn’t feel as vulnerable and alone because you wasn’t

her ex isn’t going to be rushing to support her and their child when she needs him he has rejected them

this isn’t just about being physically alone it’s emotionally alone too which is doubly hard to deal with when pregnant

the lack of empathy of this thread astounding from women who have had children

reabies · 08/10/2025 07:38

My mum moved a 6-week trip to the States when she found out I was pregnant, and she was due to be back about a month before baby was born anyway. She wanted to be on hand for anything, literally anything during my pregnancy, and I have a husband too. Not saying everyone should go to these lengths but to not be willing to miss the theatre for one night to reassure your daughter is...telling.

My in laws were unable to help babysit for us recently when I had to be abroad and DH needed some support on nursery pickup due to his commute. Because they had a theatre trip booked. I have not and will not forget it.

Notmyreality · 08/10/2025 07:38

Cel77 · 08/10/2025 07:02

That's your experience . I went into labour at 35 weeks, completely unexpectedly. It happens . It's not unlikely at all to go into labour around that time of pregnancy.

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I don’t think you know the definition of unlikely.

tripleginandtonic · 08/10/2025 07:38

FuzzyWolf · 07/10/2025 23:17

I would tell her that you will leave the theatre if she shows signs of going into labour.

This. 36 weeks is still very early.

Avie29 · 08/10/2025 07:38

Im actually shocked at the amount of people saying cancel your tickets… DD is in her 30s and can’t cope one evening without mum n dad? How does she suppose she is going to handle a baby? She might be anxious and scared but a woman in her 30s should be able to rationalise its only an evening and the likelihood of her going into labour during those few hours is slim, plus OH is right even if she does go into labour an hour isn’t going to make much difference or call an ambulance and they meet her at the hospital xx

brightgreenpepper · 08/10/2025 07:38

Bepo77 · 08/10/2025 07:13

I'm afraid it is, statistically unlikely

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It’s statistically VERY unlikely to both go into labour at 36 weeks AND for it to progress so quickly that you don’t get more than an hour’s notice to summon partner/family.

It’s possible yes but not at all likely.

Notmyreality · 08/10/2025 07:39

Of course you go to the theatre. You keep hold of your phone on silent and keep checking it regularly.

BogRollBOGOF · 08/10/2025 07:40

Has she been accessing support through her MW team to help her manage the difficult circumstances and emotional effect she's going through with the pregnancy? There normally are specialist MWs trained for additional support.

Even with a partner, it's generally not reasonable to expect one person/ couple to be constantly avaliable during the last weeks of pregnancy. Arranging to have a friend "on call" would be a good strategy to spread the load.

The day before labour began developing (39wks), I ended up asking DH to stay off work. I was very twingy and emotional and couldn't face the day alone. Between months of SPD and heavy snowfall, I'd been unable to leave the house independently for weeks and couldn't face that day trapped in the house alone again.
Unless there is a medical issue making early labour more likely, she's less likely for her body to go into spontaneous labour mode at that stage.
Parental support is a long-haul issue and there is a limit to what sacrifice can reasonably be asked for over a prolonged period. If it's a last minute cancellation with specific concerns, that's fair enough but cancelling in advance for a generalised concern isn't fair or a healthy starting point for the next phase.

SapphireSeptember · 08/10/2025 07:41

PollyBell · 07/10/2025 23:43

Life does not stop when someone is pregnant, i presume she ia living with you and did not thinl of the impact on you having to house her an now a child when she got herself pregnant she cant own your decisions

And yes I am being harsh but grandparents just seem to be there for however it works for the way they are told to be, they seem not to exist as people themselves on here, they seem to need permission to have a life

The daughter is living in her own house. Bit different.

user2848502016 · 08/10/2025 07:42

I went to a wedding when I was 37 weeks, it was about 40 drive from home/the hospital. I told DH he might as well drink because I couldn’t and I would drive us home. My parents and all other family I could have called in an emergency and drinking.
I thought I would be completely fine (and I didn’t go in to labour) but actually on the night realising everyone was over the limit to drive apart from me if anything happened made me feel quite vulnerable and anxious and I wished I had asked DH not to drink (just to add he wasn’t drunk just couldn’t drive).
Your DD must be feeling particularly vulnerable at the moment, late pregnancy does make you feel like that anyway and if she has been through a relationship breakup and having a baby alone too she’s already going through a difficult time.
I would cancel the theatre this time, prioritise your daughter. Maybe DH could take a friend or relative instead?

FuckRealityBringMeABook · 08/10/2025 07:42

First babies can be fast labours. Mine was, all done and dusted in 4 hours and subsequent babies were much faster. But we do have a family history of it.

DaisyChain505 · 08/10/2025 07:43

Your poor daughter’s life has been turned completely upside down when she’s at her most vulnerable.

she needs you right now.

Have a heart and support your poor child in whatever way she needs.

cramptramp · 08/10/2025 07:43

Gruffporcupine · 08/10/2025 06:55

My parents who are in their 70s and live a couple of hundred miles away were in the car at 4am and on their way when I went into labour. I had DH by my side, but they came anyway because it was my first and I hadn't been well. I feel sorry for people, like OP's daughter, who have parents who wouldn't do the same

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They would do the same. OP has said she’ll go to the hospital. Just not be by the daughter’s side at all times before this. Not unreasonable. The daughter is 30 not a teenager.

Bundleflower · 08/10/2025 07:44

DaisyChain505 · 08/10/2025 07:43

Your poor daughter’s life has been turned completely upside down when she’s at her most vulnerable.

she needs you right now.

Have a heart and support your poor child in whatever way she needs.

This. I can’t imagine leaving my daughter feeling so distressed when she’s so vulnerable - 30s or not!

HoppingPavlova · 08/10/2025 07:44

@HRTQueen Okay, so the parents can quit jobs if they have them, not go out at all and sit opposite their daughter on the couch eyeballing her 24/7, or taking turns to do so while the other sleeps. If that all makes her feel ‘okay’ then, well, that’s reasonable.

The problem is there is a core issue here, and that core issue is not going to be addressed nor resolved whether the parents act like normal people and go to the theatre with their phones being prepared to come home if necessary, or they spend 24/7 holding her hand on a couch while all staring at the ceiling. The issue the daughter has will still be there. She’s got to learn to march on at this point as there’s a long road ahead and it won’t be pretty if she doesn’t!

SapphireSeptember · 08/10/2025 07:45

AlinaRawlings · 07/10/2025 23:42

She’s being absolutely ridiculous! She sounds terrified though so I would try to calm her by telling her she’s very unlikely to drop her first baby at 36 weeks within an hour of labour starting. She’s about to be a mother, she needs to suck it up and stop being a spoilt brat.

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She's just been dumped and is worried about getting to hospital if she goes into labour. Calling her a spoilt brat is fucking ridiculous.

Added to that I know someone who was in labour for all of two hours when she had her first. I never went into labour with DS and had a c section on his due date.

Gnarab24 · 08/10/2025 07:45

I guess a lot depends on what you’re going to see

kkloo · 08/10/2025 07:47

spoonbillstretford · 08/10/2025 07:25

Not at all. If anything I was trying to support the poster who is a real person, reading your posts, from all the bullies and find a rational solution.

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Her daughter might not be reading, but she is a real person who may end up affected by this thread too.
Many people are saying noooo don't be there for your heavily pregnant daughter even though she's distressed, well that may have long term consequences for their relationship or for the daughters mental health.

And if the OP does go to the theatre backed by all the posters supporting her, painting her daughter as irrational, she may very well come to regret that decision, and she's the one who has to live with the consequences, not the posters who will have forgotten about this thread by tonight.

Iceandfire92 · 08/10/2025 07:49

The first thing you brought up is that she is unfortunately pregnant without a partner. I feel like you and your husband are judging her for this and would almost certainly treat her differently if she was happily married.

Digdongdoo · 08/10/2025 07:49

Can't she have a friend or sibling or someone over that evening? I don't get why it's you staying home or nothing. Are you at home with her 24/7 when not at the theatre?

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