To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

Poor OP is getting a hard time here.
Of course she meant it is unfortunate that he left her.
DD is in her thirties and the chances of her needing her parents on Saturday night are very slim indeed and they can keep their phones (on silent) on their laps at the theatre.
The people on here berating her clearly do not have adult children. It’s ridiculous to run your lives by the needs of adult children. Women can absolutely manage early labour alone. They’ve done so for thousands of years. Ridiculous. Givethe OP a break

Sorry but I would go to the theatre and ask her to find a friend to be on call til the theatre finishes.

From what you have said I expect she will be wanting a lot of help from you both once the baby is born so I think you need to take this opportunity now.

While she has split with the father, is he not having any involvement at all?

Oh give over. Labour isn't a daily occurrence. Prioritises spring to mind.

Given she’s having an early c-section, what has she been told to do if she has earlier signs of labour? I had a planned c-section with my second but a spontaneous labour would have been allowed to progress had that happened earlier. But I know in some cases you will be told to contact the maternity unit immediately if you have any signs of labour. Depends on the reasons for the c-section. If it’s the latter I can understand why your DD is more jittery.

Realistically women don’t often have someone on hand 24/7 - my own DH works an hour from home and was there when I went into labour with our first DC (we have no local family).

However, your DD is anxious, a trip to the theatre is optional.

If it’s a particularly high risk pregnancy, then cancel.

if not, I would work with your DD to see if you can make her feel less anxious by having a plan for ‘what if’ (is there not a friend who would drive her, a friendly local taxi firm you can speak to).

if she’s still anxious then cancel the trip and have an evening at home with your DD.

Well, the OP has said they are on hand to take her to hospital at short notice. There is an easy solution of having someone else sit with her. No need for a pile on.

Being scared isn’t being a spoiled brat, at least not to anyone with emotional intelligence.

Don’t you or DH have any friends? Surely one of you stays with DD and the other takes a mate to the theatre?

Wow, so you really meant they aren't allowed to go out? Labour isn't a house arrest situation.

Unless she really is in active labour which is unlikely keep your phones on and go. Get her to invite a friend round.

But you had no issue with piling on about the pregnant woman that's being discussed on here.

I do think she is being unreasonable. Normal life doesn’t stop with pregnancy. When I was pregnant and on maternity leave, my dh had 1.5 hours commute each way. Should I have told home to stay home ‘just in case?’. He would’ve lost his job! You’re already supporting her enormously-if she has contractions and buzzes you, you can leave. It’s what spouses have been doing and still do! She does need to toughen up a bit if she has a baby dependent on her.

So who is her birth partner? Is that you? If you are her birth partner then no you shouldn’t be going so far away so close to her due date- a woman wouldn’t expect her husband to do so if he was her birth partner.

are you going to be with her for her c section?

Very dramatic. OP can go to the theatre anytime. You lack empathy!

This situation is not about you.
And this is a request between child and PARENT. She’s asking for support for herself giving birth, not grandparents to babysit. Focus.

Don’t women have husbands who work? Of course birth partners can be an hour away from the home 2 weeks before the due date.

Agreed. The priority needs to be seeking help for the anxiety not cancelling everything, how will she manage when the baby arrives? Is there a way you can reassure her with a list of taxi numbers or a friend who could give her a lift if labour starts quickly? I worked up until 38 weeks (in a hjob that involved staying away for days at a time many hours from home) and whilst early labour is always an unknown most women are able to continue usual life if they have a healthy pregnancy and one evening away shouldn't cause this much stress. I'd be concerned that when the baby arrives she will really struggle.

Your daughter has been abandoned by her partner, is dealing with anxiety, and you describe her as distraught, yet your husband is all for leaving her and you are actually considering it, with her feeling so bad?

If our daughter had been through what yours had, and was asking us for this, there would be no way either me or her dad wouldn’t be right there for her.

She needs you. She probably is being over cautious, but she sounds incredibly frightened and anxious, which has probably been intensified by her partner leaving and now needing a caesarean. Just be there for her.

I wish her well. Poor woman. She will likely become very strong having faced this, but for now she just needs you.

Not at all. If anything I was trying to support the poster who is a real person, reading your posts, from all the bullies and find a rational solution.

I'd go to the theatre and keep my phone on. Sorry but she is not a vulnerable 16 year old. She is a 30 year old woman who will be a mother and responsible for her own child in a few short weeks. If she's reassured by booking into a hotel room closer to the hospital that's her choice.

I thought that was clear from the whole sentence / opening paragraph.

The lack of partner is the issue in the anxiety and feeling worried, when at 36 weeks the risk is low. But when is a c-section book so early? That might also explain her concern.

You lack empathy with the OP and also the ability to assess risk and use logic.

I'd go to the theatre.

For a lot of women, their partner will have a job and be commuting pretty much up until the due date, and may well be over an hour away and stuck in a meeting where they can't check their phone every 2 mins. This isn't really much different from that.

Personally I worked until 39 weeks in all of my pregnancies, so if I'd gone into labour I'd have had to get myself home (or wait for DH to commute an hour to pick the car up, then drive for 40 mins to come and get me).

I'd let her get the hotel for a night if she's that worried, when babies can arrive during fairly long time windows I dont think life can be put on hold for weeks and weeks.

But please dont say shes "unfortunately pregnant", that's horrible.

That’s ridiculous. Most husbands are working up until their babies are born which means they could be anywhere. My husband was worked all over the local area when I had my kids meaning he could be up to 2 hours away. It’s not like in the month before my due date he could tell his boss that he couldn’t do his job, just in case. So many other people will be the same- it’s just normal. It’s not normal to have someone stay within a couple of minutes of you, just in case.

Absolutely. All of this stuff about "nothing will really get started for ages" (a) isn't necessarily true as some women have very quick labours and (b) even if it is true, may be fine for women who have planned a vaginal birth and don't need a C section but doesn't necessarily apply to OP's daughter.

@Yournw MN is a bizarre place.
Most think 17yo are fine to have sex everywhere im their parents home, you should LTB for not washing a cup, all people living in a house should do their own washing, ironing and food shop from about 10yo!

However under no circumstances should you leave your daughter, who is in her 30s alone for a few hours in the 3rd trimester of her pregnancy!
What nonsense.
She has had a terrible time, your OP was very badly phrased, but she's a grown up. Surely another family member or friend could stay with her?

I was at work until 38 weeks with my first, over an hours drive from home.