To tell pregnant DD we won’t cancel the theatre?

[Yournw]

DD is unfortunately pregnant with her first baby, without a partner. She was in a relationship and mid way through he left her. It’s been awful and we’ve tried our best to be supportive. She was living with her partner but has since moved back to her own home which is in the same town where we live.

She is due to have a c section in 9 days. The due date is a week later so she’s around 36 weeks now.

She is extremely anxious about going into labour and being alone in the house with nobody to take her to hospital. We have obviously said we will do this if that should happen and she can call us.

However..we are supposed to be going to the theatre this Saturday which is around an hour drive away. DD is not happy about this and has asked us not to go so that we are nearby should anything happen. DH is adamant we should go to the theatre and not miss the show. He is strongly of the opinion that she’s in her thirties and can look after herself and if she was to go into labour then the first hour or so isn’t going to make much difference.

DD is now distraught and I feel stuck in the middle. What would you do?!

That's your experience . I went into labour at 35 weeks, completely unexpectedly. It happens . It's not unlikely at all to go into labour around that time of pregnancy.

Poor girl. My dad would have been there for me all the way and said 'Blow the theatre, this is my daughter and grandchild we are talking about'. But, he was a product of WW2 so had a Blitz spirit and family came first.

How far from the hospital is she? Could she not get a taxi?

I totally agree. There are obviously some pregnancy complications, in addition to OP's DD's pre-natal anxiety, if they have booked a first time mum in for an elective caesarian before 40 weeks. She could have pre-eclampsia or placenta praevia, or the baby could be breech. If that is the case, going into labour alone could be dangerous.

Could she have a friend stay over for the night?
Someone she trusts/can rely on. Chances are that she won’t go into labour so it seems a shame to miss your theatre show.

I’d say go to the theatre. When I was pregnant with both DC, I was fortunate enough to have a DH but he worked over an hour away and was often difficult to contact at work (rural location).
With my pregnancy with DC2, I was in a situation where I could go into labour with a toddler at home and DH not there nor able to arrive especially quickly. My parents and in-laws lived an hour away too. It wasn’t ideal but we just got on with it. Fortunately I went into labour during the night when DH was at home.
It’s very unlikely that she’d have a rapid labour and you can keep your phone on silent during the show.

Wow.

Maybe she doesn't have friends. I wonder why if she is expecting people to drop all their plans and sit in their house for several weeks? So you are saying that at no time in the last few weeks would it have been ok for her parents to have a single night out? And of course they will be providing a lot of support when the grandchild is born. They are allowed their night out. Your response is irrational in the face of an easy solution.

She may be in her 30s but there's not a chance in hell I"d leave my vulnerable DD alone if she was that scared. Have you always been so uncaring?

Of course it's unlikely, that's why all babies are given a 40 week due date

She is trying to control situations as the breakup was out of her control. She is desperately clinging to keeping her loved ones close by. It’s just fear. Honestly if she went into spontaneous instant labour then call an ambulance. Hopefully she can find a friend to spend the evening with to distract her, or a Netflix and takeaway and you two can enjoy the show. Go to the show, she is going to be a single mum, she needs to learn to stand on her feet and be in control.

This is forum is never beating the allegations.
Why you felt the need to tell us your daughter is “unfortunately” having a baby solo tells me how you and your husband feel about her. “She’s in her 30s and can take care of herself” doesn’t apply to a woman in labour. I don’t know if that rationale is just your lack of empathy or being dense, or which is worse.
Yes you should cancel the theatre. You cannot predict how labour will go or if any situation holds you up from getting to her. Many theatres allow refunds or get a voucher to book a different date.

There's been no suggestion of anything of the sort. Just that she's very anxious that no one will be there to take her to the hospital a few days before her scheduled section if she happens to go into labour early.

Hope that helps.

Anyway, good luck with the unfortunate situation OP. I think there's a bit more to be worked on here than just missing the performance.

For those saying OP shouldn’t go to the theatre at what point would you say they should stop going anywhere just so they can be on call? Are they not allowed to go and see other friends, relatives, go shopping, go to work?

It's not that unlikely at all. You probably know many people who have went into labour a couple of weeks early, it's certainly not rare, even if it is more likely that they'll go to 40 weeks.

“Unfortunately”? Sorry but I am not buying the supportive parents comment.

On the practicalities, it’s probably ok to go to the theatre. But what comes across from your post is that you perceive your daughter’s situation in a very negative and unhelpful way. I really feel for her.

In your shoes I would be thinking what she needs in terms of support and trying to provide that. That includes emotional support- maybe that’s someone staying with her rather than doing the theatre trip, even though it might not be strictly necessary.

Your husband sounds very unkind. I’d let him go on his own.

I'm afraid it is, statistically unlikely

This one night though? How long is the embargo on nights out to last? Shouldn't they be round there all the time in the day by the same rules? What if they have a day out over an hour away, is that allowed? Christ, I'd be mortified to ask anyone to change their plans like this. Plus a planned c-section makes things a lot more clear cut and organised. My babies, like most people's, could have come any time. I was working full time up to 35 weeks and many work for a few weeks more. Yes the baby could come early. Realistically no-one other than the mum to be can be on 24 hour baby watch.

This. Having a first baby with no support is enough to make anyone feel anxious.

On a practical note, it's usually possible to change dates on theatre tickets - call the box office.

I agree. I’m shocked too!
Pregnancy/labour is often a vulnerable and life-threatening time as well.

But sure, hop along to see Mousetrap at the theatre 🙄 Good lord.

Are there complications? Having a c section that early is unusual.

At 36 weeks in a “normal” pregnancy being an hour away would be considered fine. Most partners work and the commute could easily be up to an hour so most pregnant women are left alone.

Im curious why she wants to book a hotel near the hospital? That seems disproportionately anxious. Do you live far from the hospital?

its difficult to say who is being unreasonable without knowing the family dynamics. Is dh often unsupportive? Does dd often place high demands on you? Is the hotel thing a way of making you feel guilty.

You are going to annoy either your dd or dh so you need to decide which one to support. If she’s manipulating you then it’s time to set boundaries but if she’s genuinely struggling then it’s time to support her.

I'd doubt she'd go into labour that early and she'd scheduled for a C section. I'd still go but keep your phone on you and check it regularly. She's full of anxiety right now, is it possible to get a friend to stay with her?

This is shocking from you and OP. What sort of relationship do you have with DD? Is it your DH daughter also?

When I went into labour it lasted 4 days. By the time I got to hospital my baby was out within 30 minutes and babies heart rate dropped also.