To ask if anything has ever happened in your life that has really changed your perspective?

[GirlsJustWannaHave]

I’m in my mid-20s and a close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer this year. They were fit, healthy, had no prior issues and all of a sudden, cancer. Luckily they’re set to make a full recovery but it’s really made me grateful for everyday and made me realise that you never know what’s around the corner.

Has anyone else ever had anything happen that’s really changed their perspective?

Sure lots of things. I lost both of my parents to cancer when I was in my early twenties; I was 21 one of my dad died in 23 when my mom died. My husband left me after 20 years of marriage because he "did not want to be responsible for family anymore."

Losing the hearing in my right ear overnight

I assumed it was temporary hearing loss brought on by a bad dose of flu, repeated asthma attacks and bronchitis. However, seven months, one audiometry test, three MRIs and a CAT scan later, it was revealed that I have a rare, slow growing, benign brain tumour (vestibular schwannoma) that damaged my aural nerve meaning my right sided deafness is permanent, & I also have poor balance and tinnitus

The irony is that until the morning I woke up 50% deaf, I had extraordinarily good hearing, to the point where some old friends used to call me Radar …

Being attacked and having PTSD changed my perspective on life. I don’t think that I’ll ever be the same person but treatment also changed my view on the attack and emotions that I felt surrounding it (sadly it didn’t cure the ptsd but helped massively).

Having a child changed my perspective on life

Do did losing a few friends before the age of 25

Leaving my very controlling exdp and starting from scratch at 30 did too

All actually quite traumatic experiences (I was not ready for dc, was on the pill, living at home, student but exdp thankfully convinced me to keep him, I absolutely adore ds but had pretty intense ppd and was quite unwell when I was pregnant and afterwards, as was ds )

They have all changed my perspective for the better I think. I have grown kinder and I'd like to think a little wiser, a little less preoccupied with what may be and a little more mindful of the good that is right now

Lost my grandad and I ain’t been the same since but slowly am Getifn a little of it back but won’t ever come back fully I look at life now as people are taken from me who didn’t deserve to go how they did left me broken and angry but cos I got kids 2 only 3 and 4 and 16 year old I am sort of also thinking how they see what I do and affects me so it hard one but I have changed my view on life and that I want to live life to full and be a fun mom

Yes.

Friend committed suicide when we were 29.

I feel like I was more… innocent? before that point.

I’m so sorry I know that feeling my brother committed suicide I felt the same way with the innocence so hard to explain though isn’t it

Having children (you realise what really matters. And it isn't education or career )

Marrying into a toxic and dysfunctional family that genuinely lacks empathy and has zero communication skills. It took me so so long for the penny to finally drop that some people literally just....don't care about others and take joy in being unkind.

Well done x for speaking up once u realise what a feeling it is though x

I just quietly disengaged and became less invested in any effort. I was ploughing in so much effort to MIL, making excuses to myself for her off behaviour. Letting her wax and wane with her respect towards me, getting nothing back for my efforts. She was once intense and interfering with my children and disrespected me so blatantly (I was vulnerable and allowed it ) at a time when I desperately needed support and care. Once they started forming opinions and getting less "cute" she lost all interest and can go months at a time without seeing them. She says really cruel things about others too that are icy cold and heartless. I just realised that.... She's just not a very nice person. Simple as that.

I just quietly withdrew my efforts.

That was cathartic 😁

Oh yes once that phase goes they lose interest and if we don’t make effort we wrong but in the end it’s affects us so much get to a point like no more xx

I realised (thanks to Mumsnet) that I was in an abusive marriage. I then had to live with the abuse for another year+ while I got my ducks in a row.

Then my ex h assaulted my daughter and I found out how family courts and Social Services are leveraged to support abusers - when I reported the abuse of my child, I was shocked to discover that I became at risk of losing my daughter. This is because these systems believe that mums turn kids against dads, rather than just believing mum and child that dads are dangerous.

My eyes have been opened to the misogyny embedded in our society and systems forevermore. It's ugly and sad, but I also feel that I can now better protect myself and my child.

The far too early death of a close family member made me realise its a privilege to grow old, get grey hair, wrinkles, and everything else that people fret about when it comes to aging.

I got psychosis at 44 and lost everything id built up after an abusive and traumatic upbringing

My DS almost died when he was 1 from pneumonia and sepsis. Going through that really shook the foundations of what I thought was safe.
COVID changed my view on humanity. I used to really see the best in humanity until lockdown. People became awful. Fighting over toilet roll and pasta! Reporting neighbours. Mass hysteria. Something fundermentally changed in me.
Then in 2022 I had a bleed on the brain at 31. Unknown cause. Thunderclap headache, couldn't lift my arm or talk when the initial headache hit. Ended up having surgery a week later. Was told 1 in 3 chance dying, 1 in 3 chance long term disability and 1 in 3 everything will go well. Had endovascular coiling. Spent a week in hospital, 24 initial hours on HDU. I'm not the same as I was, get tired more easily, memory problems and nerve pain but I'm alive and have had no more bleeds.

I'm more hopeful now.

Extended and severe lockdowns during COVID and having the borders closed to my country. Didn’t realise how deeply this impacted me until quite recently.

I got a knee injury doing gymnastics at 20 so couldn't walk for months and had to have physio. Bizarrely it seemed to cure my disordered eating and dislike of my body. I'd always been very restrictive with eating, and saw my body as being undeserving, but after putting so much work into being able to walk again it made me appreciate how lucky I was to have a functional body whatever it looked like.

I also remember looking out of a window on a night flight and seeing how many cars there were on a motorway, all these people living their own lives. I was sticking out a horrible job at the time because I felt like I should, and I realised whatever I chose the world would keep on turning and it somehow gave me permission to quit.

I had the identity trifecta - broke up with long term partner, got made redundant and was kicked out of rental I'd lived in for 6 years so landlord's daughter could move in - all over a couple of months. It was really rough - I lost my relationship, my job and my house. None through anything I had actually done.

I became chronically ill when I was 32. My ex "didn't want to look after a disabled person". I lost my job, my marriage, my home, my health and my driving licence all within in one year. My world turned upside down and I had to completely rebuild my life from scratch. I found out that I was in a toxic and abusive relationship any way, and the illness had just highlighted that. I'm in a much better place now

I think everything does, when you’re younger life is so easy then being out in the world with no safety barrier, then deaths, having kids, facing health issues- I think you become a totally different person, sometimes I realise I was so delusional- and that was a good thing, I’m so negative now, I never knew this level of exhaustion was possible.

NC for this as a lot of people IRL know my story.

Back in 1991, I was on my way to work in London. I was in my late 20s. Upon arrival at Victoria I had to make a quick decision on whether to get breakfast from the station, or buy something in the work canteen. I chose the latter as it was cheaper. A few minutes later, an IRA bomb went off. I'd have been dead without a doubt if I'd stayed because the bomb was in the bin next to the croissant shop, exactly where I'd been standing. I learnt that day that it wasn't my time to die. If I had died my two lovely DC wouldn't be here either.

So many things, every chapter has a new page!

I consider myself super lucky, I’m a very positive thinking person though and don’t let very much drag me down.
I know, in my heart and soul that for every negative, there will be a counter positives.

That has been my life experiences so far and I’m old.

Ive had extraordinary experiences both traumatic, desperately desperately sad but then extraordinarily wonderful, out of this world, 1000:1 chance lucky strikes!

You are so right, you never know what is coming around every corner but good lord, what if it’s something wonderful!

A music lesson at school when I was in year 8. The teacher was explaining something connected to notation, we just weren't getting it and he was getting more and more frustrated. Then a classmate came in late. He was in the bottom stream for everything (music wasn't streamed) and spent a fair amount of time in the special class for children with learning difficulties. The teacher asked him to do the exercise and he got it straight away, and answered several more correctly. It was a real eye opener and I think of it if I've ever been tempted to underestimate anyone since.

Slightly different perspective but seismic shift for me was fairly recently (working in Tech) and starting to realise the profound effect that AI and AGI is going to have, particularly on the future of my children. I have always believed in the benefits of uni and further education and a traditionally professional career choice but it feels like all bets are off now. I don’t see this as negative necessarily. Learning where the real opportunities will be in the future seems to be the tricky part.

My brother taking his own life last year, it’s changed me in ways I can’t describe