To ask if anything has ever happened in your life that has really changed your perspective?

[GirlsJustWannaHave]

I’m in my mid-20s and a close friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer this year. They were fit, healthy, had no prior issues and all of a sudden, cancer. Luckily they’re set to make a full recovery but it’s really made me grateful for everyday and made me realise that you never know what’s around the corner.

Has anyone else ever had anything happen that’s really changed their perspective?

Many, many things. Most significant recently was early last year being treated badly by a small friendship group we did a lot with, as they decided they didn’t want to be friends with me, or their children to be friends with mine. Mutual friends were baffled as they had no idea why what happened either. It has made me not trust people, whereas before I was an easy going person who liked to be friends with everyone if I could. The cruel way they have treated my kids shows more about them than anything else so good riddance. I always knew people could be inexplicably mean and horrible, but managed to get to nearly 50 without it being directed at me specifically. I’ve had a lonely year but luckily have found some new friends, though doubt I’ll be as close to them.

Yes. However; it's possible to stray from an outlook or perspective with time.

There have been times when I've felt incredibly grateful for life in general, saw more beauty in things and people, or felt more clarity because of a particular event or situation. With time the feeling isn't as strong or subsides into the back of the mind. That's been my experience anyway.

💐

You too @LadyMacbethWasFierce , I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. It's truly awful. Sending so much love and thinking of you. 💐

For us, even before the dementia took hold of my mum, the death of my sister changed her, she was a chatty, bubbly person before with a sharp tongue and was always so confident and clear thinking. She lost her confidence a lot after losing my sister. My dad was more bereft at the beginning of the grieving; I moved back in with my parents to help them when my sister died, even though I had just turned 27 when she died. My dad didn't go back to work for about 8 or 9 months, got prescribed anti depressants and for the first few months wouldn't get out of bed. So my mum just had to try and get on with it, I could see in her eyes she wasn't the same person anymore but she just tried to help my dad through his grief.

Like your younger daughter, I too felt so angry about losing my sister, the strong bond we had, it's horrible and I miss her so much and people who just meet me now will ask if I have siblings and I always say yes, I have a sister, she died, I won't say I'm an only child because I'm not. It's been 15 years since she died and a few months since my mum died. I am grieving them both, it's weird as I thought I was "okay" about my sister (in the sense that I no longer cried talking about her) but my mum's death recently has just set me back again.

I hope you and your daughter can take comfort in each other as well, that's what I did with my parents in the immediate aftermath. My dad has been saying for years how strong women are, he said he is so lucky he had such a strong wife and two strong daughters. My sister's attitude and positivity during her cancer treatment was amazing to witness, she kept us all going.

Having kids has made me more empathetic with other parents.

Having someone close to me die by suicide after my spending years trying to help them and this combined with lockdown has on the other hand made made me a more selfish person where i will put myself first and give much less of a fuck about most other people.

'For there is a force of love moving through the universe that holds us fast and will never let us go.' - Julian of Norwich.

That God.

A small one, but I grew up pretty privileged and I did understand many other people had a lot less than I did,, but it wasn't until I joined voluntary public forum to monitor a local mental health Trust that I really saw what this meant. Most other members we're mental health service users and I was struck when they asked me if I'd be OK to pay for the two bus rides it took to get to one side. It only then really struck me how even a bus ride can be a serious expense for people on the lowest incomes and train/tube costs could be prohibitive and ever since then I am really aware that many of the 'solutions' politicians offer may still be an issue for the poorest people who can't afford stuff others can take for granted.

Was seriously physically assaulted by a street drinker/drug taker last summer in a public space. Nobody helped me, and the only person who asked me if i was ok was a young woman, and even she was making excuses for this vile man. For a while i couldn't cope with going out, and now carry a can of hairspray in my bag. Also went on a self defence course to try to get my confidence back. Am very very wary of men in public now, and on public transport. No longer have any empathy for men begging or drinking in the streets, parks etc Recently i was having a coffee outside Leon's in Victoria Station when a scuffy man came at me asking for money, they all get "f*ck off" from me now. Londoners are too easy going with these men. In spite of TFL staff telling us not to give them money idiots still do

That force of love is not moving through the universe. It is within each (or most) of us individually. It has an evolutionary basis in our theory of mind.

You do you. I'll do me 🙂

Maybe that's just love? A natural human emotion.

Agreed. Just so long as neither of us has to do a Julian.

During the first six months of Covid, my beautiful, brave, funny and clever dd tried to take her own life. She was eleven. The pandemic, transition to secondary school after not getting her preferred school, ASD burnout and a painful medical condition that we were struggling to get her help for all together made her feel like she couldn’t take anymore, the pandemic made it all worse with no mental health services.

the feeling of helplessness as a mother was crippling. I could save her from most things but I couldn’t save her from herself.

then it was the way family and close friends ghosted us. Like suicide was contagious almost. We were so alone.

my dd is thriving now and she’s just amazing in every way. But it’s always there hanging over us like a dark cloud. I’ll never be the same person that I was before I found her trying to end her life.

my dd being seriously ill at 4 years old from a vaccination which caused encephalitis of the brain
Nothing ever compares to the horror of that not my dad dying of cancer or my mum dying if dementia both of which were pretty awful
But my 4 yr old daughter living her ability to speak and understand was the worse
You are never the same again even though despite being told otherwise she recovered you never forget though the pain and the memories do dull over time

Lucy loo yes she did recover after 6 months so very very lucky but you never forget and you are never quite the same person xx

I felt the same about people after COVID. Before, I could never understand how during the 2nd world war, people reported neighbours for hiding their Jewish friends etc, but during COVID I saw the same type of behaviour - okay it didn't lead to the concentration camps, but it felt like some people wouldn't have cared if it did. We haven't really changed. Some people simply enjoy hurting others.

Also the "I'm all right Jack" and "me first" attitudes. One of our neighbours is in his 80s and the young woman next door to him never once offered to order him any groceries even though she had a regular Tesco delivery over lockdown.

One of my children died. That makes you see things very differently, very rapidly.

Being fostered as a child by an awful family. It was a terrible year, but I didn’t miss my parents or siblings.

I didn’t think that I would miss them, but having it confirmed was pretty awful. In some ways I would have been better off not knowing.

My oldest DS ( now 26) has ADHD and Tourette’s syndrome. He’s very bright but struggled all through high school. He’s gifted musically. He taught himself to play guitar. He can listen to a song 2 or 3 times then play it. He plays heavy metal music and some of the riffs he can play are amazing. 😊

I’m so sorry for your loss. I can think of nothing worse. ❤️