To tell best friend her DH has been discussing their sex life?

[Laurasdiary]

I’ve been with my boyfriend about a year and we had a big row yesterday around our sex life. Basically, stuff he’d like us to do (which I’m sure most would think is nothing overly wild) which I’m not overly comfortable with or don’t think I’d enjoy.

In arguing about it, he said ‘well I know X and X do it so why don’t you just try’. I said I don’t care about what they get up to and that I hope he doesn’t speak about us with others either. He said my friends DH ‘makes her out to be a right filthy bitch’.

We do socialise with them quite a bit , usually my friend and I are present, but they were on a stag together last month so would have had opportunity to talk without us there.

My dilemma is whether to tell my friend what her husband has been saying or to keep my mouth shut?

Your bar is through the floor. Can't help you.

I had a boyfriend say something like this to me once. We were 16 at the time. Surely you deserve more than this.

My point wasn’t that no woman does, but that we don’t all do it. I’ve talked in the past about sex in general but never the intimate details of any nan. Especially bragging about a serious relationship being filthy, any person man or woman who does that is a sorry excuse for a human, yuck!

OP, don’t be pressured into doing anything, I’d question that if you did your DH would tell your friends DH.

This. Double standards. 🙄

To those talking about double standards, are you really saying/have you ever heard a female describing her husband as ‘a filthy bitch’?

I think she plans to!

I wouldn’t be concerned about your friends relationship when your relationship sounds like an absolute fucking car crash

I’d bet bf has made the ‘story’ up, not only that, he’s prob made-up that the friend has ever spoken to him about ‘it’.
I expect he developed all that, thinking that was the most likely way to involve/coerce OP into allowing unwanted ‘act’.
I wonder if a search to “get partner involved in unpleasant/whatever sex”, might even reveal this tactic?

Your boyfriend is probably making it alll up.

This is exactly what I was going to comment. What a pig.

Where are the double standards? Where has OP supported women discussing their sex lives with each other?

She hasn’t said that

"But it's not fai, all my mates girlfriends let them do it.."
Is he a 15 year old boy?? How utterly pathetic.

You need to stop worrying about your best friends relationship and start questioning your own. He sounds like a complete twat.

I think you both need to start looking for new relationships personally.

You hopefully want to stay with a man who refers to your best friend as "a filthy bitch" while trying to coerce you into doing the same things she does?

I meant in relation to her fella wanting her to peg him!!

Oh… yeh were commenting on different things haha

Well if being shagged up the arse is what he wants then you don't have the right anatomy. He can ask his "filthy" mate to do it to him instead since they both like the idea so much. Ugh.

Or tell him to buy a dildo from Amazon and go fuck himself 😂😂😂

Your bar appears to be pitifully low.

Do you know why that is?

So let me get this straight.

Your partner wants to be penetrated anally (aka pegging).
He wants you to peg him.
You said no. He keeps asking (demanding??).
He told you his friend Mark enjoys being pegged aswell.
He told you your friend Sally pegs Mark (regularly??).

In what world is Sally and Mark’s sex life any of his business?
Have you considered that none of it might be true?
I would wonder whether DP and Mark have ever pegged each other, and if they havn’t why not? Sounds like the ideal solution.

First of all, you have a massive DP problem. He has zero respect for your boundaries. Zero respect for Mark and Sally. He is coercive.

Secondly, should you tell your friend? I would assume your partner is telling you a load of lies to coercive you into anal sex. So, no don’t tell her.

No, I wouldn't fancy wielding a dildo on a boyfriend. To be honest, nobody ever asked me to. I think though the real problem is that he's a smarmy manipulator who doesnt respect your boundaries while describing his friend's wife as a "right filthy bitch". How does your "partner" describe you? What does he tell other people about your sex life now? I don't think this man is a keeper.

I had (unwanted) conversations with school mums discussing their sex life when frankly I could not have cared less and I didn't know them that well 😂 And don't get me started about the baby groups!

Yes, women speak. A lot.

I talk with my friends. Maybe YOU don't, fair enough, but there's nothing ground breaking about it.

that has nothing to do with your friend and her own partner makes her out to be a right filthy bitch

that's his words, not his mate's words.

Deal with him, leave the others alone. If your BF is like that now, he will not improve. He can't. Wanting to do something is one thing, but arguing and being so rude about it? will only get worst. He doesn't respect you full stop.

I wouldn't say anything to your friend as you will only end up being the bad guy if their relationship goes the wrong way after it. When my marriage split up a friend told me that my now ex husband had been talking about our sex life or the lack of it to her husband and when I asked why she didn't tell me she said that if she had that she would have been told it was her fault for telling me what he was saying, it was a lot of crap, but he was telling people stuff so that when we split up it would look like he had a valid ( in his eyes) reason to have an affair. My sister also told me that their had beeb rumours of his affair going around our small village for a good few months beforehand and she had hoped someone else told me so she wasn't the one that had to tell me.

Woah!

The issue is less that her DH is discussing it more that your P is repeating it in order to pressure you into sex he wants

Many people discuss their sex life. I doubt any of them expect what they say amongst friends to get repeated

Frankly your P sounds like bad news as a life partner and as a friend.