To tell best friend her DH has been discussing their sex life?

[Laurasdiary]

I’ve been with my boyfriend about a year and we had a big row yesterday around our sex life. Basically, stuff he’d like us to do (which I’m sure most would think is nothing overly wild) which I’m not overly comfortable with or don’t think I’d enjoy.

In arguing about it, he said ‘well I know X and X do it so why don’t you just try’. I said I don’t care about what they get up to and that I hope he doesn’t speak about us with others either. He said my friends DH ‘makes her out to be a right filthy bitch’.

We do socialise with them quite a bit , usually my friend and I are present, but they were on a stag together last month so would have had opportunity to talk without us there.

My dilemma is whether to tell my friend what her husband has been saying or to keep my mouth shut?

To be honest OP the bigger issue is your boyfriend.

He is gross and disgusting. Him trying to coerce you into something by throwing into conversation what others do…it would make me feel like a sex toy.

As for what the husband shared…if your BF and the husband are good friends I would view it as very different to if her husband was just bragging about his sex life to a group of randoms at a stag do.

In each case I would still likely let my friend know though (albeit for different reasons.)

The act is irrelevant, the coercion is the problem.

Would it be better if it was him wanting to anally shag you?

What about coercing you into naked pics, buying a house in an area you don't want to move to, doing all the cleaning and being a SAHM with a small allowance "because Steve's wife does it"?

Where is your line?

I mean this is such a disgusting way to refer to her - so derogatory:

‘makes her out to be a right filthy bitch’.

i would imagine if women do talk about it, it’s along the lines of ‘I’m so tired and cannot think about sex after a long day’ rather than ‘hey everyone, I think you all need to know that Tom is really really dirty, he absolutely loves having a dildo up his arse.’

Your boyfriend does not respect your boundaries.
He does not respect his friends disclosure.
He does not respect your friend.

He’s not a keeper.

@FieryA there’s nothing in the tone, content or dynamics of this conversation between OP and partner that you find in any way concerning?

The attempt at coercion? The misogynistic language? No?

OP, your boyfriend sounds vile.

This.

If my husband said this about any woman, let alone my friend, he’d be out the door. If he tried to pressure me to do anything I said no to, in or outside the bedroom, he’d be out the door.

I would tell the friend, she deserves to know, but that part is the least of your concerns here.

Do we? I don’t. None of my female friends do. Are we not women?

I did when younger but never about serious partners. Now as older women none of my circle do.

Sigh….

Oh god he wants to be pegged!!
a friend’s DD is an escort and that’s what most of the men want apparently

This is not a “vanilla” sex act that “everyone else is doing”. And your BF calling your friend who does pegging, filthy and up for anything, is foul. Dump him. Yesterday, if not sooner.

I don’t either.

Who said you are not? I said 'quite commonly'. This could be as jokes or seeking advice. As for everyone, different friend groups have different relationships. I don't talk about mine to all my female friends either. But that doesn't mean to say it does not happen at all. It might just not apply to you.

You have a massive bf problem.

He's trying to coerce you into sex acts he knows you don't want to do. He's pushing your sexual boundaries and ignoring your no. I think that's such a gigantic red flag that I would dump him over that alone.

He's trying to use peer pressure for getting you to do what he wants. You don't know whether he's telling the truth about your friend's sex life or not. But he's using x does it, so why won't you. Fucking bullshit. Yes, you should tell your friend that your partner claims her partner tells all about his sex life.

He's misogynistic in calling your friend a filthy bitch because she allegedly does what he wants you to do during sex.

Given that he wants sex acts you don't want to do, you're sexually incompatible. Given that he doesn't listen to your no, he's sexually coercive and that doesn't fly in a healthy relationship.

Jesus fucking Christ do not tell your friend. How ridiculous.

I have never called any man a filthy bitch in my life.

But your “logic” makes no sense. Why is what some other women do relevant?

and me!
I’m in my 50’s and have lots of different groups of friends, some I have know since I was 4 years old.

I have never know a single woman who had discussions about their sex life with their friends. I think it’s so disrespectful to the partner. It would be an absolute deal breaker to me, especially if I heard I’d been referred to as ‘a filthy bitch’.

Utterly Vile!

Op I would definitely tell her. Awful way for her partner to talk about her.

I’d also LBT if I were you, I’m no prude, but the coercion is bang out of order.

I’ve never discussed mine and dh sex life with anyone. Surely it’s the one thing that’s private between couples.

My line for a no tends to be if I think my partner views something as "filthy". If they want to do something because it's fun then fine, but if someone suggested something because they viewed it in that way it instantly becomes a turn off for me.

I had an expensive that made a crude comment about oral sex once, and that was it. No longer enjoyable for me, because I knew how he viewed it.

LTB.

No I never have. Sex is private to me.

Your BF is trying to coerce you into sexual acts he knows you are uncomfortable with. Why on earth are you still with him? Sort your own relationship out before you meddle in someone else’s. Your BF could be lying.

If his sexual wants are leading to rows, and he's not respectfully accepting your choices, you need to get rid of him.