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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Murder

284 replies

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 06:49

Do you think you could get away with it?

OP posts:
VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 07/10/2025 12:52

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 06:49

Do you think you could get away with it?

It depends entirely on who you're trying to murder really doesn't it.

Someone you know, who you actually have motivation to kill? Really difficult.

A random person you've never met, who lives in a completely different city, and you have absolutely no links to? Trivially easy.

Onegingerhead · 07/10/2025 12:53

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 08:23

We've all seen the films where a herd of pigs scoffs down a baddie quick smart, but how long would a single porker take to eat a human? I think you're gonna need a bigger pigsty.

When I was about six, my grandad took me to his friend’s farm and I still remember him telling me very firmly not to get too close to the pigs, apparently, I’d be “gone in a few hours”. He actually knew of a real case where that happened. And honestly, have you seen the size of those beasts? I can completely believe they could chomp through a human in no time and leave nothing behind after a couple of days.
As for the murder bit, after what happened to Sarah Everard and how quickly Wayne Couzens was caught, I really don’t think anyone could get away with murder that easily these days. Not in a developed country, anyway

AgentPidge · 07/10/2025 12:56

I haven't RTFT so apologies if it's been mentioned, but Roald Dahl had the perfect murder in one of his short stories. IIRC woman gets a leg of pork out of the freezer and bashes her DH over the head with it. Puts it in the oven. Goes to the butcher and has a chat, buys a leg of pork. Goes home, puts it in the freezer. Calls the police. They turn up and she tells them she's cone home and found him. Then his dinner is ready, shame to let it go to waste, roast pork, anyone?!

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 13:00

AgentPidge · 07/10/2025 12:56

I haven't RTFT so apologies if it's been mentioned, but Roald Dahl had the perfect murder in one of his short stories. IIRC woman gets a leg of pork out of the freezer and bashes her DH over the head with it. Puts it in the oven. Goes to the butcher and has a chat, buys a leg of pork. Goes home, puts it in the freezer. Calls the police. They turn up and she tells them she's cone home and found him. Then his dinner is ready, shame to let it go to waste, roast pork, anyone?!

Lamb. I love that story 😋

Edit: waves at ChikinLikin

Laiste · 07/10/2025 13:06

sashh · 07/10/2025 09:48

Nah.

Coffee grinder.

🤣

Not sure i'd get the perfect fine dust needed 🧐

BrucesBarAndGrill · 07/10/2025 13:12

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 08:23

We've all seen the films where a herd of pigs scoffs down a baddie quick smart, but how long would a single porker take to eat a human? I think you're gonna need a bigger pigsty.

Based on an average sized man and the standard amount a fully grown pig would eat in a day it'd take just over 5 days for 1 pig to eat 1 man. So you'd probably need a few pigs and to skimp on their food for a couple of days first I guess.

BrucesBarAndGrill · 07/10/2025 13:14

BrucesBarAndGrill · 07/10/2025 13:12

Based on an average sized man and the standard amount a fully grown pig would eat in a day it'd take just over 5 days for 1 pig to eat 1 man. So you'd probably need a few pigs and to skimp on their food for a couple of days first I guess.

Ah never mind, other sources are telling me it'd be about 10 minutes so goodness knows, and I don't have the space to keep pigs and find out.

Ilovecakey · 07/10/2025 13:19

Laiste · 07/10/2025 09:47

Finely ground glass, when ingested, is supposed to be undetectable isn't it?

Put it in a sandwich ?

Although i wouldn't know how to go about grinding glass .... decent pestle and mortar, gloves, goggles and a lot of patience i guess?

Would glass kill someone?

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 13:20

BrucesBarAndGrill · 07/10/2025 13:14

Ah never mind, other sources are telling me it'd be about 10 minutes so goodness knows, and I don't have the space to keep pigs and find out.

That sounds like you have the body all ready to go, but not the space ...

meisafairy · 07/10/2025 13:31

Three threads on murder or maybe murder? Is this an in joke?

IHateEmptyPockets · 07/10/2025 13:33

No chance. I drop hair around the place like there's no tomorrow. There's no way I wouldn't leave multiple bits of DNA behind one way or another. Also, I'm clumsy, so I'd break stuff and probably cause so much noise I'd get arrested on the spot. If that didn't happen, my guilty conscience would dob me in.

TirsamisuPlease · 07/10/2025 13:45

Probably not, even if I planned everything carefully I would definitely slip up somewhere and with all the CCTV and Ring cameras everywhere…no chance. BUT if I did succeed I would probably drive myself mad thinking that every knock on the door, every phone call is someone coming to arrest me.

CloudSky · 07/10/2025 13:46

My DP always reckons he could 🤣

LondonPapa · 07/10/2025 13:46

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 06:49

Do you think you could get away with it?

Yes. It’s easier to get away with than realised. Harder with constant surveillance but most CCTV doesn’t work and if you use cash, you can make out like a bandit.

AgentPidge · 07/10/2025 14:03

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 13:00

Lamb. I love that story 😋

Edit: waves at ChikinLikin

Edited

Yes, you're right. It was a long time ago when I read it. His short stories are brilliant, as are his stories for adults.

BumpyWinds · 07/10/2025 14:05

To bring it round to a real life story though, the Claudia Lawrence story, assuming she was killed, is an example of someone having got away with it, because she's never sadly been found.

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 14:06

Must have been quite easy in the past before forensics, bloody science. I would not do, I feel guilty just for existing half the time. Just something I think about when trying to get to sleep lol

OP posts:
UninitendedShark · 07/10/2025 14:07

Not with the amount of hair I seem to leave in my wake.

NigelFaragesFakeRoarofLaughter · 07/10/2025 14:09

booksnbaking · 07/10/2025 10:56

Hassocks, presumably, unless you had a very international church community...

Or just make someone die laughing... GrinGrinGrin

NigelFaragesFakeRoarofLaughter · 07/10/2025 14:10

Oh, just remembered my current username.

I feel my namesake is safe from that method.Smile

UnctuousUnicorns · 07/10/2025 14:10

Frankblackwife · 07/10/2025 06:59

Tbf my own pyjama bottoms have tried to kill me on the stairs a few times

My cousin broke her back tripping on her pj bottoms going downstairs, I suppose that counts as attempted murder.

UnctuousUnicorns · 07/10/2025 14:13

"hand-sewn cossacks" - I'm imagining little Russian puppets all dancing in a row, now. 😅

ChrisMartinsKisskam · 07/10/2025 14:36

Yes
not in the uk to many cameras and nosey bastards

but abroad it would be much easier

years ago I was on holiday in Mexico and a man fell of a cliff and died

no one saw it happen as they had decided to go back to the horse ranch earlier than the rest so we’re on their own walking back

however we had been chatting to him and his wife at the hotel and she let it slip that he had just won a huge payout for a industrial injury and this was a big holiday for them
he was not walking that well and
used a cane so not very stable

the cliff was like a slope that went straight down like a slide and then a sheer drop to the bottom anyone ever saw Rambo where he shoot’s the guy out off thr helicopter- it was like that . They had to take his body out on horse as they couldn’t get transport to it it was that remote

i often wonder if she “pushed “ him to take the money but didn’t really think about it till I got back home
I didn’t see her afterwards as the rope moved her hotel

but if I wanted to kill someone then it would be on holiday away from the uk where the laws are shit and either push them off a cliff or off a boat and get them drunk go for a midnight swim and drown them or maybe take them diving and turn of the air or give them a faulty air bottle
😂
I’ve put some thought into it as you can tell

MenopauseSucks · 07/10/2025 14:41

I remember reading an interview with the crime author Sue Grafton.
She was going through a bitter & lengthy divorce & as a relief, would imagine how she could murder her ex-husband. She wrote down her ideas & used them in her ‘Alphabet’ series of books.
Despite technology advancing as she was writing, she continued to set her books in the 1980s as murder, private detective & police work were a completely different thing then & far easier to get away with…
Her books are bloody good reads if any crime fiction lovers haven’t come across them & shed some light on how much easier it was to hide the truth 40 years ago…

As for personally killing someone? I don’t think I could kill let alone plot it but yes, deaths by driving seem to be an easy method.

Baileysandcream · 07/10/2025 14:45

everyoldsock · 07/10/2025 09:53

There is a digital record of every move you make

Bit of an exaggeration there @Gallowayan e.g what I said earlier about going to an internet cafe.

Isn't there a high risk of CCTV/doorbell/dashcam footage of you walking down the street and entering the internet cafe ...?