AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

Your father told her to put socks on - did she have nothing on her feet? If so, she should have put shoes and socks on before demanding heating.

If OTOH she felt cold while sensibly dressed, that’s a different matter.

OP says she has heated booties and blankets that she offered her Mother.

Any thoughtful poster would read all the OP’s posts before sharing their opinions.

@borntobequiet read OP’s posts she did. Most thoughtful mums would have put socks and slippers on before asking for heating to be put on

@FartyPants9 OP you are at fault here so stop blaming your mother. Your Dad is clearly mean and slightly selfish/conttolling, I expect if you really think about it this is a continuing pattern in their relationship. He didn’t actually care that she was cold (and nor did you by the sounds of it)

As host and as it’s your own mum you should have been able to solve the problem and keep everyone comfortable. A solicitous “let me get some socks and slippers for you and we’ll have another see in an hour” might have been enough.

I'd normally say you prioritise guests comfort, especially older guests, but if she had cold feet because she had bare feet, I'd expect her to put on warm socks and slippers first. The weather hasn't been unseasonably cold for this time of year.

Surprised at these replies. Your house, your rules. Also, two against one. Your mother should have put socks or slippers on. Does she have form for putting her comfort above everyone else's?

You fled to the kitchen?!

I think this thread is either full of bots or old ladies who have their heating on 24x7 - some of the responses here are batshit!

My rule is put clothes on first then heating if you're still cold. She should have put socks on. And you are being precious "fleeing out the kitchen".

JFC.
of course YANBU, OP, on every point. I’m sorry your mother is such a nightmare (her behaviour is not remotely reasonable, it’s completely unacceptable). And I’m sorry so many posters/voters on this thread have such poor comprehension skills. I’ve not RTFT but I’ve read all your posts which is the minimum everyone should do before voting or posting.

Being too hot is horrible. It’s so much easier to put more clothes on than to cool down in an overheated house. You said your mother was barefoot - of course she should have put on socks at least, but you’ve said you bought her heated booties.

Your house, your rules…yes, of course we try to make guests comfortable but it has to be within our own boundaries.

Then the shouting over something so small (small for her to put some bloody socks on, not small for a menopausal woman to have her house overheated and it wasn’t you doing the shouting!). She’s abusive, with the potential for violence. No, everyone does not hit their kids, and certainly not beat them with a riding crop. You were very sensible to leave the room, basic self preservation.

Honestly I’d never have her to stay again after that.

Have you read all the OPs posts?

For heavens sake.

I think your mother did it on purpose to stir up trouble. Who on earth stands around in bare feet and says they’re cold without at least putting on socks, slippers and a jumper?
A bully who hasn’t had anything to do for five minutes.

Yeah this. ^ And as I said, yesterday was WARM. If it had been 3 degrees C, I would have been more 'team mother.' Then again, she should still be putting something on her feet before whacking the heating up! Why did she have bare feet if she gets cold so easily? (And especially on a day when it's nearly 20 degrees C!)

I fail to see how OP was at fault.

Apart from the fact her mother had options to put socks and/or slippers on and was incredibly rude putting on the heating in someone else's house, have you actually read all OP's posts?

You may have nailed it.

This all sounds very unhealthy.

People have different body thermostats. My heating is on most of the year round

@FartyPants9 I agree with others who’ve said this isn’t really a question of the heating. Having read the extra information in your subsequent posts, this sounds like it’s about ongoing unpleasant behaviour which manifests in various ways. It does sound like this isn’t your fault and you will need decide what you’re willing to tolerate.

I like the way the mum's getting worse and worse with each post. She started off with cold feet and ended up a raging monster.

I would have offered thick socks to her - perhaps she had none with her

I feel the cold but don’t put the heating on, because I cannot afford it. Endless layers and hot water bottles instead. I’m surprised your Mum turned on the heating without checking with everyone else that they were happy with it, that just seems like it would be standard courtesy. The full-on shouting sounds deeply unpleasant, and your strong reaction to it suggests it’s something that pushes a lot of buttons from your childhood.

Didn’t you read the OPs posts?
Yes, she was barefoot. I even have heated booties that I bought specially for her.

@mamagogo1 OP offered heated booties (goes off to google them)