AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

Very surprised by these responses. Yes, I would be very very annoyed if someone (guest or not) put the heating on before putting on socks and slippers that are available. Heating is bloody expensive these days. Of course if it’s the dead of winter, she’s all wrapped up, and still freezing then yes, you’d be very unreasonable to not put the heating on. But as she didn’t even bother to put socks on before putting the heating on (plus it really isn’t that cold yet!) I’d be very annoyed.

And yet here you are bothering to respond...

She did do that, but her mum didn’t want them and had a screaming fit instead.

What a family.

@CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson

And yet here you are bothering to respond...

Yes, it's a discussion thread. That's how things work. Someone posts a question, other people respond.

I think your mum should have at least tried some slippers before putting the heating on in your house when no one else wanted it on. Weird she didn’t even think to cover her cold bare feet first.

I don’t understand why your parents ended up shouting at the top of their lungs to each other over this though- seems quite an overreaction of theirs

Sounds like there are more deep rooted issues going on here than whether your mum put the heating on.

You and your father didn’t say you actively didn’t want the heating on, according to you you said you were fine and didn't need the heating turned on. There’s a difference.

I agree, though, that she should try putting something on her feet before turning on heating

In any case, you’re all making far too much drama about it. There’s obviously a lot more going on in your relationships.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

Not much drama, eh?

Fled to the kitchen!

You sound sensitive to far too much!

Honestly, your guests come first.

A bit odd to flee to the kitchen, in your own house, due to a few raised voices.

Personally, I wouldn't begrudge my 70yo mum some central heating if she asked. I also have a little portable heater I bring out if just one room needs a bit of a boost. Much more economical than heating the whole house.

Well done.
You’ve just won the award for the silliest post of the day.
Why does the month determine when the heating goes on? It was so mild here yesterday I was walking round the house in bare feet and windows wide open.

I assumed you were about 20 but having read your other posts you're in your 40s or 50s!

FGS!

Maybe when you have all calmed down you can talk calmly and say your parents take their arguments somewhere else and not play out their marriage woes in your house.

They need more self control and you need to grow a thicker skin.

Yes.

Presumably affording to pay the bills isn’t an issue for you then. But do you still have the heating on BEFORE putting on extra layers? Especially something as simple as socks?!
Most people don’t have that luxury.

I mean, yes, I’ve always needed to pack summer gear and have the window open at night when staying at my grandparents house in winter as it’ll be roasting in their house. But even they will put on jumpers, socks and slippers before putting the heating on full blast!

If they’re barefoot and it’s their feet that are cold, they should put socks on rather than the heating.

What? We are only in the beginning of October and it was really warm and sunny yesterday!

It's gross enough to be barefoot in someone else's house, but to use that to demand they put the heating on without even putting socks on is absurdly unreasonable. How can anyone take the mother's side?

@Ilovecakey wasn't warm and sunny here yesterday

I'd have told her that this is what socks and slippers are for. Then I would have turned it off and opened a window. It was very rude and presumptuous of your mother to just turn it on like that.

I wouldn't have run off to the kitchen. I'd have stayed because your father was backing you up.

Your mother was being unreasonable to put the heating on when she was barefoot and could have put socks on first.

She sounds like a horrible person and maybe you shouldn't have her come to visit.

Is this really about cold feet or family dynamics when they're visiting with you?

Tbh it's relatively mild here atm so our heating is not on yet. DH complained he was cold this morning, told him to put a jumper on. He did. Matter resolved.

Did your DM not bring any slippers/socks? Does she overstep in your house? Do they argue a lot?

I must admit, at the time I posted, I hadn’t. I didn’t realise it had moved on. This is a crime I hate in others then I did it myself. Apologies. (In my defence I was distracted at the time). As like most threads, the real problem isn’t the problem in the op. It’s something bigger.

Bit dramatic there @FartyPants9 The dad is mean and selfish and controlling? Bit of an assumption!

.

No.

OP, you’ve given a much clearer picture now of your family dynamics (and you’ll continue to get replies in this thread tgat completely ignore those dynamics) I suggest you post in Relationships for some support - it sounds like you could do with some.