AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

When two out of three people were fine and the only one who wasn't could have put some socks on?

Not unreasonable not to want the heating on but unreasonable not to offer her something to make her feel more comfortable. Warm socks, blanket, slippers etc.

I've read all your posts OP but I have to ask - why are you expecting different behaviour from her? This is who she is. She is not going to change.

She stresses you out so limit your contact with her and not in your home.

I can relate to that, if I’m in a restaurant and a couple on a table near me are either arguing or have obviously fallen out and you can cut the atmosphere with a knife I find it quite difficult. Immediately catapults me back to being a child with parents who hated each other. I’m not dramatic as a rule (well that’s an understatement) but my body just goes wild with adrenaline.

Go and get some therapy OP.

Who knows whether your mother’s right, your father’s right or they’re both wrong. Your mother sounds thoroughly fed up with people who are incredibly inflexible. You clearly don’t like her so why invite her over.

Just saying you were warm enough and doing nothing to make her more comfortable was rude.

You fled to the kitchen?
WTF are you doing? Stop inviting them round. Problem solved.

You are being unreasonable and a poor host. If your mum is cold and needs the heating on you should put it on. Older people feel the cold more. You and your dad’s attitude towards your mum sounds unpleasant.

IME men don't feel the cold as much as women, or younger ones.
DH is always warm, I'm always freezing, your DM deserves to feel warm without the dramatic response.

I'd normally go with my guests preferences on heating, but turning an entire heating system on just to warm up.bear feet, instead of putting socks on, or heated boots, or blanket etc is insanity. Particularly if you've asked if everyone wants it on and they've said no. Yes it's October but it was 18degC where I was yesterday

I get illogically anxious if I sense 2 people being in conflict, for the same reason. Right back to sitting in my bedroom with my siblings, straining to hear whether the shouting has stopped.

Only read the OP's posts (after the first page or two) and it seems they just keep escalating in an attempt to make everyone say "Nooo, you're not unreasonable at all!".
Not so much drip-feeding as water boarding.

So why, if she was such an awful mother, do you even see her?
How did you not notice that she had turned the heating on until you were sweating? Did she magically sneak out under a cloak of invisibility to switch on the thermostat???
Far too much drama!

My goodness, your mother is certainly some fish wife.

Does she have to come and actually stay with you? I couldn't cope with shouting and abuse like that, never mind the heating matter which pales in comparison.

Here’s an idea - If you or your father complain when your mother doesnt bring g home the exact items from the supermarket, go and do the shopping yourself! I’m not surprised she threw the damned yoghurt against the wall…

It’s anyway. No s

OP, you need therapy.
You do not like your mother, yet you are in contact with her and the contact does not seem to enhance your life.
This thread is so obviously not about cold feet and the heating being turned on in Autumn by a guest (that would not have been one of you chose to use your adult agency wisely).

We haven’t had our heating on yet. It’s really warm here.

It does sound like you and your dad aren't very nice to your mum. Perhaps you have good reason if she's as awful as you say but why aren't you angry at your dad who allowed your mum's abuse? I'm surprised he argues with her if she's violent.
Anyway you don't like your mum so don't see her. Why is she staying with you if she was abusive to you? You're an adult now, just tell her no (and do your own shopping).

So why is she still in your house?

In this case I'd say your mum was outvoted and was a bit cheeky to put the heating on - make sure she knows where the hot water bottle is and also offer her warm socks.

Ain’t that the truth.

@FartyPants9 I would start a new thread about your awful, toxic mother because you are going to get loads of idiots coming on her not reading past your first post and posting useless rubbish.

OP is describing a generally toxic relationship.
Heating selfishness is the very least of it.
A lot of people would not have relatives in their life with a history like that.

Or at least, never in their house.

She is your mum .she is staying with you .Put on the heating .Relax.