AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

She sounds like an abusive twat. It’s common sense to put socks and a cardi on.

I wouldn’t invite her again or bake for her.

What’s your dad like?

Becuase it’s far easier to add layers of clothing if you’re cold than to remove them if you’re boiling.

I’m also autistic and inability to regulate your body temperate well is known co-morbidity of autism. I can’t handle central heating at all, it makes me sweaty and uncomfortable very fast, and gives me a raging headache.

Don’t be ridiculous. She’s a grown adult woman she can put them on her own feet.

I run cold. I wear layers, including sometimes 2 pairs of socks, have heated throw. I would not dream to ask if someone would put heating on because my feet were cold if I had bare feet.

YANBU for not wanting the heating on just for cold feet esp when everyone else was fine and socks are a very simple solution.

Don’t be a dick. Taking the piss out of disabled people is shitty behaviour.

With your later posts, your mum sounds unhinged. How much longer are they staying?

Have you thought about counselling to deal with their treatment of you when you were younger?

I'm autistic to op
It must be difficult for you having them live with you ,I find it hard enough just having a visitor for a couple of hours ,it feels like an invasion and I get stressed .
Is there a date at which they are leaving..can you bring it forward?
Which of your parents has autism? could that be why they shout ,they don't communicate very well together.
It's not something you do ,go around putting other people's heating on .she should of put socks and the heated boots on ...

Really out of order to go and turn the heating on in someone else’s house because you don’t want to wear socks. That’s not the issue though is it? Your mum is abusive and this seems like just another way of her exerting control over you. Can you see your dad without your mum?

You obviously hate your mother, so stop having her to stay. You don’t have to have her there.

It does all sound very dramatic for an argument about the heating being on.

I feel the cold easily. My heating is on if the house drops under about 23 degrees. I’ve just got up, I’m in pyjamas and thermal socks, the thermostat reads 21 degrees and I’m freezing, so as I’m going to work in an hour, I’ve chucked on the little fan heater to warm things up.

My husband doesn’t complain or scream at me for having the heating on.

I’d be more annoyed at my father for starting an argument.

As others have said, it sounds like this is about more than just your mums cold feet and the heating being on.
Your mum sounds abusive and toxic.
Don't have her around to visit again.

Just have very little to do with her.When you’ve been used to that dynamic from childhood it’s difficult to break away from it though. Can you just not invite them round and go visit them instead ?

It would annoy me if she was bear foot and made you uncomfortable by putting the heating on so her toes could warm up. My in-laws have their home uncomfortably hot in winter while they all swan round in shorts and tshirts. Me and my dh like a cool house and will wear warmer clothes and snuggle under blankets, everyones different I guess.
Buy her some cosy socks for Christmas.

Your mother sounds abusive. Also, she did the passive aggressive thing of asking "Does anyone want the heating on?" instead of just saying she did. An autistic person is going to take that literally.

As for the original question, YANBU to suggest putting on socks and slippers before putting on the heating. It's very U of her to just turn the heating on by herself. I don't touch the thermostat in other people's homes.

To be honest I'm not sure I'd be having them over so frequently if your mum swears at people like this.

You're a grown assed woman, why did you even have her at your home when you both fear and resent her like this? You get the sense that you've crowbarred some satisfaction out of making your mother uncomfortable and feeling righteous about her wrong headedness. But it was all so entirely predictable.

She should have put socks and slippers on. It’s ridiculous to sit with bare feet saying your feet are cold, and that therefore the whole room needs to be heated. Especially as others said they didn’t want it on.

However both of your parents are very remiss for starting a heated (see what I did there?) argument about it. Do they have form for this? Your reaction to it suggests a certain amount of trauma around them arguing.

Read my replies to the post, the issue is mum flies off the handle at the merest hint of criticism, when my father broached her habit of her substituting items with items that werent asked for when requested items are sold out instead of returning home with nothing all he got out was "instead of getting things we didn't want could you" before she screamed "there were only 5 raspberry yoghurts" while throwing one of the yoghurts against the wall. This happened in front of me, I had given her money to buy 7 raspberry yoghurts from brand X while she was shopping for my autistic 15yo nephew who I was baby sitting, she bought 5 raspberry yoghurts from brand X and 2 raspberry yoghurts from brand Y which nephew will not eat because they're fat free, his reasoning is "yoghurts are not meant to be fat free, they replace the fat with sugar, fat free is just as high in calories, the sugar hurts my teeth, regular ones keep me full for longer". My father had spoken to her calmly.

I agree. And it's selfish to make other people uncomfortable by putting the heating on when they don't want it.

Pretty sure my father's autistic, my mother might have ADHD.

He used to be really chill but the way she treats him as made him grumpier and grumpier as the years go by.

🙄

It was 21 degrees here yesterday. The heating does not need to be on juat because it's October.

You fled to the kitchen? Your dad shouted at your mum for putting the heating on? Your mum wanted the heating on coz her feet were cold?
FGS. What a bunch of drama queens.