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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

397 replies

FartyPants9 · 06/10/2025 23:44

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

OP posts:
Original poster
FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 04:45

WannaFOffOnHoliday · 07/10/2025 04:21

What?
It was 21' where i am today

Just because its October doesnt mean you need the heating on 🤣
It depends on the actual temperature of the home

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And weather patterns have also changed in recent decades, just because it's traditionally been a colder month doesn't mean its cold every day, it was 17⁰C during the day one day in January about 2 or 3 weeks ago.

OP posts:
Mom221 · 07/10/2025 04:48

Don’t you all wear warm slippers in the colder months?
If not, then it’s obvious why was she cold.

LillyPJ · 07/10/2025 04:51

Greenmouldycheese · 06/10/2025 23:47

She was cold. It's October so the heating should be on anyways.

It doesn't matter what month it is! There's no monthly when the heating should be on - go by temperature, not date. If one person's feet are cold but two other people are fine, the cold footed person should be considerate and put socks on.

Original poster
FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 04:53

femfemlicious · 07/10/2025 04:39

What exactly was she shouting?

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The first thing she shouted was "don't you dare speak to me with that tone of voice you worthless old bastard", he shouted back "don't shout at and abuse people for criticising you, you always do this", her -"shut the fuck up", him -"don't you swear at me!", more swearing from her.

OP posts:
LillyPJ · 07/10/2025 04:54

The mother is being rude and selfish to be barefooted and then turn someone else's heating on when other people don't want it on.

Bread121bread · 07/10/2025 04:57

Next time don't invite her in. Only invite your father. Who I presume you like.

I'm sorry for the abuse you went through as a child.

Alloveragain44 · 07/10/2025 05:03

I think the conversation in your house must be dull if you're doing an AIBU about heating.

SammyScrounge · 07/10/2025 05:03

FartyPants9 · 06/10/2025 23:53

My father is also a guest and he didn't want the heating on, why should one guest take priority over the other?

Show quote history

Because she is the one suffering from the cold room.

Original poster
FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 05:08

Confusdworriedmum · 07/10/2025 03:52

If you don't want your mum to visit and don't care if she's comfortable or not then tell her no to visit. Really simple.
And yes I did read your post but you're still being dramatic. Seems like you wanted to cause a fight between your parents. Your dad obviously didn't notice the heating was on until you made an issue out of it ( instead of just checking and turning it off) suggesting he was cold too

I wanted to cause a fight between my parents? All I did was say that I was hot, I didn't make an issue of it, as I already stated in the replies I didn't even realise the heating was on until she said she turned it on, I thought it was menopause related but you seem determined to twist my words and be a bully because you can't fathom someone not having their head firmly wedged up their mother's rear end.

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 07/10/2025 05:19

Greenmouldycheese · 06/10/2025 23:47

She was cold. It's October so the heating should be on anyways.

Ours doesn’t go on until November. It was 17° here yesterday. Your mum was being unreasonable for putting the heating on when it’s not her house.

BMW6 · 07/10/2025 05:33

OP they're not going to change - this is who they are.

Obviously your Mum was wrong and is a nasty piece of work. I'd cut contact with her right down and never invite her into your home again. She likes to have things her way and probably relishes the conflicts she causes.

She really doesn't care about upsetting you, so all you can do is alter your behaviours around her by keeping her at a distance.

TwinklyNight · 07/10/2025 05:35

Aside from who was hot or cold, there was no reason for your parents to shout and swear, they sound unstable. Were they drunk?

Anyways, that horse crop child beating hair dragging poor excuse for a mother would not be in my house, ever.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 05:52

Libellousness · 06/10/2025 23:45

You can just be annoyed at people when they do things you find annoying. Not everything needs an AIBU post.

And you don't have to post on threads that you find trivial and annoying. If every poster took your advice, Mumsnet would have to close down.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 05:56

Greenmouldycheese · 07/10/2025 00:06

Why would you need to sit there with a blanket when you can just be comfortable with the heating on? Some people don't like to wear layers.

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Socks aren't layers! She should have put some socks and/or slippers on and, if she was still cold, asked OP to put the heating on.

andthat · 07/10/2025 05:57

FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 01:46

I have told her, she called me an ungrateful brat, I have told her in the past that if she flips out at other family members or calls me or other family members bastards/b*ches/c*ts in my home or makes nasty comments about other family members children then she's not welcome but she doesn't care.

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Oh @FartyPants9 This isn’t about the heating, is it?

This is a much bigger issue of the way you are being treated by your mum.

Youve told your mum she’s not welcome if she speaks the way she does. That is good boundaries… but you need to actually enforce them. If she speaks like that to you you do not have to open your door to her.

Do you think you can assert yourself?

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 06:02

Rachie1973 · 07/10/2025 00:53

Do you always put your dad first?

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TBF he sounds that he is nicer to OP than her mum is.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 06:05

xxlostxx · 07/10/2025 02:05

Oh to have this level of problem in life!

OP has an abusive mum, which is quite a significant problem.

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/10/2025 06:06

The things people choose to post about on here sometimes are so breathtakingly trivial I wonder what people actually have to talk about in their lives.

ainsleysanob · 07/10/2025 06:07

Firstly, OP, stop having your mother in your house if she’s such a bitch. You don’t need to have anyone there who you don’t want to, particularly if they’ve treated you horrendously.

Secondly, I can’t believe the amount of people who have the heating on ‘because it’s October’. Yes, it’s October and it’s also warm.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 06:07

user1492757084 · 07/10/2025 02:11

Upping the heating for a few days for a guest is what I see as the most reasonable.
You could also have offered your mother a shawl and some cosy ugg boots.

Your father shouting at your mother was not at all reasonable. He is not a gentleman. I would ask him to leave and take the dog for a walk with you. Then I would state clearly that he is not to shout at anyone in your home again or he will not be welcome.
It might be that, in future, just your mother comes to visit and you both wear cosy clothes in a toastie room.
It is sad that you could not deal with this easily.

OP offered her some heated booties that were beside her chair. She didn't put them on.

Her mum called her dad a 'worthless old bastard' and regularly calls people bastards, cunts and bitches. She isn't a defenceless old lady being mistreated by her husband. She is pretty abusive to OP as well.

thepariscrimefiles · 07/10/2025 06:11

FartyPants9 · 07/10/2025 03:25

Maybe try reading the rest of my replies to other people instead of asking questions that have already been answered.

And to answer your question, no I don't particularly care that her feet were cold, she beat me with a horse riding crop when I was 13 and dragged me by my hair because she left 20 Irish pounds in her locker at work because she thought I'd taken it and when I mentioned to her that it's the reason I'm sometimes react badly to her doing things I've expressly asked her not to (like unsolicited medical advise that she knows is contrary to what my doctor advised) she snapped at me "that was years ago! Everybody hit their children!"

So me for not worshipping the ground that she walks on.

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It's pretty obvious that your mum was an abusive nightmare when you were young and she hasn't changed. Can you invite your dad to visit without her? I would cut contact with her, with no qualms at all. It's obvious that the heating incident is just the tip of the iceberg with her abusive and unhinged behaviour.

Diorling · 07/10/2025 06:13

I’ve noticed as I’m getting older my feet can get very cold, especially when staying at my friends house as she has. laminate floor throughout, and it feels very chilly sometimes. (Guess it’s my circulation getting worse).

I’ve learnt the hard way to take socks (bamboo or wool ones for preference - cotton doesn’t do the job) when staying with her.

Those little stretchy over sock soft things are good too, to go on over your socks - you can get them from shoe shops - in a stretchy fleece material and which go over your socks and have a grippy stuff on the bottom. They fit easily into a suitcase.

Why not just pop out and buy mum some nice socks - they don’t cost much and having cold feet isn’t fun?

whimsicallyprickly · 07/10/2025 06:16

Thepeopleversuswork · 07/10/2025 06:06

The things people choose to post about on here sometimes are so breathtakingly trivial I wonder what people actually have to talk about in their lives.

It blows my mind too

Fairly obviously the OP knows EXACTLY what her parents are like. And yet, somehow, posting on MN will provide answers to a decades old issue 🙄

OP - your Mother was unreasonable to put the heating on in your home without permission and without putting socks on first....to warm her feet without expense

I'm assuming she's always been like this, so ....no surprise

OP - your parents yell at each other. I assume they've always been like this. So....no surprise

If you don't like your parents characters, don't have them to stay or put up with them whilst they're with you (they're not going to change)

sittingonabeach · 07/10/2025 06:17

Your DM sounds awful. Why do you have her visit?

whimsicallyprickly · 07/10/2025 06:20

she beat me with a horse riding crop when I was 13 and dragged me by my hair

Well there we are. Your Mother isn't a nice person. Has never been a nice person. And yet you ask MN if she's wrong to put the heating on 🤣🤣🤣

Fuck me! She is who she's always been. No surprise that shes selfish....nothing you can do, no advice MN can give

Don't have her to stay or put up with her

She won't change