AIBU for being upset my mother turned on the heating because her feet were cold?

[FartyPants9]

My parents are staying with me. We were in the sitting room of my house. My mother said her feet were cold and asked if anyone wanted the heating turned on, me and my father said we were fine and didn't need the heating turned on.

A short while later I started sweating really badly and felt hot and uncomfortable, I said I was hot and my mother replied "oh yeah, I turned the heating on", my father got annoyed and told her if her feet were cold she should have put a pair of socks and this started a loud argument between them.

I'm sensitive to loud noises so fled to the kitchen.

AIBU in being annoyed that she ignored that me and my father didn't want the heating on and put her own comfort first?

Theres only one acceptable reason to refuse heating to others and thats the menopause. Otherwise its just mean. And if its menopause, for everyone's sake, get HRT 😀

I'm amazed at the pp who are defending OP's mothers behaviour.

Of course if you are sitting with barefoot and your feet are cold there are numerous options to take before putting the heating on. Socks, slippers, a blanket over the knees, would all be much more effective than putting the heating on anyway.

Apart from the fact she knew OP and her H didn't want the heating on it was really cheeky when she was a guest to go turning the heating on in someone else's home.

I would be furious at this. Turning the heating on is a big deal in my home and I certainly wouldn't even think of doing it until November at the earliest.

Given OP's further info her mother sounds an extremely unpleasant and argumentative woman. And extremely selfish. I'm.not surprised OP is upset.

Fled to the kitchen 😂.

Unilaterally changing the temperature in someone else's house is pretty rude, though not as rude as having a shouty row in someone else's house. I'd have told them both to leave and not come back until they have grown up a bit.

I think your whole family needs to think about how you talk to each other and how you treat each other. Reading your later posts, it all seems very unhealthy.

Your mother sounds like an abusive cunt

They were shouting at each other, he was not just shouting at her, he was not the one who started shouting, he just said in an annoyed tone of voice that wasn't even raised that she should have put a pair of socks on and she started roaring at him.

Why are you OK with her shouting at him but not him shouting at her? Why should he have to quietly take her bad temper? He only shouts at her when she shouts at him first and he doesn't swear at her or call her names like she does to him and she shouts at him over minor things like not acknowledging her when she says something to him when she knows he's lost a significant amount of his hearing. And unlike her he's never been physically abusive with her.

It's pretty telling that you read about a couple arguing with each other and think only the man is in the wrong.

It's the menopause and I'm already on HRT lol.

Maybe try reading the rest of my replies to other people instead of asking questions that have already been answered.

And to answer your question, no I don't particularly care that her feet were cold, she beat me with a horse riding crop when I was 13 and dragged me by my hair because she left 20 Irish pounds in her locker at work because she thought I'd taken it and when I mentioned to her that it's the reason I'm sometimes react badly to her doing things I've expressly asked her not to (like unsolicited medical advise that she knows is contrary to what my doctor advised) she snapped at me "that was years ago! Everybody hit their children!"

So me for not worshipping the ground that she walks on.

When you’re raised in a household with a lot of arguing, shouting can be very triggering. I have made sure my house was never a shouting / raised voice household, and that included when I had teens. There is never a need to start arguing loudly in front of others. I’d have done the same, and no shame when you’ve got trauma from that occurring. You never get over being a vulnerable child in your bed listening to shouting and screaming, so yes, it is triggering when it happens.

Hope you’re ok OP. Your mum should have put some socks on before turning on the heating. Not sure where you live but it was 19 degrees here yesterday. I’ve not had my heating on yet. Always wear jumpers / hoodies first, blanket, then heating. But not needed yet.

Drip, drip, drip....this is hardly about heating really is it?

From what you describe your mum was/is abusive. Cut her off.

You might find your mum doesn't bother to visit you if you're going to react in such an extreme way about putting the heating on. Why is you being hot worse than her being cold?
I really have to force myself to visit my dad in the winter as in the last couple of years he's become really tight with putting the heating on, even in. the middle of winter. It's not a money issue he just seems to not want to put the heating on. I would never put it on myself but my visits tend to be much shorter in the winter months.

You're acting like you think I'd care if she didn't visit.

Maybe try reading my post again, I didn't leave the room because she put the heating on it clearly states I left because they got into a shouting match but I guess you already knew that.

If you don't want your mum to visit and don't care if she's comfortable or not then tell her no to visit. Really simple.
And yes I did read your post but you're still being dramatic. Seems like you wanted to cause a fight between your parents. Your dad obviously didn't notice the heating was on until you made an issue out of it ( instead of just checking and turning it off) suggesting he was cold too

Seriously, why do you have these people in your home? You know you don't have to, right?

This isnt about heating, its about the feelings that come out in these situations. Im sorry to hear what you went through, the heating is silly but your pain and trauma is valid and real. Take care of yourself x

Its not drip drip, its trauma. Try to empathise people

What?
It was 21' where i am today

Just because its October doesnt mean you need the heating on 🤣
It depends on the actual temperature of the home

Every time your mother shouts and gets angry it triggers you because she was so violent to you as a child.

You have said she doesn’t care about listening to you, can you stop her coming over? It sounds like your home is a safe, quiet space and you need it to stay that way.

If she screams at other peoples houses you can leave: at home you are trapped.

The heating/bootees here is a red herring, because you are saying you can’t tolerate the arguing and shouting.

Are you on a tight budget OP? Because this is the only reason I could see that you would be annoyed. Otherwise just open a window. It's good to keep the house warm. It's no longer summer.

I didn't realise she had turned it on, I just said I was hot, I thought it was menopause related.

It was 21 here today.
Most certainly not cold

What exactly was she shouting?

My parents used to argue in front of me as a child and as an adult. One day in my house they started. I used my stern mum voice, told them to knock it off, and if they couldn't get along, to get their things and I'd happily drop them at the station.

Cue stunned silence. I made them tea, could hear them whispering about how rude I was:) but they decided to humour me and behaved nicely all visit.

Tell your dad to knock it off. It's not his heating, not his bills.

Your dm was cold, cold enough that she had to ask you to put the heating on. Did you offer her anything to be warm? Maybe provide artisan slippers?
.
Heating on, tell df to put a t shirt on.