To be concerned about my neighbours?

[Lynn981]

My neighbours are a young couple with a toddler. I normally seem them but I haven’t for 3 days now. All their lights and curtains hahe been drawn but their cars are still on the drive and haven’t moved. Or am I over thinking? It just seems a bit unusual. We are rural and you can’t really get to anywhere without a car, not even local shop. Also they’re not abroad or anything, as I actually spoke to the lady neighbour the other day and she said someone from the council was meant to be coming round

Why do people make excuses for checking on someone's welfare, no need to make up stories about collecting parcels, just say you were concerned.

I would just knock and ask.

Because people worry it makes you look nosy if you know their daily movements. There’s clearly a fine line between ‘concerned neighbour who just happened to realise’ and ‘I’ve keeping tabs on your every movement’

This. For goodness sake, just knock - is everything ok?

To be honest, I’d wonder what was going on if my neighbours had their curtains closed, lights off for 3 days, no sight of sound of the dog, for 3 days…I usually see them
out with their dog or see their car in/out of the drive as I go about my day.

Hopefully you may see them today.

I think it's ok if it's been a few days and the curtains are drawn and no lights have been on. It's not an invasion of privacy at that point.
I'm inclined to think they're on holiday, though I could be wrong.

Maybe they went on a trip with friends or family members who picked them up? Or they got a taxi to the station / airport?

If they were there and so was the dog, they'd have to at least take it out now and then, presumably? Knock and see if it barks.

Could be something more dramatic of course - like one of them was taken seriously ill (not necessarily while at home) and they all went off in an ambulance and they haven't left the hospital since...

For those of you saying the dog would bark its not necessarily true I went out to a far neighbour (flagged by a friend) knocked on his door no dog barked no noises i called the police they wanted me to try to gain entry myself to check the situation I refused because the kids were with me they got a bit snippy but I said ive two young kids there is no noises from behind that door and im not going in they accepted that and gained entry when they could a few hours later (he was alive but had fallen the dog was fine too just in a mess)

So lack of dog noises doesn't mean the worst they can shut down if they are scared

For the people who think it’s nosey, you do pick up your neighbours routine just be accident. I know my next door neighbour works until 8pm sometimes and next door but one leave at half 7 for school run for example. If my next door neighbour wasn’t around for a few days, I wouldn’t be worried as they mentioned they like to go on fishing weekends. You should knock, I wouldn’t be offended. I’m a single mum, I would be glad that someone was half keeping a look out.

Yeah, me too - isn't that what a good community is?

I would call round

And? Were they at home?

I hope everything is alright!

You might notice anything on day 1, and day 2 and 3 create a pattern. A one off isn't going to concern anyone, you need a few consecutive days for it to be noticeable and a worrying length of time. Does that not make sense to you? Would you charge over and start making a fuss because a routine was altered once? Majority of people wouldn't. You'd wait and see.

Hopefully there is a mundane and non-exciting reason for the change in their daily routine, like they have gone on holiday and not mentioned it to OP this time. There's absolutely no harm in checking though and I don't get those posters who think it's weird of OP to be concerned.

I would have gone round and tried peering in windows and letterbox by now, in case I could see any indications of trouble or just signs of life (have also heard of an entire family died from carbon monoxide poisoning). Fingers crossed it's actually OK.

When she said she was knocking "today" I doubt she meant shortly after midnight!

Hope everything is ok, I would like to think people would notice if I hadn't been seen for a while but these days everyone keeps themselves to themselves so I think it's nice you're concerned

What an awful experience for your dad! Yes we don't know what goes on in people's private lives. Hopefully this family is away, or down with the flu and it's nothing more sinister.

OP do go round and knock today.

Knock. I'd be glad of someone checking.

I haven’t read the full thread but having read OP posts I’d definitely be worried. Enough to knock anyway. And when neighbours of mine have checked in over the years I’ve thought it was kind, not nosy.

One idea is if they have a toddler I’m guessing they are millenial / gen Z… they’ll be on social media. Maybe just a quick check on insta to see if you can see them and see some holiday snaps or similar indicating they are away? May feel a bit weird but could be 2 mins and put your mind at rest.

Hopefully it’s nothing sinister and they have been picked up by the MIL to go and look after Aunty Doris who has had a fall and broken her arm so needs a bit more support. Or something along those lines.

The story came to mind reading this of the toddler who died last christmas - his dad (single parent) had had a heart attack and died in his sleep and the poor child died of thirst as it was twixmas and they didn’t have any visitors and the poor baby didn’t know how to get out of the house or get help.

I mean I know this is a dramatic / worst case but god if only the neighbours of this poor child had been concerned he could have been saved.

Knock. "There's a nasty bug going around and I havent seen you around so wondered if you were sick and need anything. "

Knock on the door-check to see if they’re all right . I’d say something like “Noticed your car’s not moved-do you need any shopping?”

By far the most likely thing is that they’ve gone away in a taxi/lift from friends but I’d check.
I’d knock on the door, and then if no answer see if you can see in through the back garden windows.
Have you asked other neighbours? Maybe they saw them leave?

Perhaps they've had to go away unexpectedly for something?

I went round to the house of a girl I tutor a few weeks ago. Car on the driveway as normal, so I assumed they were in.
I was a bit early, so was killing time, when their neighbour came and knocked on my car window. They'd been called away to Spain very suddenly due to a family medical episode.

I was away for 8 nights last week. My car was left on the driveway the whole time.

If you're worried, go and knock. If you get an answer, then great! I'm sure they'll appreciate the concern. If they don't answer, then you can consider escalating.