Page 22 | DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

Endorewitch · 07/10/2025 20:32

Strange set up. He lives rent free but pays your share of bills. He is onto a good thing. You say the rent in your area would be £2500 monthly. Probably the monthly bills on average are less than a fifth of what rent would be.
You are very generous and it is ridiculous he tells you not to put heating on.
The problem is if he pays rent,he could possibly lay a claim on the house. Although not being married,probably not.

AdoraBell · 07/10/2025 20:33

YANBU OP and as others have said, it’s your property so as he’s showing his colours now tell him to move out and pay the bills in his own place.

AC246 · 07/10/2025 20:34

He is some tight cheeky fxxker and if I were you I would have a serious rethink.

He moved out from mummy and daddy and now is living off you paying a minimum amount and thinks he gets to dictate the heat in YOUR home.

He's a mean entitled twat.
Don't ignore this.
He is showing you what a mean man-child he is.

Tell him best he moves out and ye date.
Let him find an apartment for £400 including bills.
He thinks you owe him.

How have you not gotten the total ick?

You sound great.
Don't be used by a mean twat.

SilkAndSparklesForParties · 07/10/2025 20:39

@Lily0o a lifetime ago now, DH lived at mine (he also retained the room he rented in a crappy flat until we got married). The house was mine. Mortgage in my name. He insisted on paying half towards the utilities and half towards food. He would never have dictated that I couldn't have the heating on. Although we are both a bit frugal and I'd have put a jumper on first. Not even when I stopped work and he brought home all the bacon.

We are in the balmy south. The heating is never turned off, it's just set at 16 and when it's cold, most mornings for more than a month, it comes on.

In the words and tone of the M&S ad, you don't just have a cocklodger, you have a mean and controlling Cocklodger.

I can imagine what he'll be like in five years' when you are on maternity leave with number two and don't want very much to go back to work full-time. Get rid.

Gwenhwyfar · 07/10/2025 20:42

LifeBeginsToday · 06/10/2025 17:13

I'm with him on it being too early for heating but with you on the financial set up is going to cause resentment and he isn't far off getting a free ride. He probably resents that you're a homeowner and he isn't.

Too early for heating! You can't impose that on other people!

FateAmenableToChange · 07/10/2025 20:48

He is basically cock lodging and has the cheek to complain now that his easy summer ride on the bills is over. My issue with this is he doesn't even recognise what a great deal he is getting. To have the bare faced cheek to complain about you putting the heating on, when he is paying a pittance. Im sorry but you have become mummy and daddy. He is not a keeper, Id chuck him back and find an equal, not just financially but mentally.

AnEnglishCircedee · 07/10/2025 21:10

Lily0o · 06/10/2025 17:09

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

He needs to leave , now .

Omgblueskys · 07/10/2025 21:11

Buzyizzy217 · 07/10/2025 20:00

£2500? In your dreams. I rented a 2 bed in Brighton for £1200 last year.
Secondly, he should be named on the mortgage if he is living there. You’re breaking no end of rules with your mortgagee. If you either decided to sell, or it had to be repossessed, he would have rights. Do things properly. Put him on the mortgage and split everything. Saves all arguments.

What rules is op breaking?? Her mortgage her name, she doesn't need to answer to a mortgage company who's living with her ,

Artmumcreative · 07/10/2025 21:13

I put YABU because I and my husband were in the same position so we just split everything including the mortgage equally when he moved in (before we got married) and kept it the same afterwards.

Richtea1234 · 07/10/2025 21:17

Lily0o · 06/10/2025 17:09

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

Tell him to sleep in the porch because you pay the rent.

Lockdownsceptic · 07/10/2025 21:20

Years ago I was told that a man that rations warmth will ration everything , including love. I’ve never forgotten it.

Twinkeeyes · 07/10/2025 21:30

I think Men generally are mean about having the heating on as they usually out in the evenings

Hohumdedum · 07/10/2025 21:33

themerchentofvenus · 06/10/2025 17:19

You should pay all bills then charge him a lodger fee per week to cover his share of bills.

Food should be 50-50.

I'd do this.

Incidentally, I pay for gas and electricity in my relationship. My payment for that started off at £80/mo and shot up to almost £450/mo when energy prices were at their peak. I definitely nagged DH if I saw him crank up the thermostat without using all the jumpers and blankets first!

Bunny65 · 07/10/2025 21:43

He has a real cheek making a fuss about the heating but I know some men are silly about it whatever their finances. It can be difficult when the finances aren’t evenly split but it sounds like he’s got a pretty good deal to me. I think you need to talk it through but maybe make it clear that you’re not prepared to freeze in your own home thanks to him.

HorrorFan81 · 07/10/2025 21:43

Twinkeeyes · 07/10/2025 21:30

I think Men generally are mean about having the heating on as they usually out in the evenings

Wait what?

Imbusytodaysorry · 07/10/2025 21:44

@Lily0o of course your not being unreasonable . He is trying to go back on his agreement by making your life less comfortable .
He knew the agreement and now he doesn’t want to pay

Genuinely ask him to move out. He has some cheek!

Comtesse · 07/10/2025 21:45

Buzyizzy217 · 07/10/2025 20:00

£2500? In your dreams. I rented a 2 bed in Brighton for £1200 last year.
Secondly, he should be named on the mortgage if he is living there. You’re breaking no end of rules with your mortgagee. If you either decided to sell, or it had to be repossessed, he would have rights. Do things properly. Put him on the mortgage and split everything. Saves all arguments.

What are you on about? No need to notify the mortgage lender and why on earth would OP want to put this guy on the mortgage?? Makes zero sense.

MaddestGranny · 07/10/2025 21:58

he’s showing you who he is.
be grateful for the lesson.
he doesn’t sound like a keeper.

OneKhakiFish · 07/10/2025 22:24

YANBU He's got an easy life paying a few hundred pounds to live in your comfy house and gets to keep the rest of his wage as pocket money. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period where he shows you his best light, It won't be long till he says he prefers sitting in the dark, he'll be telling you to buy candles next and not to put the big light on. I can't see him contributing to the household chores either but if he does he's still not worth the grief, send him back to his mummy

Babba2 · 07/10/2025 22:39

If that's what your arrangement is, and it works for both of you, great! But he's very naive if he thinks it's going to cost the same in the colder months as the summer. He's probably been brought up being told to not put the heating on until the clocks change or something. Do you have a digital thermometer that turns the heating on when its gets below a set temperature? If not I'd get one. No arguments then!

pinkpony88 · 07/10/2025 22:43

Twinkeeyes · 07/10/2025 21:30

I think Men generally are mean about having the heating on as they usually out in the evenings

Eh? Where?

gardenflowergirl · 07/10/2025 23:08

I'd see a solicitor and look at getting a cohabitation order. So you both know where you stand legally.

Duchess379 · 07/10/2025 23:18

So he's living in your flat, paying for food & bills, but whinging about the heating?! He'd be paying a lot more renting on his own. Tell him to do one.

Honeybee32 · 08/10/2025 00:19

You are not being unreasonable. Out of curiosity how long have you been with this person? If it's a relatively new relationship (few months ish) this would be a big red flag for me. My ex husband was just like this, always having a go at me over bills and putting heating on, he would storm around shouting at me about staying in the shower too long. Eventually you'll be walking on egg shells in your own home. Let this tight arse go get his own flat and he can be as cold as he wants all winter.

Honeybee32 · 08/10/2025 00:22

OneKhakiFish · 07/10/2025 22:24

YANBU He's got an easy life paying a few hundred pounds to live in your comfy house and gets to keep the rest of his wage as pocket money. This is supposed to be the honeymoon period where he shows you his best light, It won't be long till he says he prefers sitting in the dark, he'll be telling you to buy candles next and not to put the big light on. I can't see him contributing to the household chores either but if he does he's still not worth the grief, send him back to his mummy

Yep. My ex was just like this. They tend to be very selfish in other areas of the relationship when they are like this over bills. There's being sensible and then there's these arseholes that never want to pay anything.