DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

[Lily0o]

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

The mistake was allowing him to move in straight from his parents house. He needs to be a grown up and live alone, he doesn't understand how good he has it.

Tell him to leave and he can pay his own bills AND rent. He's a cocklodger in the making.

Depends slightly on what you were wearing, I think jumpers are the first line of defence, not heating. Mine hasn’t gone on yet because the house temperatures hasn’t dipped below 18 degrees

I think it’s weird that he thinks he gets to dictate whether or not you put on the heating in your own apartment. He sounds a bit immature and petulant. He might need a reality check of how good he has it.

Men are weird about central heating. You just have to stand your ground. It's colder here than usual so the heating has been resurrected this week. He tutted today that the house was too hot, until he twigged the heating hadn't come on the eejit.

Tell him to leave and he can pay his own bills AND rent. He's a cocklodger in the making.

Agree and he's given you the perfect excuse as well. "You're so right, it must be hard to have to pay someone else's bills while they pay nothing at all! Our set-up is so unfair on you - you shouldn't have to pay for my greedy heater-using ways! Living separately would make much ore sense. Byeeeeee..."

I bet his "I pay the bills!" willy-waving is about feeling inadequate because he knows he actually pays less than half the actual bills.

Wow I can’t believe all the responses on here. He’s getting a bloody awesome deal. I bet he payed his parents board when living with them. If he moved into a friends mortgaged house do people think said friend would say, don’t worry about rent, just pay half of the bills? Of course not he would never have any investment rights to that either. Op saved for her property and had been paying the mortgage before he came along. Just because he landed on his feet and met someone who has their own property does not mean he can live like a kept man! He’s got it cushty and should not be moaning about you putting the heating on whatsoever!!

There are few things less attractive than a crab's arse.

OP the comments on this thread are wild. Your arrangement is totally fine. He is getting a good deal. You need to remind him of this when he brings up the heating being on again. Have a chat about how you both like the heating to be. I have always had flats with shocking heating so I tend not to bother putting it on and rock about with electric blankets everywhere. But my boyfriend loves being warm, so I wouldn't expect him to act the same as me. Hopefully you can meet in the middle. It's just a difference of attitude.

Not necessarily. OP might have a flat mate or lodger who was paying rent. Plus he's getting the benefit of someone to share household chores, always supposing he does his fair share himself, of course.

@Lily0o Listen to me for a moment...

94% of people in your poll are on your side here, but as is usually the case with MN, there are a lot of posts from antagonistic, contrary people who could start an argument in an empty room, and who like to wind up the OP of any given thread. Some of them are having a good time needling you. Don't let them.
And just get the tight-fisted git to move out again.
🙂

Temperature is the way to judge whether heating goes on, not a calendar.

Some replies on here...

Look, I think he has a good deal. You pay £2000 for your mortgage. He pays £400 for bills. You say he earns £3000 a month and you earn more. Meaning he has a chance to still save up a deposit - either to pay off some of your mortgage when he comes on in the future, or to buy his own place if it doesn't work out. It seems very generous of you. Many would have asked for rent at half the cost of the mortgage. So £1000 and then bills on top. So he would be paying £1200 instead.

I totally get from his perspective, he has moved from home not having to pay anything. So yeh the heating bill will be a bit of a shock. A lot of it might also be what arrangements he grew up re heating. But we boosted ours for half an hour twice last week and its been coming on with the freezing setting on repeatedly last week too. So yeh, you can put the heating on if you are cold. And yes we have an electric heater, electric blanket and jumper on before the heating is switched on. We are trying to hold off turning it on properly till the end of the month though.

I would just sit down and say you aren't going to be cold in your own home and financially you think he has a good deal. Ask if he would rather pay rent at 50% of the mortgage and 50% of the bills. Otherwise, you think you should both be able to be warm in the house and are off put that he wants you to be cold in the house. Also, reflect on what is he going to be like if you aren't working or earning as much as him in the future and he pays for everything.

This.

You’ve literally sat there and made up lots of bullshit in your head 😂😀😅😆

@Lily0o please don’t waste your time responding to people like this, they read ABC and create their narrative XYZ projecting and making shit up as they go on.

He's getting a great deal.

And he doesn't seem to appreciate it. Who the hell does he think he is throwing around comments like "he pays the bills " and thinking he should be the sole decision maker in when the heating goes on.

That to me says this is not a relationship worth pursuing. His communication style and his unwillingness to take into account what you might want or need are shocking. All this over heating. What happens when there is a big issue??

I would be asking him to leave for those reasons alone.

Wife and I have frequent clashes about heating in winter and it has nothing to do with money. She likes it like a sauna, I like to be able to breathe. Sometimes I just have to open the doors to the garden just to let some chill in, I'm in a T-shirt and she has a blanket over her legs. I read somewhere that males and females feel the temperature differently.

Oh God yet another "relationship" where the participants seem to be just 2 separate individuals that live together, particularly the miserable man who seems to have no respect or love for their "partner" 🙈🙈

I mean, what's the point of this situation??

The responses on this post tread a crazy. He had an incredible deal living with you! He should stop being a stingy miser and be a bit more grateful. I personally would think he should contribute more and should be living rent free.

Laughing at the poster who insisted you couldn’t own a big flat and it’s prob paid by hb lol

Dump the tightwad

good for you, it was 12 in my house the other morning, and a ground frost outside.

the uk temperature isn't universal across the whole of britain.

Why don’t limit his access to the bathroom and kitchen/house facilities as you pay the mortgage

A comment like that from someone who appears to be a human barnacle would make me turn the temperature up so high you'd be able to fry an egg on a radiator. Then id open all the windows.

Hes taking the steaming piss op. Did I read you've not been together for long? And hes already mugging you off? He'll get worse the longer youre together. Get this scrounging dead weight in the bin.

i'd like to know what he's spending his other £2kpm wages on that he's getting shitty about the Utilities bill going up a bit over winter.

his piss won't be steaming, he won't have the heating on xD

I pay the gas and electric in our house and I feel the cold less than DH. However, if he’s cold he puts the heating on and I would never dream of even commenting because if he’s cold he’s cold. I love him and want him to feel cosy! 🥰