DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

[Lily0o]

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

Jesus Christmas @Lily0o
Your "DP" ain't so dear.
I'd give him a month to move out. He will never change.

The fiction/story writing forum is somewhere else.

It makes more sense if he’s moved from living with his parents to living with you, in the sense that he doesn’t have a bloody clue how good of a deal he has 😂 if he’d had to rent in Brighton for a while and saw what he’d get for his contribution (ie a flat share), he’d probably thank his lucky stars and tell you to go wild with the heating.

Actually this is a really good point - is this the first time he’s had to pay bills like this? The figures may have come as a shock to him after letting his parents take care of it. And if he’s had a parent saying the same words “I’m paying the bills so you can’t have cuz” then he’s in that mindset.

You do need a sit down and compare expenses, compare local rents, show him last winter’s bills and what he’s likely to expect etc.

Try reading all the OP's posts before you type such silly things.

And what realm of your imagination does this come from? Or are you actually calling OP a liar?

@Lily0o anyone who denies you the basics in life isn’t worth the headache.

I would have some serious words with him, do not give into his tight fisted ways.

Next he won’t let you run a bath and will get the tape measure out to check how much you’ve filled it like my ex-husband xx

I'd struggle to be in a situation where someone thinks it's ok to be 'angry' with me for putting the heating on in my own house.

So I think you need to try and get to the root cause of this behaviour if you think he is a good partner in general.

My advice would be to sit down with him and start over again to work out what kind of financial situation WOULD work for you both. He's clearly feeling something, and so are you. Perhaps a better solution would be for him to pay a nominal rent, and you split all other bills 50/50. That would totally remove this mindset of 'he pays the bills'. Perhaps it's the uncertainty of those figures that is affecting him.

In any world though, IMO, it is NOT ok to be angry at someone for wanting to be warm. Good luck.

Yes he doesn’t realise how bad it is here to rent and how expensive it is

You should pay 50% of bills plus the mortgage. Anything less risks him arguing if you split up that by paying your 50% of bills he has in effect contributed towards the mortgage and owns a share. If you want to protect your asset then that’s what you should do - he can then use his money to buy or save for his own assets. If you want him to pay more than 50% bills you should get legal advice and make sure there is a water tight legal agreement.

OP I think it would be best if he pays rent (maybe reduced) and you both split the bills equally until you’re in a financially committed relationship. What is he saving up for?

Some of these comments are wild!
Op its your home, I think you have a very reasonable set up and your other half is getting a bloody good deal.
I wouldn't be cold in my own home either. Maybe remind him he can move home with his parents anytime he likes and attempt to dictate when they heat their home!

Regardless of who pays the bills, I won't have any heating on in my house until at least the end of October, however cold people are, including me! But my boiler is old and eats money.

Yeah but why? Why suffer for no reason?

@Lily0o the problem with a man who goes from living with his parents, into living with a girlfriend is their lack of experience of knowing what it takes to live on your own. Financial responsibilities - rent/mortgage, bills, food, and housework. Quite often, as we see on here, men who go straight from parents to live with a female, it ends badly. The man hasn't grown up and lived life independently.

I sadly made this mistake too in my 20's. I'd lived independently, but then in moved my boyfriend, straight from his mummy's house. He didn't even know how to make beans on toast. It was a nightmare. It ended very badly.

Thankfully, my second husband had lived independently. Financially responsible. Was responsible for his own mortgage, bills, and was domesticated, and a good cook.

FWIW I’ve been paying my own mortgage and bills for 25 years and I have the heating on whenever I want to. If he earns £3k a month he can get his own flat and shiver under a blanket because HE will be paying for the roof over his head.

The only question here is how did you manage to not turn around and say "you're in maaaa house bitch!" with a finger snap?!

It's expensive in my house, and I would rather indulge in it when it's truly cold winter weather. I don't know other than that, it's just the way it's always been. I've never lived in a very warm home that can hold heat, and I'm usually too hot in other people's more modern houses.

I generally just put another jumper on!

If i were you OP I'd agree with him its not fair he pays all the bills so you have decided that charging him market rent for a room in a nice flat plus half the bills is a much better arrangement.

Back this up with listing's of rooms in nice flat shares showing the actual amount he would be paying.

Or just pack him back to his parents until he realises how easy he has had it

If i were you OP I'd agree with him its not fair he pays all the bills so you have decided that charging him market rent for a room in a nice flat plus half the bills is a much better arrangement.

Back this up with listing's of rooms in nice flat shares showing the actual amount he would be paying.

Or just pack him back to his parents until he realises how easy he has had it

You think the op doesn't own the house, you think she has children and you think she's on benefits. Despite all the OPs information saying otherwise. Why have you come to this conclusion exactly or are you just hoping for an argument on a thread?

Maybe you don't believe a single woman could work and manage to purchase a property without the help of a man?

Brought: to bring something
Bought: to buy something, make a purchase

Turn the heating on when you like. He’s literally paying keep.

I think you should split the bills 50/50 to be honest.

You're paying the mortgage, but that's also something that will retain value and provide you with security.

I personally wouldn't charge a partner rent if I had a mortgage. If I owned a home I would just share my space with them free of charge. Like how can I love someone enough to move in with them, yet not just share my space for free?

I don't think having him pay all the bills is a very equal dynamic to be honest.

Whatever you do, don’t marry or have kids with this tight bastard.

I would be kicking him out. He’s saving hundreds if not thousands living rent free. I certainly wouldn’t have someone dictate when I have MY heating on.