DP angry I put heating on as he “pays the bills” AIBU?

[Lily0o]

Last week when the weather was colder I put the heating on. My partner got into an argument with me over this saying it costs a fortune and turned it off. Told me to use blankets. I got into an argument with him over this. He started on at me about money, as he’s paying the bills etc.

He does “pay the bills” as our financial arrangement is that I own my own flat, so I pay the entire mortgage (as it is solely mine) and he doesn’t pay rent but he covers the gas and electric, council tax and half the food bills. I lived with him over the summer where this obviously wasn’t an issue but now it’s coming to winter he’s starting to aggravate me. I think he’s annoyed about paying all the bills. But I think our arrangement is fair? If he was renting a flat this size it would cost him £2500 a month (it’s 3 bedrooms in Brighton) and he’s paying a few hundred pounds every month.

I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable, maybe I am? Just looking for opinions.

It seems I’m one of the minority. You’re paying the mortgage - the house is yours. But why is he paying for your share of bills? It doesn’t matter if he’s saving money by living with you… you shouldn’t be saving money by profiting from your partner.

😅 To be fair most comments have been supportive but I’m probably replying more to negative ones to defend myself

I wonder how much he was paying his parents.

He seems very out of touch with what living independently of his parents costs.

You're not financially compatible. You have different levels of financial responsibility. You are clearly a saver, and sensible. He's not bothered to save while having it cushy living with mum & dad, and now you.

Honestly, he's not your life partner, you're not aligned, and his attitude about the heating was disgusting.

Get rid.

Oh bugger. I use a star to signify a multiply and so I ended up with a load of bold.

My sum should be:-

0.5 x MV of flat x interest rate

You don't need to do that. Just ignore them. You need to develop rhino hide to post on MN.

The op never said he was paying all the bills, she quite clearly said in the OP that he was paying Gas & Electic, The Council Tax, and 50% of the food bill.

As i pointed out later in the thread, that doesn't take into account water rates tv/internet/phone, house/building insurance, and utilities insurances...etc.

He is a cocklodger living in cloud cuckoo land.. who has moved from his parents into the OP's house and thinks he can tell her she can't put the heating on in her own home.

Direct him to spare room dot com.

This thread is batshit crazy!!!

The replies from posters saying you have a good deal are nuts!

OP seriously please consider your long term commitment to this cock lodger man. I'd be surprised if this was his first hint of stinginess or control.

He's mean and controlling. You only need to read some threads from women on maternity leave who use up their savings as they still have to pay 50:50 on bills etc.

Maybe the other red flags you've ignored as you are at the moment comfortably off.

You'd be mad to get married and have children with this man. Remember the old mumnset adage "when someone tells you who they are ... listen"

How long have you been together? Sorry if I missed that in one of your previous posts.

It was both really because he lives quite far away. He was living with his parents (which doesn’t bother me btw before anyone has a go, I’d have done the same to save if I could)!

Kick him out of your home. Then he can pay his own bills AND the rent....

Complete loser.

Yes I’m on a 30 year mortgage so will likely end up paying double the actual mortgage on interest payments!

This thread is batshit. I can't believe the number of posters who think that a 28 year old professional woman who owns a mortgaged flat, should fully support her 26 year old boyfriend by allowing him to move in and not expecting him to make any financial contribution at all, even though he takes home over £3000 per month. He is currently contributing about £500 per month while OP pays about £2200 per month, and posters are up in arms about how hard done to he is.

How is he paying for her share of the bills - he lives there too, he isn’t paying all the bills and he doesn’t pay any rent. £500 a month for a flat in Brighton is good going as far as I can see.

I would just charge half the bills plus a small cost of wear and tear, and split the food bill.

Then secretly expect them to treat me.

The op never said he was paying all the bills, she quite clearly said in the OP that he was paying Gas & Electic, The Council Tax, and 50% of the food bill.

As i pointed out later in the thread, that doesn't take into account water rates tv/internet/phone, house/building insurance, and utilities insurances...etc.

He is a cocklodger living in cloud cuckoo land.. who has moved from his parents into the OP's house and thinks he can tell her she can't put the heating on in her own home.

My point was that she said in the Op and the title that he pays "the" bills and that he was fed up paying "all the bills" so folks have replied, harshly, on the OP accordingly.

Rather than realising that they are likely paying very similar amounts and he's a twat who she should seriously consider if she wants to live with.

This.

I have been married a very long time. One thing you need to know about a man before you marry him is:- how does he behave when he thinks that he has power over you. Particularly financial power.

Because if you two stay together then there will almost certainly be a point where he will have more power in the relationship. Whether due to children, illness, unemployment, old age. It has happened to each of me and Dh (pregnancy / maternity leave for me, redundancy for Dh) in our marriage.

Because his little outburst about the heating makes me think he is not someone you want to ever be in a situation when he is the main or sole earner.

Yes and none I repeat NONE of the women telling me to do this are doing that themselves!

You need to nip this in the bud now before it gets colder again.

I’d do what a previous poster suggested - cost out what a co-habitation agreement with local rate for a room share room plus half the bills would cost.

Sit him down and show him the option.

He either takes that option or stops talking about how he ‘pays the bills’.

One issue that isn’t solved by this is you might just be financially incompatible if he is tight around things like heating etc. Has he shown similar behaviour around other spending issues, buying treats or luxuries etc?

So in that “properly fair” situation - how much does he pay?

It’s UC now. And they will pay a proportion of rent based on individual circumstances, based on Local Authority housing benefits rates. What they wont do is pay for a three bedroom flat with only two people living there and both incomes will be taken into account.

Are you doing that??? Have you ever had a financial arrangement with a man similar to that? Because it’s easy to say that.

This living arrangement is a situational thing then, and him telling you to turn the heating off in your home is outrageous!

I don’t think this relationship is the one for you. You’re irritated by his flaming cheek tbh, and rightly so.

Stop projecting your life onto me.