I’m 26, and I’m not saving for a house or planning to move out

[WeCouldBeNice]

And apparently that’s a very unpopular decision amongst certain family members.

I have grown up always listening to my mum and grandmother saying that they regretted not travelling more in their youth. So I’m doing it, before I can have any regrets.

i work a job that pays just under £25k. Moving out would be miserable. I’d exist to pay my bills and nothing more. I am unable to borrow enough to even purchase a flat in my local area. So I’m spending all my money on travelling instead. Short trips. Weekends away and longer European trips next year.

my older brothers are horrified by this (despite both doing it themselves). They think I should be moved out and renting by now.

my dad turned round to them yesterday and asked if they wanted to ever see their daughters struggling and unhappy. They obviously said no, so he asked why they expected that of me. They couldn’t really answer.

theoretically I could take the money I’m putting into my travel savings each month and use it to save for a house. But I’d never get a big enough deposit to allow me to buy anything even anywhere near decent to live in. And I’d then be bound to a mortgage and never be able to do anything other than sit at home.

is it really that bad to do this?

I think the houses exist. She's referenced wealthy parents in her other threads.
The new addition to this thread is the older brothers, so presumably they are half brothers who don't have the same opportunities as her.

I think if you and especially your parents are happy with what you are doing then you are fine. It would be different if they wanted you to move out in the not too distant future but as they don't, then everyone who actually matters in this scenario is happy and that's all that matters.

I did actually think about that before I posted and no, I don’t think that’s the case. Certainly people in AIBU might try and explain their position but it’s unusual to be so utterly sure that they’re in the right. This OP has come here for validation and won’t accept even the slightest suggestion that she might want to consider the wider picture, or that other choices are equally valid.

I don’t have any issue with what’s she’s doing either but as I said before, I do take exception to the fact that she’s looking down on others while she’s in a position of real privilege.

If your parents are happy then I can't see anything wrong with it . My son who is soon to be 50 lives at home and does so much for me , I'm having cancer treatment and couldn't do without him 💔 I never understood the push to get your kids out when they hit a certain age unless it was to marry or cohabit.

Glad your son's supportive. Very best wishes for your treatment. Yes, it is strange how there's pressure to move out. Wasn't always like that. You only have to go back to perhaps 1950s, or maybe not even as far back, and you get to a time when it was the norm to stay at home until marriage, whether that was age 16 or 40. But there have always been prejudices. In those days it was against women who were unmarried by age 30 - dreadfully sexist because men were never 'left on shelf'. Now it's OK to remain single, provided you don't live with parents.

People tended to marry in their early 20s though. So still wouldn't be hanging around parents homes

Even in the 80s the average age for a woman to marry was under 26

No issue with living with parents, but in the nicest way possible, it’s people like OP that I don’t want my tax money to support if falling on hard times. However, it seems that her parents are wealthy. If OP will be supported through gifts or inheritance, then enjoy!

I wish you a speedy recovery. And I genuinely mean this from my heart.

The op earns a salary and pays rent to her parents, as well as doing things in the house. She also pays income tax, isn't freeloading by any means; her current salary is not high but she certainly contributes and her parents are happy with the arrangement. It won't be forever.

@WhatMyNameis

why on earth wouldn’t you want your sons to spread their wings, see the world, and make their own adult lives for themselves??

@LBFseBrom

i dunno. It could be forever the way OP is going on. She’s not just gonna get to 30 or whatever and magically have the wherewithal to move out if she’s pissing all her money away at F1

She's waiting until they give her a house or die

Where's your evidence to back up your sweeping statement?

Not sure 'hanging around ' is an unbiased description but some people just don't get on with their kids , I get that .

Now you're just sounding bitchy to make your own position feel OK.....

Maybe people want their own space as well without other ADULTS constantly under their feet. If you live in a mansion it might not matter too much but in a small flat it's a bit different

Or are people with grown up kids never entitled to any space or time to themselves

I agree with space being an issue. I live with my 2 adult children but we all have our own personal space . I love them living with me tbh. One son has autism , he's 42 the other has had strokes and needed support so came home . We are not under each other's feet so I get what you're saying .

We went to Vaalwater, just outside of Joburg. We found a safari in a private game reserve, we stayed in the loveliest individual.lodges within the reserve, and every day we were taken by fabulous guides, with our group, into our reserve or a nearby one. We came back after every trip to fabulous food and a gorgeous pool. We flew direct both ways so no changing planes, and I felt absolutely safe, and reassured that help was at hand if needed

It sounds similar to me. I moved home when I was 23, spent two years saving to go travelling, then went travelling at 25 for a year. When I came back I then spent the next two years at home, saving for a deposit. My parents were happy with it. Extremely glad I did the travelling then. In the long run, I'm now 47 and the mortgage is now paid off, so it didn't delay things by much. Ultimately if you and your parents are happy, that's all that matters.

I think you’ve chosen a path and if that’s where you want to go then go you!!! I always find the people who don’t understand/ condemn people’s choices are regularly people touting what they have themselves and not touting it well as they promote what looks like a miserable existence (eg me and Tim worked all our life and paid taxes and bought the house we’re in now and didn’t waste money on things like holidays, big cars or eating out, and you’re thinking ‘but you and Tim are literally the most negative people I’ve ever met, always unhappy and bitter’!!)

Using your annual leave for a few holidays a year is hardly travelling op ! Loads of people do this - I can’t think of the last time I used annual
leave and didn’t go away somewhere 🤷‍♀️

still managed to eventually save up for a flat while also taking plenty of holidays just took a bit longer

I also quit various jobs along the way and moved countries 3 times for working holiday visas

and had 6 months in Asia and 6 months in South America another time

spent mat leave travelling too

what you are doing is nothing Unusual

Don’t think anyone’s being very bitter- OPs messages are hugely inconsistent on this thread. She’s not saving at all and living at home and travelling when she takes annual leave. Then she is saving. Then it’s saving but not for a house. Then she wants to move out by age 30 so less than 4 years away but absolutely won’t save for it. Mum and dad own 5 properties so OP is in an extremely privileged position that most other 26 year olds aren’t in. It’s fine to make the most of that luck and travel but not fine to make out you’re so poor and will never be able to save up to leave because all your spare money has gone on holidays when clearly that’s not the case.

I agree with others you need to balance savings and travel. Surely you can just put half of your 'spare' money into savings and half for travel. I think you'll suddenly realise in your 30's when you want to buy your own place that it may have been a good idea to save a bit for a deposit.

I didn't buy my first place until I was 30 as rented but I used a help to buy scheme to buy a flat and you only needed a small deposit but still needed a deposit..you never know when an opportunity like that may come along, or you may meet someone and want to buy something together and if you carry on spending and saving nothing your options will be so much more limited.