I’m 26, and I’m not saving for a house or planning to move out

[WeCouldBeNice]

And apparently that’s a very unpopular decision amongst certain family members.

I have grown up always listening to my mum and grandmother saying that they regretted not travelling more in their youth. So I’m doing it, before I can have any regrets.

i work a job that pays just under £25k. Moving out would be miserable. I’d exist to pay my bills and nothing more. I am unable to borrow enough to even purchase a flat in my local area. So I’m spending all my money on travelling instead. Short trips. Weekends away and longer European trips next year.

my older brothers are horrified by this (despite both doing it themselves). They think I should be moved out and renting by now.

my dad turned round to them yesterday and asked if they wanted to ever see their daughters struggling and unhappy. They obviously said no, so he asked why they expected that of me. They couldn’t really answer.

theoretically I could take the money I’m putting into my travel savings each month and use it to save for a house. But I’d never get a big enough deposit to allow me to buy anything even anywhere near decent to live in. And I’d then be bound to a mortgage and never be able to do anything other than sit at home.

is it really that bad to do this?

I agree!

You're obviously assuming someone else is going to fund your current lifestyle choices when you get old. That's a big assumption.

@BananaPeels

you cannot love your kids. If you did love them you would want them to live with you forever and ever. According to OP anyway…

Your child sounds entirely different, though — he’s ‘wandering around the world’ and self-supporting. The OP is living with her parents for the foreseeable future, and going to Corneall and Geneva for weekends.

Do you think your brothers are jealous and think you will be inheriting the house?

Wow a few years ago , think 2023 I went backpacking in south Africa A week in cape town, driving the garden route to port Elizabeth then flew to Joburg for a couple of days. Obviously a miracle lm alive

though, not true
also though, there are many countries where people just share the house, the younger adults mature into older, look after their elderly and logically, just inherit the house, without the though

Do whatever makes you happy - BUT do it responsibly and make sure that it's not adversely affecting other family members, especially your parents.

I "presume" that you are at least contributing a reasonable amount towards your parent's household costs in the meantime?

And it’s virtually always a daughter or daughter-in-law shouldering all the gruntwork of this scenario.

Honestly OP, I think it depends.

If you're happy with your circumstances and you've just decided that you're happy living at home rather than renting and aren't bothered about being a homeowner if it means you can't travel, then great. More power to you for making the choices that work for you.

But, if you're like a friend of mine who lives with her parents at the age of 43/44, takes numerous foreign holidays and goes to about 10 big gigs a year, but then takes every opportunity she gets to moan about never being able to afford to buy a house, then I can see why your brothers would find it supremely annoying.

My friend is obviously older than you so house prices were at a lower base when she was starting out, but her complete lack of awareness that her own choices have played a part in her inability to buy a house means I've had to change the subject every time she brings it up. Her close-in-age siblings and all her friends of the same age have managed to buy a house because they sacrificed a few things/prioritised saving and/or bought a shitty starter home and worked their way up from there. She wants a 3 bed new build with a big garden right off the bat while travelling the world and going out every weekend. I actually bought later than the rest of our friends, but that was because I chose to travel and do postgrad study - my choices dictated my ability to buy a flat. I've also had to compromise in terms of location - again my choices dictating where I've ended up. I own my choices, my friend does not.

You sound like you own your choices too, but maybe in real life you complain a lot about not being able to buy to your brothers, and that's why they get pissed off?

They sound a bit chauvinistic your brothers. It's alright from them to have a bachelor lifestyle until mid 30s but their sister has to move out and shack up with someone. I guess that is what they are hinting at more than anything? Or have I totally missed the mark there? Or are women just expected to be more sensible and save every penny?

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all,
especially as your parents are happy with the situation.

Personally, I would have a house saving pot also. I lived at home until age 26 and saved hard. I didn’t spend on unnecessary things (lunches out, coffees, parking, taxis etc) and saved for what I wanted; travel, life experience. I use to stay in budget accommodation/hostels which meant I wasn’t splashing all my cash but still have great experiences. I saved for a home and then met someone and moved in with them in my late 20’s.

I have had a mortgage for a long time, but life’s a struggle and I don’t get to go away now like I did when I was younger.

Live life, journal and get photo albums so you can reflect back. Enjoy it while you can!

What promotions are you looking at? How good the promotions in nhs are if you’re not a doctor? It’s incredibly difficult to get decent pay rise in gov job. Even if you double your salary within 5 years time it won’t buy you a property on single income so with your attitude now you’ll be probably in a similar position in 5 years time. Why not put a time frame on your lifestyle - ie I’ll start seriously saving when I turn 30?
That’s what I did - I travelled a lot in my 20s and started saving for a flat and pension when I turned 30. I alway had at least £10k in my savings just in case. But I was in a highly progressive career where my salaries went up every couple of years so by the age of 28 I was on £45k 14 years ago. Decent salary back then but I still needed £70k deposit to buy a flat in my area!
also nhs pension is good but realistically unobtainable unless you’re working nearly all your life if your health allows it
Im an immigrant in the UK so had no family support, you’re incredibly lucky you can live with your parents at 26, do put some money away. You’ll be glad you did

I have changed my mind. I did think bad idea but now I see you pay your parents rent. So it's no different than a house share or renting a place. Probably a lot nicer and cheaper so yeah good on you.
Not saving for the future and spending all you get isn't good practice tho. And also remember that house prices have gone up way more than salaries so you owning your own property ever might be out the question once u have finished travelling 😬 just thoughts.

As long as your parents are ok…f everyone else!

I don’t want my boys to ever move out, considering a double extension to make sure there’s room for wives 🤣

enjoy your travels!

Some families genuinely do this.

I would say the biggest barrier right now is your salary. It would be much easier to save and travel if you earned closer to the average UK wage. Unless there is a good reason to, I would look at prioritising career growth. Until then, you may need to lower the number of holidays you go on.

I am sort of in a similar position to you, but I have money saved from my PGCE. I have to rethink my career plans, but I have some money, so I am not starting from scratch. I go on a holiday every year with my partner. I would go more, but I don’t want to lose deposit money.

I can understand feeling like home ownership is out of reach, but it is important that you work towards this for your own stability. If you are worried about missing out on travel, make a travel priority list and go to the places you most want to see.

Of course it’s the same poster. I suspected it straight away with 26 & living at home. Then the F1 thing confirmed it.

I thought this too. And it’s not just that OP is defending herself, she’s coming across as rather arrogant - as if HER way is the right path and just sneering at everyone else who’s tied themselves down.

Of course, OP can’t see her own phenomenal privilege. Firstly she’s got a very affluent family who are able to house her comfortably at home without putting pressure on her to move out. Secondly, she keeps pleading poverty and seems oblivious to the the fact that her family owning five houses ensures her future will be secure.

No issues at all with you travelling OP. Nor with still living at home.

I do think you’re short-sighted not to be making any plans at all.

And you’re incredibly tone deaf to rock up and point out how you’re doing life the right way while pointing out how boring/wrong/naive others are, while you’re in a position of extreme privilege.

My DC will probably be at home with me for life (SEN) and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My DM and stepdad live in the annexe. My family are the epitome of multigenerational living. The setup really works for us - so I’m the last person who would criticise this kind of lifestyle.

Enjoy yourself OP but you need to understand that not everyone has the security you’ve been afforded - and it’s pretty shitty to act superior when you e been handed everything on a plate.

Wonder how the wives would feel. That would definitely be a no no for me to marry someone who is still tied to mummy's apron strings and and actually move in there also

I think everyone has different aims in life. Mine was to save for a house and have a family and just be happy. But then I hate travelling 😂

As long as your parents are happy with you living with them for the rest of their lives and you are paying your share of the bills, there's no problem with it at all.

It's a decision to be made between the three of you and nobody else's business.

My daughter is 30 and has no plans on ever moving out. She's happy with this arrangement and so are we.

My other daughter lives with a friend and she's struggling financially.

Absolutely this.

I didn't move out of home til I was 33 (pearl clutching horror). My parents were happy with it, I worked full time, I paid rent, I travelled, had weekends away, had a fantastic social life. I am now married and had my children later and do I have any regrets? Not a single one. Life is for living and if you and your parents are happy, it is nobody else's business

I'd be travelling now if I did it again whilst you are still young enough and healthy enough to enjoy it.
I travelled a bit when I was younger but then got the house, kids and husband. I now want to start travelling again, but am older. If I waited until I retired I probably wouldn't be healthy enough to do anything, so I am planning on reducing hours and spending all my money now, so just what you are doing but in reverse.

Go for it - you only live once

But isn't this always the case with AIBU? Nobody wants to get YABU, and if they do get it they feistily defend thenselves. Personally I don't see anything wrong with her lifestyle. A lot's being made of the 5 houses, but I don't think they exist. She just got pissed off with all the criticism and so decided to take the piss.