I’m 26, and I’m not saving for a house or planning to move out

[WeCouldBeNice]

And apparently that’s a very unpopular decision amongst certain family members.

I have grown up always listening to my mum and grandmother saying that they regretted not travelling more in their youth. So I’m doing it, before I can have any regrets.

i work a job that pays just under £25k. Moving out would be miserable. I’d exist to pay my bills and nothing more. I am unable to borrow enough to even purchase a flat in my local area. So I’m spending all my money on travelling instead. Short trips. Weekends away and longer European trips next year.

my older brothers are horrified by this (despite both doing it themselves). They think I should be moved out and renting by now.

my dad turned round to them yesterday and asked if they wanted to ever see their daughters struggling and unhappy. They obviously said no, so he asked why they expected that of me. They couldn’t really answer.

theoretically I could take the money I’m putting into my travel savings each month and use it to save for a house. But I’d never get a big enough deposit to allow me to buy anything even anywhere near decent to live in. And I’d then be bound to a mortgage and never be able to do anything other than sit at home.

is it really that bad to do this?

What does that mean though? Genuinely? You have to have a high paid job to be an adult? I’ll go tell the nurses and HCAs I work with that they aren’t adults. What an elitist comment.

@WeCouldBeNice

if you’re telling the truth, then you need better friends, Op. they sound like right wet wipes. Who will probably still be living with mummy and daddy when they’re 40 (which presumably you don’t want). What about Meet up? Joining some clubs that kind of thing? You need to meet more people

I go alone. I’m always making new friends and obviously I hope we’ll travel together but I also do just enjoy travelling alone?

At 26 you're still young and your parents are still probably not that old many people are still living at home at that age. I will say though that it will be good for you at some point to move out and find out who you are living fulltime outside of that family dynamic. I moved out for university and never went back for years but when I did for a short time when myself and DH moved back up here to buy a house (he lived with his family) I did feel myself regressing a bit and shifting back into that old family dynamic, which is fine when you are a child or teenager but it isn't healthy for an adult. My sister stayed at home with our parents and is still there now in her late 30's and it hasn't been good for her development or mental health. Our parents are getting on now and while its great she is there for them it is as if she is mentally becoming old before her time as well and I've seen the exact same thing playout with other adults I know who have stayed at home well into adulthood. I also think you can be close to the there for your parents without living with them.

I'm not saying it can never work but in general within our society and culture it seems to impede people growth as individuals. Having said all that I do understand that financially many people have no choice.

OP, I think if you want to travel and live at home then fine but it would also be wise to start saving to move out as well.

DS is still at university. A number of his peer group are already living independently with their partners.

DS can come home after he finishes at university although I don’t think he will. But if he did come home I would be expecting him to be looking towards the future and independence

Yes, what would happen when you get a BF or HB?

You don't get to call people elitist when you live with your wealthy Mummy and Daddy so you can follow formula 1 around.

To be an adult, you need to earn enough to be self-sufficient and pay your own way. HCA (or any minimum wage job) is not a sustainable long term job for an independent adult as it doesn't pay enough to survive. It's something you do whilst retraining or whilst you have young kids at home or as a stop gap to make ends meet.

Qualified nurses don't have to live with their Mums. They can afford to move out. Not if they go on multiple holidays a year.

I'm guessing rural Wales. Every farmer around here has half a dozen holiday houses. An awful lot of young people seem to be quite poorly educated and everyone looks ancient at 40. On the plus side she might find a husband because all the young men seem to live with their parents too.

Yeah I think you’ve just latched onto this thread to be a bit of a dick to be honest

My son came back after graduating uni but once he secured a job he and his gf lived together. They’re 22 and already launching successfully. They are taking their saving money to buy seriously and have set up a LISA. I feel really proud of them. They are always welcome to live here if they need to but for my son that is Plan Z.

All the more reason for young people to make the most of life while they're young.

Well I think you started it to be a bit of a dick to be honest.

Co-opting the very real struggles of your generation when you don't have any of them is not a good look.

Why do people feel the need to criticize and offend adults who live at home with their parents?

Is it envy?

OP, do what's best for you and for the people you care about. Be happy and make the people around you happy as well. Always do research and think well before going through any decision.

This is the case in my family. I have three younger adult siblings who have well-paying careers, work remotely and still live at home with our parents. They help out with household chores like laundry and cooking. They don’t pay rent because our parents don’t see their children as tenants. Instead, they cover their own expenses and take care of all the bills, which is a fair arrangement everyone agreed on after thoughtful discussions. My siblings travel and have fun. This setup lets our parents enjoy their retirement funds without anyone, aside from the ever-eager government always trying to grab more and more, taking an unfair share.

As someone who loves to travel, and has recently just bought a house after living with parents - I would say that I wish I had saved a little more when I was younger towards housing costs (or just in general).

I didn't have much hope to get a house to be honest, nor came from a comfortable background, which meant that I didn't have the motivation to even bother saving, then when I suddenly realised that maybe it could be within my reach if I wanted it, I had to make choices (at older than you) which meant moving back with parents.

While it's fine, when you're younger, at some point you will want your independence and you're in a position now to save some and travel. The years of your late twenties will fly by and suddenly there will be people who are doing both: have the house and are travelling, because they have had bank of mum and dad to rely. Or you might meet a partner who has saved some, and you’ll get want to be able to contribute as well.

Even if you just put a little bit of your travel money towards rainy day/housing funds in a cash Isa or doing some investing, you will see the money grow and still be able to travel too!!

By the time @WeCouldBeNice reaches retirement age it's could be 75. I've told my youngest and partner to go out into the world as often as they can. They've done short breaks all over Europe as students. They're abroad now on a shoestring holiday. Son finishes his masters next year. Like his older siblings he may well head abroad for the next six to eight years.

The world has changed.

I’m slightly jealous of your parents. I’d love to have my sons still at home. They were a great help around the house and I loved their company.
be mindful of your future as middle age creeps up faster than you think, but enjoy being young with no responsibilities and enjoy seeing the world while you can

Do you have romantic relationships?

I guess there's nothing wrong with your plan since this is what you want to do and your parents facilitate it.

My daughter is four years younger than you and makes double what you do. But she is very driven and wanted a certain life and lifestyle for herself and worked hard for it at uni and now at her well paying job. She does the travel and the saving both, so she's not tied to my apron strings.

What does that have to do with anything?

What you describe isn’t travelling, it’s holidaying. Travelling is about absorbing the culture of a place, getting involved with communities through working, volunteering etc. There’s nothing wrong with what you do but it isn’t travelling, other than that you have to travel to get there.

My point is that you’re having fun but you aren’t really growing as a person. It’s a childlike existence. Building your own independent life is important, and you don’t seem to have a plan for that.

If living with your parents works for you all, great, but I wonder if you’re just avoiding grown up life and will stay at home until you meet someone to take over from your parents.

The bottom line is that OP can live a life of freedom because she has wealthy parents who indulge her and will bail her out whenever needed. She is their baby girl and daddy is saying go girl, see the world! She knows that and that’s why she can have this attitude of not saving and multiple minibreaks. She is being disingenuous. It’s not typical of other 26y olds.

Why do people feel the need to criticize and offend adults who live at home with their parents?

A lot of people still have the mindset that if it’s not what they are used to, then it is wrong.

I think it’s very relevant. If you have romantic relationships you want your own adult space. If they're not on your radar you are more likely to be ok staying under your parents roof by choice, as you approach your 30s.

'envy'??

Good for you! Life is for living and especially in your 20s. There's plenty of time for the drudgery of rent and bills.

It is so lovely when parents and children get on so well they still want to hang out or live together. My lads are 22 & 25. They don't live with us (we are in the country, they are in the city) but they visit lots and come on holiday with us etc. If we move back to the city they have each said they would want to move in with us so they have more disposable income for fun.

My 16 year old wants to go to our local uni so she can stay living at home.

My three are each strong & independent people, we don't baby them and all get on really well. I feel very lucky.