This is so sad. People always aim their sympathy at the child in these circumstances but I feel sorry particularly sorry for the DH. I know it’s not entirely the child’s fault (I say entirely, as while I don’t doubt she has additional needs due to her condition(s) we also don’t know how severe they are, nor if she’s been given too many allowances to misbehave due to this, which has resulted in what would typically be classed as “bratty” behaviour).
I have friends in this exact situation, I’ve watched this unfold for years. DD is out of control and outright vindictive, appears to gain pleasure from other people’s stress and discomfort from her behaviour. She has hit me before. She also hits, bites, and laughs at her dad when he appears to show signs of breaking down from it all. It’s an extremely sad sight to witness a grown man being dragged down to such depths, and I don’t usually feel sorry for men!
Dad now after all these years can’t stand her and has given up, but most of all he feels resentment towards his wife who hasn’t been strict enough with her and undermines him infront of her when he attempts to discipline. This is the biggest problem of all, the mum would use her ADHD to excuse it, and wash her hands of the responsibility of parenting. While a firmer approach wouldn’t solve all their problems, I imagine it would help even just a little, and rid the DH of his resentment.
OP, obviously I’m not accusing you of this. I can’t, as I don’t know you, your story is text on a screen. However does any of this seem familiar at all? Do you think there’s any possibility your DH could feel you’re not a team, or disagree with your methods? Sometimes feeling a strong sense of unity with your spouse makes the world of difference despite what’s happening around us.
To everyone gunning for the DH- just remember he’s human we all have limits, and if this was a woman at her wits end due to her child’s behaviour, we’d be offering support and kind words.