Page 21 | My husband is giving up on our 7 year old daughter.

daddywoe · 2025-10-05T20:28:04+00:00

We have 3 children and our middle one is autistic and has ADHD. Dh is stressed and struggling with her and today he told me he doesn’t love her. He has always been such a hands on dad and we’ve always said how we need to be a team and get through the tough times together but he doesn’t care anymore, she tells him she hates him and doesn’t want to talk to him and he just said fine, I’m done with her. I can see that he means it, he doesn’t care anymore and I think he’s ready to give up and walk away. I feel helpless, I need him because I’m struggling too.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 10:13

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 10:04

This isn’t to say that I don’t have the utmost empathy with families with disabled children who are being pushed to breaking point. I’ve been there. Our family has been torn apart by DD1’s behaviour and additional needs.

Our relationship with DD2 (13) has been completely destroyed, and she’s now living with my DSis and her family, because from her POV we didn’t keep her safe from DD1. Now that she’s away from here, she’s saying that she was always very afraid of her.

So I very much agree that families of disabled children are left very isolated. But what’s needed is more support from the various agencies so they’re not pushed to breaking point. Things would very likely have been very different for our family if we’d had the necessary support.

@LizzieW1969 I'm sorry to hear that things have reached crisis point. I know that you have been working hard for a long time to help your Daughters. It's very traumatic.
I hope you are doing okay.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 10:30

RubySquid · 14/10/2025 09:11

Her older kids were not abused They were loved and cared for . Don't know why you are even suggesting she's abusing her kids. I know these kids They are verywell brought up.

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I think abandoning their sibling based on the sex of the baby is abusing their emotional wellbeing and showing them that they might be excluded from her lifetime one day, if they cause their DM displeasure.
"Sorry kiddos, it was another girl/boy left it behind at the hospital". 😅
Perfectly normal.👌

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 10:56

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 10:13

@LizzieW1969 I'm sorry to hear that things have reached crisis point. I know that you have been working hard for a long time to help your Daughters. It's very traumatic.
I hope you are doing okay.

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@EmeraldShamrock000 thank you for your kind words. Yes, it’s been traumatic, and I have to accept a lot of the responsibility, as my mental health has been poor because of my traumatic past. Plus, my DH and I didn’t see how much DD2 was struggling; we could tell that she had anxiety but she seemed to be coping. Until she stopped coping.

At the end of the day, we were so focused on DD1’s needs that we lost sight of how much DD2 was suffering.

Thankfully, she’s doing a lot better with my DSis and her family. DD1 is doing well at her specialist college. So things are better for both of them, but the relationship between them is non-existent now, which is desperately sad considering the fact that they’re birth siblings and we adopted DD2 so that they could grow up together.

RubySquid · 14/10/2025 11:23

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 10:30

I think abandoning their sibling based on the sex of the baby is abusing their emotional wellbeing and showing them that they might be excluded from her lifetime one day, if they cause their DM displeasure.
"Sorry kiddos, it was another girl/boy left it behind at the hospital". 😅
Perfectly normal.👌

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well they weren't excluded and are now happy sucessful adults. So just stop with your whatabouterty

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 11:43

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 10:56

@EmeraldShamrock000 thank you for your kind words. Yes, it’s been traumatic, and I have to accept a lot of the responsibility, as my mental health has been poor because of my traumatic past. Plus, my DH and I didn’t see how much DD2 was struggling; we could tell that she had anxiety but she seemed to be coping. Until she stopped coping.

At the end of the day, we were so focused on DD1’s needs that we lost sight of how much DD2 was suffering.

Thankfully, she’s doing a lot better with my DSis and her family. DD1 is doing well at her specialist college. So things are better for both of them, but the relationship between them is non-existent now, which is desperately sad considering the fact that they’re birth siblings and we adopted DD2 so that they could grow up together.

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Please don't think you are responsible, you were a victim too, over the years I have seen you strive for the girls, putting their needs first, you're a very intuitive mother, from your experiences. 💐

I'm glad they're doing well. Their relationship might grow as adults with the distance now, none of us know what the future holds, we can only do our best, you're only one person splitting yourself in 4.

It's sad when siblings are overlooked by a needy DC. There is nothing you can do. My Dsis hated me and our youngest Dsis, growing up, we're all very close now, she was overlooked.

Now it is time to look after you. Be kind to yourself.

LizzieW1969 · 14/10/2025 13:40

EmeraldShamrock000 · 14/10/2025 11:43

Please don't think you are responsible, you were a victim too, over the years I have seen you strive for the girls, putting their needs first, you're a very intuitive mother, from your experiences. 💐

I'm glad they're doing well. Their relationship might grow as adults with the distance now, none of us know what the future holds, we can only do our best, you're only one person splitting yourself in 4.

It's sad when siblings are overlooked by a needy DC. There is nothing you can do. My Dsis hated me and our youngest Dsis, growing up, we're all very close now, she was overlooked.

Now it is time to look after you. Be kind to yourself.

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Thank you so much, once again. And yes, I do have hope that my DDs’ relationship will improve as adults.

I’m very glad it’s improved for you and your 2 sisters and that you’re close now. Sadly, my DSis and I were estranged from our DB because of our past, there’s just too much water under the bridge. (My DM keeps trying to change this.)

Sibling relationships can be restored, but not always sadly.