to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Just that really.

I worked really hard for 15 years before the DC to establish my career in law. There was a certain amount of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting.

I did work PT while they were growing up, but now they are nearly grown, I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing.

Your career didn’t come before your children. As you’ve said it yourself, you work part time. I know plenty of women in law who didn’t miss a beat and carried on as if their children didn’t exist. Including one partner whi managed to have children despite working 3000 chargeable hours a year. You very sensibly didn’t give it all up and now you’re not staring down the barrel of wondering what on Earth to do with your life now that they’re growing up.

WFH and flexitime now makes all that possible for a great many without the loss of income.

Part time and full time is all becoming very arbitrary when the spectrum is as wide as working 10hrs a week to 60hrs a week + weekends. Commuting, industry, shift work, etc etc. all feeds in to so many different scenarios.

And if it’s not ‘financially and technically doable’? Does that mean these parents don’t put their kids first?

Not tearing anyone down. I'm glad the OP is happy with her choice. Just not sure why she had to go online to show off about it and parts like this are pretty disparaging to women who haven't managed to keep their successful career "I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing."
To be fair I feel the same way about women who make smug posts about being SAHP too. I have no idea why people can't live their life the way they want (if they're lucky enough to be able to do so) without going about telling everyone how their way is best.

Horses for courses.
I carried on with my career, went back FT at 12 weeks twice, no real regrets but still have twinges of guilt - however my daughters have done exactly the same as me so that helps.
Would I have gone back to work if I’d been absolutely loaded probably not.

Well absolutely if you can work flexibly and do the same hours to accommodate your kids that’s also a great option.

If you can’t then you can’t, and there’s no judgement attached to that - I’ve been there myself, my daughter did full time nursery for a year from 2-3 as I had no other option at the time.

Just so you know some mothers are putting their children first by going back to work. By providing for them and making sure they still can if their relationship breaks down and they are suddenly parenting alone. It isn’t being selfish or prioritising your career (though funny this accusation is never levelled at men) to see that being financially independent is looking after your children.

I think you have to do what make you happy; for some is being a full time mother, others working part time and others climbing the corporate ladder.

I do feel sorry for children whose both parents have full on demanding jobs and their kids are passed constantly from hand to hand. The majority of couples I know have a parent who steps down a bit if the other have a very demanding job. Or they have both parents with normal 9 to 5 jobs and who are very present in their kids life.

I was able to go part time and keep my career and independence. It seems it was similar for you. I did not climb the corporate ladder though as DH has had a demanding job. No regrets though, our children wellbeing and happiness comes first.

Couldn’t agree more! I would never dream of being anything less than an independent woman. You never know what the future holds. I want my own career, my own pension and to be a role model for my children.

What's the point of having kids if you don't want to spend time with them? (And who cleans the loo?)

comments like this are so inflammatory. Working isn’t about avoiding your kids it’s about being able to provide a higher quality of life and modelling a good career and balancing priorities. It’s perfectly reasonable to stay home if you can fully afford it without the need for benefits etc. but it’s also perfectly reasonable to want to continue your career.

What this thread demonstrates is that whatever choice one makes, there will be some who've made the opposite choice that will tell them they chose wrongly.

I don't think either choice is wrong
in anyway. What I resent are those who ultimately ended up making the wrong choice for them but will try to find any possible way to put the blame for what ultimately was their own decision at the time.

When it comes to hindsight though, there are many more posts about mothers who look back and regret not having given their education and/or career more priority than posts from older women saying they wished they'd given up their fulfilling and lucrative career to be a sahm.

I am probably lucky in that my entourage consists of mums who all worked in some firm of career. I've never heard one regretting it. We've all seem to have managed to balance the two well. The only ones who probably suffered some for it is ourselves, not our children, but now that we are in our 50s and 60s, with well adjusted adult children, we talk about retirement and enjoying it to the full. I have never heard one saying she regretted her decision not to give up her career.

‘God what a fucking goady post’ is tearing someone down and is certainly not expressing that you are happy for someone.

There is nothing offensive or smug about her OP. She’s simply saying she’s happy with her choice when the choice can be difficult and she received pressure for it.

It’s just a forum. People chat about all sorts and it’s not all that deep. And your annoyance seems to stem from your own grievances rather than OP’s actually words.

And your own sense of achievement and connection to enjoyment in life. Parents don’t cease to be humans who also matter.

Agree and like I said, I’ve used nurseries full time and DS goes now 2 days a week purely because he enjoys it.

People love to be offended on here.

So those of us who worked never cuddled our babies?

This sort of sanctimonious comment is why SAHM get a hard time on here.

Sounds nice. You worked part time and had a partner. You obviously live in well off circles. I don’t know how law is. However try being a single parent working full time in a profession where they want you to work like you don’t actually have kids. The novelty wears off. I mean if I won the lottery I would not work to keep a part of me. I would just quit work.

I essentially gave up my career. But I was a divorce lawyer and fucking hated it.

I am lucky though- I had a flat I rented out so that meant I could step back for a while.

I just feel so grateful every single day that I had the option to do as I wished. No being stuck in a job I hated working for a firm that was toxic for people who were frankly arseholes.

I don;t much care about what other women decide to do other than hoping that most people have choices and are happy.

I think thats great. Its good to hear people happy with things. O also think its probably nice for people in the thick of it to hear that its worth it.

I did lose my career due to being made redundant at just the wrong moment in my children's life basically.

But im still me, im still standing. I found another type of work that worked for me. Im not lost.

Everybody's circumstances are different.

I couldn't prioritise my career with a DH working long hours, often abroad (for considerably better salary for the effort), a child with additional needs who hated the usual childcare options and no support network.
Someone consistent had to be there to care for the children.

The women I know who have maintained their career progression all had local family of the right age range and didn't have to put them into nursery/ ASC for every moment of those working days.

I reached a point where I felt like I was burning the candle at both ends, and in the middle, no one's needs were being met, and my salary eas

My DCs are now at a life stage where childcare isn't an issue and I have work that is convenient to both mine and their needs.

I do not regret my choices, and think they were optimal for our set of circumstances.

Other people have different situations and need to prioritise differently. Different incomes, local economies and family circimstances open and close different opportunities and choices.

Plenty of women are sahm and then reestablish their careers and are fine.

Each to their own.

I have always worked full time btw for financial reasons.

I'm glad I didn't sacrifice my kids for my career.

Some of these responses are crazy. She's not said anything to suggest she put her career above her children, she was just able to maintain it whilst having kids. I also don't think it's shouting from the rooftops or protesting too much or anything either, it's actually advice I'd give new mothers to maintain their career.

Mine took a hard knock when i had kids and did sahm for a bit. I didn't really realise it would. Now I've managed to revive it but it was tough. If I'd maintained it through kids it would have been an easier time. If my husband had up and left during that time، I'd have been in big trouble.

Also, in the op's situation, her kids are now teens and don't need her as much. It's great she has the career she's cultivated still to focus on and take her onwards. We all need goals and motivations in life. These can be connected to kids or careers or hobbies or whatever else. But kids do grow up so better to have lots of goals and not just kid related ones.

Childhoods were fleeting? Because you missed so much of them
You feel your job is a "part of you". Pretty sad to define yourself so much by your work.
What nasty comments.
I do think often those who love and value their careers make more of a priority to continue work. I understand if your job is stacking shelves or admin in an office you may not say it’s ’part of you’ and not understand how it could be for others. I’m a nurse- I love my job. I love my patients and get a profound sense of satisfaction from doing a good job. It’s less important than my role as mum but I worked hard to get where I am and it is ‘part of me’. So don’t feel sorry for me!

Your parents saw you achieve the grades needed for law school, work for 15 years in a career in law THEN thought you should give it up because you had children? That wouldn’t have been entertained by me for even a split second!
Imagine saying that to a man.

I think sometimes SAHM don’t realise you can do both. I adore my kids, have loads of time with them and always have done while maintaining work. No one is sacrificing anything here!

I'm glad I gave up but then realistically I had no choice. Many women don't.