to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Just that really.

I worked really hard for 15 years before the DC to establish my career in law. There was a certain amount of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting.

I did work PT while they were growing up, but now they are nearly grown, I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing.

I was happy to step back and be a mum for the first 5 years of my kids’ lives. I’m now part time in the career I had before so it’s worked out ok for me. I’m not top of my game as I would have been without the break but I have 2 happy settled kids.
its so unfair that women have to make that choice though. A friend of mine in her 60’s went straight back to work weeks after giving birth. She had a nanny and worked long hours. She is a wonderful lady but unfortunately her adult kids now resent her for not being around much in their childhood. I think that hurts her but she had such a great career I’m not sure she wouldn’t do the same again if she could

Good for you. But how would you feel if someone wrote the post “so glad I didn’t sacrifice my kids for a career”. 🙄

I think we all do what we believe is best for our family at the time. I am if an age where only about 10% or so went to university and a career was often considered to be a profession, like law, medicine or teaching and most other people had jobs! ( Not saying agree, just that's how it tended to be). When I had my children, the rules around maternity leave were very diy, for a start, you had to have been employed for two years by a certain point in your pregnancy and as I had been with my employer only 1 year 10 months, I wasn't entitled to have my job held open. I was happy to be a sham mum for a few years, but I don't think was smug - it was tough financially and I find a weekend job to help out. I went back to work in a different, term-time job once they were older. That was right for us at the time.
Both my DILs work full time. One has dcs, the other doesn't. My DH does the childcare (he's retired, I'm still working) and that works for DS and DIL.
It does sadden me though, that for many couples, it isn't a choice anymore, it's a necessity.

Not every mother in not every circumstance. I read someone describing being at home with small children as tedious and lonely.
gGeneralisations are far from helpful.

People on this thread have …

Yes because of the op’s post!

This was the conclusion I came to!

I did the early years when my career took a backseat now DH’s career has taken back seat while I work.

I have found someone always needs to be more present imo.

I’m not entirely sure they’re comparable statements.

Either way there’s no need to judge either choice. We’re all just doing our best.

i find being a mother very stressful and hard. I’m prefer my job to being a mum (90% of the time!).

i have friends who see it the other way. I’m glad for them. I’m happy these days everyone gets to have a choice.

I think it depends on your career and earning potential.

If you’re in a career that isn’t ever going to be high earning then leaving a few years to be a SAHP if you choose to won’t really impact much. If you’re high flying ££££££ career that is fast paced you may well be better keeping it.

As with all things there are so many factors and personal feelings about how worthwhile you find parenting against how you feel about earning in a good career.

There’s a big difference between a mundane job and a satisfying career.

I had a15-year baby break but managed a career of sorts afterwards, returning to journalism and rising to editor of a (v small) provincial newspaper before retiring at 59. I was desperate to return to work - any work at all really - and was lucky enough to be taken on by my old firm. Twenty-two years later, I was desperate to finish! However, I did achieve a professional qualification through a very part-time, and totally different job, that I took in retirement. All-in-all, I'm content with how it all - and my three children - panned out.

I don't think there's a one size fits all. Personally I was incredibly happy to work PT and be there for my DCs when they were growing up. For me, the fact that childhood passes by in a flash is more reason to be grateful I could be around to collect them from school, take them to football training, just kind of know where they were at etc. I didn't want to outsource childcare. Now my sons are at uni I'm putting more hours in to my career. I'm in a creative job – I don't have the career structure of law which I could imagine is a bit all or nothing. I'm happy with the choices I made.

I'm in the minority here but I do think that if you decide to have children then one parent needs to be there to put them first

I work so my children have a roof over their head and food on the table - how is that not putting my children first? Do people really think women work so we can spend all the money on hats or something?

And again! I say nothing about not working. You're the umpteenth person to have a pop at me. It's nothing to do with whether you work or not (I did) just about availability.

Totally agree. Wonderful to be a SAHM and beneficial for children BUT very risky. You never know what will happen in the future… divorce, bereavement etc, so it’s always good to keep your hand in in the workplace as there does come a point where it becomes very challenging for a woman to earn well and be successful in a career.

There's been plenty of threads started by SAHM's happy that they gave up their careers. What's the difference?

You responded to and disagreed with OP who says she worked part time and didn't say anything about never being available - that's probably why umpteen posters read it as 'working means you're not putting children first'.

Of course they are!

“im so glad I didnt sacrifice my career for my kids” and “im so glad I didn’t sacrifice my kids for my career.” Both very goady and unnecessary.

Urgh this thread is disgusting. So many pro SAHMs completely omitting to mention that the only way they can do it is because another adult is bank rolling them. Not for me. I am 'mothering' by paying the mortgage, school fees, holidays etc AS WELL AS nurturing, being there etc. And the only way I do that is having worked so hard to get the level of flexibility I currently have. I didn't work my arse off to shake maracas in some church hall. And those who are saying they'll get back into it after the kids are at school - you never had a career in the first place, you had a job. Also, as PP pointed out, the 'ideal' of Dad going out to work and Mum staying home happened for a few short decades (when many women were so bored out of their brains, they turned to valium) - women have historically worked and parent spend more time with their kids now than in history!

Any threads like that are quickly shot down. As they should be.

But mumsnet is very anti sahm so these threads are seen as more ‘acceptable’.

Same. Twenty years, partner, done. Like a lifetime ago.

could not be less interested in being called out to a police station in the middle of the night or representing children in family cases where parents have tore them apart.

Are they? Not the ones I've seen and if anyone tries to say anything, they are quickly met with ''everyone is mean to SAHM's''. Plenty of people always agree with the OP.

I’ve never been a SAHM because I’ve needed the money from work. However, although my job is progressional and reasonably well paid I don’t get even an iota of the satisfaction from it that I do from parenting. My DC are 13 and 10 and I still feel like that! I do both, but work is secondary for me

They wanted to have the children one day a week each so they could spend time with them as our weekends were family time. Had they not offered I would have used nursery for the full 4 days, their days lookong after the children didn't enable me to work as I would have worked full time irrespectively.

I can reassure everyone that my kids would find a version of me that didn't work bloody horrible to live with and the worst of all worlds. I've never climbed a corporate ladder, I've done 'social good' in my career. But so what if I did?

Also! I much prefer older kids. Mine are pre teens now and infinitely more interesting than toddlers and I have more flexibility from pushing through. I work with quite a few women who cut their mat leave short to come back to work because they were depressed. Parenting's a lifelong gig, they need you differently at different times. No parental help here either, I'm mid 40s and my parents still work FT.