to be glad I didn't sacrifice my career for my kids

[FunnysInLaJardin]

Just that really.

I worked really hard for 15 years before the DC to establish my career in law. There was a certain amount of pressure to give it all up and be a SAHM.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting.

I did work PT while they were growing up, but now they are nearly grown, I am so pleased to have my work and career as the bit of me still standing.

I m so glad I didn't. My DC are now 15 and 20 and I have realised that that period of their childhood is so fleeting. ..... all the more reason to be there for them!?

what - by being all nicey nicey? Sometimes naive people need it telling to them or they won't listen. Oh course it will never happen to me.

Thanks for all of the very many comments. I realise that I am very fortunate to have been able to continue my career part time with no loss of status, or judgement by my colleagues or partners at work. I have always felt valued by the firm I work for.

My OP was I suppose prompted by realising that my DC are now starting to make their own way in the world, that their childhood passed really very quickly, and that I am so glad to have a life outside being a mum.

I am also very fortunate to have been able to spend so much time with them while they were little but still keep my career on track.

We were also lucky that DH was a teacher so he got to spend all of the holidays with them.

Not all careers can survive a prolonged career break. It’s not always to do with how good you are at your job - but nice try at adding in yet another insult to working mothers.

And I’m genuinely interested in what people think the houses of working parents are actually like because the way some of you talk it’s like you imagine we never, ever see our kids. It’s bizarre.

and also very glad that we can afford to support both boys through uni. That would not have been possible if I hadn't carried on working

Do you genuinely think working mothers aren’t there for their children?

I’m at the stage where I can see my time parenting will be ending in the next 5 years (not kicking dc out at 18 but aware they will need me less at 19 and above).

friends are all at similar stages and I have to say, I’m glad I’ve continued working. I went part time when they were very little but from juniors up I was full time. Being senior I enjoy flex to support teens that I couldn’t get in a more junior role and obviously the money is better.

Like a previous poster commented, I work so we don’t need to worry any finance and can support dc with car insurance/lessons/laptops. But overall, the mums in my friends struggling are those seeing their dc grow and not having much left for them outside parenting. One friend in particular is a graduate and had a good job pre children but gave it up and now does admin and cleaning on minimum wage. Her confidence is through the floor and they struggle financially. It’s hard to see but those were her choices.

I struggle to understand what sahm do when dc are at school (unless dc have additional needs). I co run the house with dh, we both work full time and I completed a post grad diploma over 2 years at Exeter uni, getting a distinction. We have a cleaner once a week but otherwise do it all.

That fleeting period of time is exactly why some people choose to not work though. You never get it back. I'd personally much rather have those memories when I'm on my death bed than Colin from accounts making yet another pass at Maureen by the coffee machine.

What sucks atm is how hard the job market is for women to get back into it. That's a patriarchal problem, not a women who want to raise their kids problem.

Ok. Well I mean employment. And no, it’s not really working both ways on this thread.

Exactly this. 'Being there' for your children does not equal being glued to them 24/7. If anything I believe I am 'there' for my daughter more by teaching her a good example - that she too has to work hard at school and get a job and skills that will allow her to contribute to society, just like the boys in her class do. Not just hook a man who will bank roll her through her adult life.
I am there when I am needed, and family time is sacred. No, it's not 24/7 but it doesn't need to be.
Oh and she wasn't the kid clinging to me howling on the first day of Reception.

It never occurred to me to give up work and become a SAHM. I worked hard for my career and genuinely feel like being a parent gave me insight into work related issues that I hadn't fully appreciated before.

Even though nursery was expensive, especially when DC2 started, DH and I agreed that I wouldn't be a SAHM. I worked part time, it gave the DC best of both worlds: time in nursery helped them socialise more than I would have as an introvert who struggled with other parents at groups and classes, and they had time with me too in the days I didn't work which also cut the nursery costs.

I never felt like I was giving them away or missing their childhood by working.

I had a lot of comments from my mother and MIL about the poor babies being sent to nursery as though I was sending them to jail. And other family members who became SAHM and said they thought it was the only way to give their child a good childhood.

Now DC are older, I am back full time and in a job that I wouldn't have been able to secure if I had been a SAHM. I am glad I kept working, and my DC are pretty decent kids who enjoyed nursery.

I don't judge others for choosing other paths. This worked for me, I know women who regretted working but had no choice, others who regretted SAHM and again others who had no regret in their work or SAHM choice. My thoughts don't really matter.

At the end of the day, society isn't going to Fail because mothers work.

It’s no harder for mums returning than anyone trying to a job at the moment. 100s of online applications are the norm for youngsters. It s just the world has changed since you were last employed and has nothing to do with patriarchy. Probably more agism.

local govt is a good place to start as we really do chose the best person for the job. But we don’t have the time to hand hold and teach applicants how to use Teams or excel etc. We have employed returning mothers but they usually have taken a couple of years out. Not 15 years. The office is very different to even pre covid.

Why do you feel the need to undermine women jobs? You’re assuming that they are meaningless and that women (always women, never men) are choosing meaningless office politics over spending time with our children?

Why can’t people acknowledge that an individual working in a job (any job) is contributing to society and to their family. And that some of us are doing jobs that directly impact YOUR lives and your children’s lives.

If you choose to be a SAHP then that is a choice you are fortunate to be able to make. Why the need to put down women who make a different choice to you? Being a SAHP doesn’t make you a better parent, you’re just doing it differently.

I would work for free if Colin From Accounts worked there 😁

SAHM option - at home everyday after school but smaller house in a poorer area, no holidays, all the house work to do, after school clubs limited. So basically working in the house for the same number of hours as going out to work.

Back to work- grandparents do the after school run to clubs, no need for an early bedtime to get jobs done so get the evening with DS, cleaner does the majority of the house work, can out source ironing, at least one holiday per year, DS has a game room and we have a large family garden (hot tub, outdoor kitchen, garden room etc) which now DS is becoming a teenager he loves to use with friends.

He is at secondary school so leaves the same time as us and is back maybe an hour before if he doesn’t walk into town with friends after school. I’m glad I went back as my career is at a point where I can take unpaid leave to have the holidays off when he will actually remember them. He doesn’t remember the early years when a lot want to stay home.

That’s me too :) love my job but kids come first for me. It’s for such a short time, they grow up so fast. Loads of time for career :)

I didn't stop working when I had my dc. My dh would have preferred I did and all of his friends' wives gave up their careers when they had dc. Fast forward 15 years and one of the other mums who had given up her career has been recently upset about it because it's now dawning on her as her twins soon leave for uni, that she doesn't "have a reason" anymore not to work. During the conversation her dh pointed out that she'd chosen her dc over work and I'd chosen work over my dc. I do not like that framing of things. I expect it from men (like him) but not from women. Did my dc go to after school club. Yep. Until they were 9. Did I ever miss an assembly / show / parents evening. No. Did they have to do their own homework with no support? Nope. I was there doing it with them (still am). Did I miss any important milestones? No. I was there for them all.

It's just grim that we're still seeing these tit for tat conversations between women in 2025.

Huh what? Colin Firth?

I'm in.

[puts glasses on.... realises misread the name..... backs away]

sadly not, I'm talking about the dog with wheels for back legs!

What's puzzling OP and presumably not your intention, is your posts come across as if you think you have made the right choice, like there is one right choice, without appreciating that everyone's experience is different. I does come across quite smug sorry.

It's great that you have no regrets about the choice you made.
I agree that the time they are so young is fleeting and that is why I made a different choice (was a sahm for a number of years). I also have no regrets.
I think we are the lucky ones because we had a choice.

Why assume a woman can only have a tedious job in an office so soul-sucking that the only interest is Colin and Maureen? What about varied, interesting, meaningful jobs? Doctors, teachers, writers, researchers, journalists, social workers? Or an office that's stimulating, fast-paced and engaging?

I've had quite a number of jobs and never loved any of them - so it was a very easy decision for me! Being a SAHM is by far the best thing I've ever done and I'd have been shit at trying to juggle a career and kids anyway. DS is 19 now and I don't regret a second, still would rather not work now even though it's only part time.

😂😂😂 so you think women who work aren’t putting their dc first? I’ve not missed one assembly or any daytime parent invites to school for my three dc because I’m senior and can work flexibly. Dh is the same. Lower paid part time jobs are far less flexible in my experience. I did a year in a school so got holidays off but had to beg to have sports day. That’s when I moved to full time normal job. Just because I work ft doesn’t mean I didn’t chose a career to fit with my dc and “put them first”.

Good for you (genuinely mean that).

I have also found working part time while the kids are small to be the best of both worlds for me.

I do recognise though that there are many reasons why carrying on part-time isn’t possible for everyone - not least because a lot of employers make it very difficult.