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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have ended it over this?

113 replies

Ubspp · 04/10/2025 21:23

I probably am being dramatic.

DP of three years has always said he didn’t use Facebook or Instagram. Tonight I brought dinner in and saw him on it. I said oh are you back on social media then. At this point I didn’t think much of it and he started talking about reading the local area update on it. I do the same thing so that was that.

Around half an hour later I just said we should connect on Facebook and Instagram as it feels a bit strange not to. He then went into detail about how he doesn’t use it, why would I want to do that and he’s a private person etc. He basically refused to connect with me. This then made me feel confused and upset (I realise that sounds like I’m a 13 year old!). But something in me just switched and I asked him to leave. He said he didn’t want to but eventually did.

I haven’t heard from him since. Thoughts?

OP posts:
whataweekImhaving · 04/10/2025 21:25

It’s easy to say you’re being “childish” because it’s Facebook / instagram…..but it is strange to refuse to connect and I would feel similarly to you.

Original poster
Ubspp · 04/10/2025 21:29

@whataweekImhaving i feel really degraded. I don’t k ie why I us bothered me so much but it really has

OP posts:
whataweekImhaving · 04/10/2025 21:31

Do you think he’s hiding something?

Or is he just somebody who likes to make a stand about things for the sake of it?

Becuase if he really does just use it for local updates, there is really no harm in you being connected and it’s strange for him to make such a stand about it.

WallLight · 04/10/2025 21:34

You ended an otherwise happy three year relationship because he wouldn’t let you see his Instagram?

BlueberryLatte · 04/10/2025 21:34

It's really weird of him to refuse to connect with you. It does seem as if he's hiding something. It could be something quite innocent or it could be that he's married or in a relationship

Yanbu I think. I'd also find this suspicious

startingagain17 · 04/10/2025 21:35

I would think he’s hiding something xx

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 04/10/2025 21:36

Well he has something to hide doesn't he?

Beanie567 · 04/10/2025 21:36

He doesn’t want to be linked to you in public. So yes, pretty upsetting. Why isn’t he proud of your relationship?

Goldfoxwife · 04/10/2025 21:37

Clearly hiding something then it's strange and I wouldn't accept it

GivingUpFinally · 04/10/2025 21:50

Tbh I'd feel the same way. I have Facebook and no other social media platforms as such. I haven't logged into Facebook in over 5 years but if my partner specifically asked to connect on it, I would because I don't have anything to hide.

He was physically on it, I don't see why he didn't just say add me....

I'm sure he will breeze over with some lame excuse or another. Or cleanse it and then offer to add you.

ArtichokesBloom · 04/10/2025 21:52

Very odd behaviour. He is either hiding you from people or hiding people from you.

FuzzyWolf · 04/10/2025 21:56

If you search for him on Facebook does he come up?

JLou08 · 04/10/2025 22:08

He is clearly hiding something. I can't think of any other reason for him to conceal social media from his partner of 3 years. People may decide not to add work colleagues if they are private people but you don't do that to a long term partner.
You've not been dramatic or immature. I think you've handled it really well actually.

winter8090 · 04/10/2025 22:19

Why not just connect with you even if he doesn’t use it?
Trust your gut feeling. It’s strange.

Bobiverse · 04/10/2025 22:21

Have you met lots of his friends and his family in real life?

onpills4godsake · 04/10/2025 22:27

He was either ashamed of you or planning g / leading another life

you did the right thing

Never2many · 04/10/2025 22:28

He’s had a lucky escape.

Seriously I can’t believe the majority of people on here think you’re not unreasonable for ending a relationship over facebook. The world has gone mad.

Incidentally, if he wanted to hide anything from you on there it would be easy enough even if you were friends on facebook. He would just exclude you from seeing the posts he didn’t want you to see. I do it regularly, with certain members of my family, and yes, my DP. And the reasons are varied.

CopperWhite · 04/10/2025 22:31

I have an instagram account but don’t particularly want to connect with people on it. It’s there for me to look at random crap, not to provide connection. So I completely understand how your DP feels. He just chooses to use social media differently to you. It’s not a personal snub unless he has loads of other people on his account except you.

If it is just him using an almost redundant account to look at anything he might be interested in, then honestly, I think this is a weird thing to get so controlling and upset about.

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 04/10/2025 22:31

Yep, weird. At the end of the day, social media is a huge part of normal everyday life day life now, whether the luddites like it or not. It’s incredibly odd to hide a social media profile from your partner and refuse to be “friends” or “followers” on there. Particularly if it’s not some kind of mutual decision.

Loconos · 04/10/2025 22:33

YANBU

Not only did he lie about it consistently over an extended period of time but even after he was caught out he was still determined to not have you on it which is suspect.

I imagine there are other things that have happened to make you question him and you’re now joining the dots.

Anyone who thinks this is ok has very low standards.

Shitshowcentral · 04/10/2025 22:33

Cheeky and suspicious. You’re right and good for you!

Leilaandtheloggerheads · 04/10/2025 22:34

CopperWhite · 04/10/2025 22:31

I have an instagram account but don’t particularly want to connect with people on it. It’s there for me to look at random crap, not to provide connection. So I completely understand how your DP feels. He just chooses to use social media differently to you. It’s not a personal snub unless he has loads of other people on his account except you.

If it is just him using an almost redundant account to look at anything he might be interested in, then honestly, I think this is a weird thing to get so controlling and upset about.

My DP doesn’t follow anyone on insta, but when he got with me he followed me back. Why on earth wouldn’t he? 😩😩😩

If that’s actually the case and he’s just using them to browse, with no friends, then why not tell her that 3 years ago? What would be the harm in accepting her follow request or following her back? Why would he not want to see her updates?

If he’s not posting himself, there’s nothing for her to see so what’s the harm? Sounds more like he’s being secretive.

Loconos · 04/10/2025 22:38

Ubspp · 04/10/2025 21:29

@whataweekImhaving i feel really degraded. I don’t k ie why I us bothered me so much but it really has

Listen to your intuition Op. Something isn’t right with this one.

So when I did OLD if a man asked me for my instagram I’d decline because as I said to them “IG is for family and friends not men I haven’t and might not ever get to meet”.

But I never lied about it! And had we been in a 3 year relationship I’d have added them no bother.

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 04/10/2025 22:38

I'm not really on SM, but I do have a FB account under a random name for local groups so I can see what's going on occasionally.

I absolutely wouldn't want my dp connecting with me on there, there would be no point, it would then highlight that account because he and I would be friends on there which I dont want, and I would find it weird if he made a big deal of it tbh.

Unless you have suspicions about his behaviour, I think you're being a bit daft.

zaxxon · 04/10/2025 22:41

This is nuts

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