To have ended it over this?

[Ubspp]

I probably am being dramatic.

DP of three years has always said he didn’t use Facebook or Instagram. Tonight I brought dinner in and saw him on it. I said oh are you back on social media then. At this point I didn’t think much of it and he started talking about reading the local area update on it. I do the same thing so that was that.

Around half an hour later I just said we should connect on Facebook and Instagram as it feels a bit strange not to. He then went into detail about how he doesn’t use it, why would I want to do that and he’s a private person etc. He basically refused to connect with me. This then made me feel confused and upset (I realise that sounds like I’m a 13 year old!). But something in me just switched and I asked him to leave. He said he didn’t want to but eventually did.

I haven’t heard from him since. Thoughts?

Agree with this. I dated a man who asked to find t on Instagram and j told him I don’t use it which is true.
He then found an account I set up in 2016 when my DS was 11 to follow him because he asked me to and accused me of lying about having an account. I had 3 posts on there from nearly a decade ago and forgot it even existed!

Is he super private? My partner only uses X and we don’t follow each other on there even though we’re both active users. I also know he doesn’t like being plastered all over my Instagram and FB so I keep photos minimum. But he also worships me so I know it’s not a me thing. Maybe he just doesn’t want his ‘business’ online at all. I know it’s a strange concept in our times but a lot of men don’t like it.

That sounds like me and FB except the year was probably 2017 or 2018.

I haven't deleted my account because it's sometimes useful for following certain artists, booking restaurants (especially abroad) and every so often an event invite - plus there are FB pages I need to be able to look at for work. But I don't post, I don't read my friends' posts, I don't spend any time on it beyond getting in to do the logistical thing I need to then getting out, and there isn't a chance I'd be adding anyone new on it.

In 2025 I want to spend as little time and thought as I can on social media, and to have as little connected to my personal life as possible on it (obviously for everything pre-2018 that ship has sailed). This isn't an unusual approach any more.

So what’s your reason for not believing him?

Is it more that you want to be able to show people on your SM that you have a partner with a name?

I use Facebook instagram and tick tok for killing time and random scrolling
don’t connect or friend anyone (new ) and no interest in seeing what random shit other people have liked or been tagged in

ideally I’d clean out friends list but as this post proves people are complete knobs with SM and if you de friend someone it’s a drama

you’ve seen his profile had a scroll through found absolutely zero to be bothered about

if he did want to cover his tracks he could accept you on SM and restrict your profile so you would be none the wiser with tags and like

@CopperWhite because what does it matter if we are connected on it?! I was never planning on posting anything but his reaction seems very strange

What ages are you? Does he have an ex he’s trying to hide you from? Seems a bit bizarre and childish on both sides.

So why is that a problem for you? Why do you need to connect to someone you share a bed with in SM? I honestly don't get it

Multiple posters have explained why it might matter. Algorithm showing you to other people, any connection on social media sucks you into more connections, many people are consciously trying to minimise the time and thought they give to social media. Those are the reasons I wouldn't accept someone new.

So why does being connected on social media matter so much to you? That's the more important question.

@Hundslappadrifa we’re 30s. I agree it’s childish. I don’t think it’s normal to have hundreds of connections on social media but not your partner, whether you use the account or not

I'm not sure why you would end a relationship over someone not wanting to connect on SM?

Either there's a backstory or you are massively insecure.

Are you worried he’s hiding a wife and DCs?
Otherwise he may be keeping SM use light. Why do you need to follow each other if you see each other every day anyway?
Life before SM

Did you notice the dates he last posted on it? That would be your answer, surely.

It’s correct he doesn’t use it, that’s clear. I just can’t get my head around having hundreds of connections and not having your partner?! We also have one dc!

That sounds reasonable to me? But I had to check whether I followed my DH on Instagram (I do) and on FB (I don’t). I don’t follow any of my siblings or most close friends. I’m not hiding anything, I just like to keep things very manageable.

Once again. I have hundreds of FB connections from when I used it between 2006-2018. Then I stopped using it because I wanted to minimise my usage of it. I do not use it to connect to new people or even to my old friends. I don't want to do anything active - commenting, liking, making new friends - any more. I want to be invisible and inactive. THAT is why I wouldn't connect to anyone new. Is it that hard to understand?

You have a child together??? And you broke up over this? Good lord.

You have a child together and you’ve ended your relationship because he wouldn’t follow you on FB? This has to be a wind up surely?

@TwistedWonder sadly not. We don’t live together but we’re planning on doing next year. I don’t feel I can trust him

As I said upthread I feel this incident is just one more thing that has made you distrust him.

Why do you not live together already if you have a child? Why aren’t you engaged or married?

I really think there’s more issues at play. Has there been suspected or actual infidelity in the past?

For what reason, though? You clearly had a conversation. Did he not give any justification other than ‘I don’t want to’? Even after you were clearly extremely upset?

If so, this whole situation is just really really odd. Social media aside, what’s communication like in your relationship? Clear, honest and respectful? Do you feel listened to and heard? Like you can have productive conversations?

I think you’re taking this too seriously. I wouldn’t end a relationship over this, unless I had evidence that he’s up to no good. Honestly, this isn’t the end of the world. Just wait a couple of weeks and you’ll probably laugh at the very idea!

OP is being very tight lipped but I don’t think we are hearing the full story. Considering they have a child and don’t live together, I suspect this incident is more a symptom of a a wider problem than the whole story.

This could be resolved so easily by actually listening to what he has to say about it and making an effort to understand (not persuade!) how he feels about it. Then he has to do likewise.
You both sound so jumpy and defensive. Just LISTEN to each other without making assumptions and jumping to conclusions.

So he does have friends on there, but won’t add you? I’d also have a problem with this, even if he’s not doing anything untoward on there, what is it he’s holding against you to keep saying no? What difference does it make to him to add you? It’s just odd all round.

I get where he was coming from I think. I still have Facebook and Instagram but haven't added new connections for years - now I use them for following local businesses and community updates etc. I've no interest in posting updates and not many friends seem to either. I guess if someone was having hissy fit about being added as a connection I would but would wonder why it was so important to them.