Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Didn't mind darling or love but detest bless you, I find it really patronising.

I agree with you OP.
Patients should be asked what they want to be addressed as

I think it's the fashion at the moment to say Aw bless, particularly amongst younger people.

I don't mind someone calling me love, or even cocker (as some do up here) but I really hate anyone calling me a guy! You guys makes me cringe. I also find hun pathetic.

@Fionasapples. I agree with you about ‘you guys’. It has always been another term for a man until people started using it in this way. I am not a man or a guy - I am a woman.

Well to me the contextual richness of language is one of its joys, but I accept views may differ on that.

For example, "rudely". One word, but so many shades of meaning, depending on the context.

Isn’t there part of the UK where it’s more common to call people “my lover” even if you’re not having sex with them? Somerset?

some of this could be geographical variation, here everyone calls you duck. Men get called duck as well. Freaked my London friend out when he moved here.

It’s just ridiculous to be bothered about someone calling you that IMO! Hardly offensive is it?!

I raise you "mum". "Are you mum?" To me that means somebody is asking if I am able to speak. So many times I have been tempted.

Are you Sophie's mum has an entirely different meaning.

"You mum" is even lazier.

Many many years ago, when ds was in hospital as a baby, DH arrived as they were doing the ward round. One of the Dr's acknowledged him and said "you dad?". DH shot back "yes, his not yours". The Dr apologised but I'm pretty sure that if I'd said it, I'd have got the eye roll instead of an apology.

I've only had 'are you mum?' when my child's been really unwell and in hospital, at that point this was a person explaining that they were treating baby dc for sepsis, didn't give a shiny shit how they addressed me, just that they were helping.

It’s because they can’t remember the name of the kids they’re treating as they’re running from one patient to another and are juggling remembering actual medical history and details. Sadly but understandably sometimes the patient’s name is the least important thing about them. Yes in an ideal world it would be very different. I think unless you’ve worked front line nhs it’s hard to comprehend what the work load can be like in some departments.

I like it, particularly in a caring/carer role.

I’m originally from the North West although I’ve lived down South since I was 22 so I really notice the different when I visit my mum who is still there.

Where I grew up shopkeepers, tradespeople and even random strangers in the street when you asked for directions would call you ‘love’, ‘lovie’ or ‘duck’. When my stepdad needed end of life care, the nurses who cared for him daily called him duck and said ‘aww bless him’ . They were warm, kind, thoughtful and friendly and gave him wonderful care and the thought of us being offended at him being called those names would feel like we were insulting them. I would say that the shopkeepers etc who also spoke in that way were also really kind and friendly. I generally find that in the South, these relationships are more formal.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love it down here and I don’t want to move back, but I do think that addressing people in that way is usually indicative of a generally caring attitude and a desire to be friendly and helpful (it would seem to me to be difficult to be mean and uncaring to someone whilst calling them darling!). And believe you me I have come across some terrible attitude and lack of care in my time, particularly in the NHS sadly and I’d take being called ‘darling’ by someone younger than me ten times over if it meant that they had a warm, compassionate attitude to go with it!

i agree with above message “ everyone does it from the north “ in the small villages everyone speaks to each other when out and about, in the citys its harsher and folk dont even make eye contact, such a shame folk go thru life without the niceties and pleasantries and general care and compassion, keep up the darlings,love and bless yous, its called comfort x

Yeah scumbag nurses, don’t use words that are consistently used when being nice to someone, cos you never know when the recipient will refuse to see any other reason or meaning than you’re a) lazy, b) patronising, c) can’t remember anyone’s names or d) just generally unprofessional.
in spite of you doing your job, get one flipping word wrong and you’re obviously terrible.
Fuck’s sake, a person can choose how they view this, they can just view it as someone trying to be nice, and move on with their day.
For every person who finds this bad, they’ll de dozens who find it nice.

It saves having to remember names, unless it's for something important like administering meds, and saying 'aw bless' as a standard response means they're really not listening to you because their heads are full of other stuff, I say this as a retired Nurse. On one of the ER A programmes a few weeks ago an elderly lady was coming in after a stroke, the Nurse receiving her said' oh is this the stroke? Isn't she cute' I was furious, it's simply not acceptable 😡😡

For goodness sake why on earth are they being nice ...cannot believe what l have just read. Some people will moan about anything. Not everyone can remember everyone's name, they do their best...

It is rather patronising. I don't like being called 'darling' or 'sweetheart' etc by anyone. It makes me want to tell them to stfu which would be very rude & (unless it's a boy), disproportionate. All children should be brought up to not call people they don't know by these familiars. I was but it seems to have gone right out of fashion.

Yeah, it’s really time consuming 🙄

Youe Dh was being a dick though wasn't he?

It's very clear "are you mum" means are you this child's mum. The child is the patient, and they are the one often that has to be made to feel comfortable, because frequently they maybe going through scary or painful procedures. The child will call you mum or dad. In your case the child was a baby, but its not bad practice to say "are you mum" as it involves the patient in the discussion, rather than talking over them.

So why can’t they say “are you her mum” or “are you his mum”?

It was weird how as soon as I became a patient in a nightie lying down looking up at people in uniform looking down at me, it was as though to them I'd lost at least 20 IQ points!

So easy for outsiders who have zero knowledge of a working environment to complain about such trivialities. We have become a nation absolutely addicted to complaining.
Your friend needs to get a life.

I work with lots of nurses, and I have noticed that whenever they say something horrible they always follow it with, ‘aww bless’ as if it exonerates whatever horrible thing they’ve said. To be fair to them, it’s a really taxing job and often that banter is the only way you can survive the job. But, they should never say it to real people. It’s like they’re ignoring whatever the person saying. Real gaslighting. “ I hate having breakfast so early. At home I don’t have it till 10 am.” Nurse: “ah bless.” Walks off.

Honestly get a grip. Why are we Brits such a nation of incessant moaners. At most, someone might find being called terms like “love” or “darling” slightly irritating, but it’s hardly worthy of a complaint.

We all know nurses and care staff are overworked, underpaid, and often under appreciated. Of course they’re not all angels, but I certainly I wouldn’t want to do their job. And then people moan about how they’re addressed and consider formal complaints - as if the NHS, which so many of us claim to love, has the time and resources to deal with frivolous, navel-gazing complaints about a nurse calling someone “love”.

The lack of big-picture thinking and obsession with self in this country is utterly pathetic.

I cannot disagree more with this.

At the hands of professionals no child should feel scared or suffer unnecessary pain. There are many many ways to alleviate fear and pain at the fingertips of health professionals.

And no, my DC were not used to anyone other than them calling me or their father mum and dad. Their grandparents used our first names, our friends used our first names, their teachers called us Mr and Mrs , you know, because that's how we addressed their teachers as a matter of absolute respect.

Respect works two ways and sadly that doesn't seem to be understood by the majority of people who work for the NHS.

Funnily enough, nurses and doctors don't do it in the private sector.

It's dehumanising.