Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

Can't see why anyone would be upset over that. I've had a couple of long hospital stays and was rade the nurses did more than grunt at people

I don’t know how long “you guys” has been used in the UK, but in the American Midwest, where I live, “you guys” has meant “you group of people, of whatever sex” since at least the 1960s. Every once in a while when I was a kid in the ‘90s, some girl would get perturbed and say, “I’m not a guy!”, to which people always sarcastically responded with something like, “Hang on - you’re NOT?! But - but I thought - “ I went to an all-girls high school and we said “you guys” all the time.

My husband will say “girls” when calling out to our daughters - “come on, girls, it’s time to go!” - and while I don’t think that’s weird, I never do because girls I grew up with never said that unless it was to distinguish a group of girls from a group of boys. (“Okay, girls on this side, boys over there.”) To me it’s a little like saying, “come on, female children!” Every girl I grew up with would have said “come on, you guys.”

In the grand scheme of things, someone using "darling" is such a non issue. Considering all complaints that are made about nursing homes/NHS etc I wish my only problem with my treatment would be a nurse calling me darling 🙄

Yeah the nurse probably feels like saying “it’s not a fucking hotel, eat it or don’t, i don’t care”. But “ah bless” is probably better 😁.

In an ideal world obviously they’d offer to rustle up breakfast at 10am.

Personally I’d try and apologise but also firmly say that this is the time breakfast is served and that’s that. 🤷‍♀️. We can’t serve meals at different times for different people.

Do you understand how many patients and relatives nurses and doctors interact with on an average shift of 12-14 hours? (At Blackpool Vic that’s average) Hundreds. I don’t care what they call us as long as they make us better.

Perhaps all the doctors will.stop introducing themselves as Dr Super or Mr Fab then, and we can all call them darlin' and sweetheart. That might be fun.

OP can you ask your friend if she knew all the nurses names or did she call them 'nurse'? I rest my case.

It's regional. Oop north you could be pet or hen in Glasgow. Posh southern would be 'daahling'.

When I was in hospital a glance at the board showed what you wanted to be called. I sort of hope they they bother to work out who I am or I might get the wrong treatment.

Not the same, the same would be if she called the nurses darling or sweetheart.

Oh sweetie bless you for sharing that with us. I hope you feel all cared for darling.

I'll take that as conceding the point.

Its a simple word like that, would make me feel cared for and looked after tbh

Anyone trots out "Aw,bless" to me gets a verbal slap it winds me up so much and it's so needless.

😭

@Calliopespa you haven't said if it's made you feel cared for sweetie.

I couldn't begin to get worked up over this, it's just a term of endearment.

When the nurses actually learnt my name and started using it when my son was in hospital, I knew that he'd been in for a long time.

He was sweetheart, darling, love, cheeky chops, little man etc constantly when he was in. I was called darling a lot too as well as mum.

The guy in my local garden centre calls everyone lovely. Sometimes he says "and what lovely things do you want today?" If makes me chuckle inside because he has the enthusiasm of a Butlins Redcoat and a children's entertainer rolled into one and is extremely efficient, sometimes managing the till, taking orders and making lovely drinks all on his own.

I often called them darling or sweetheart or doctor/nurse during my husband’s 4 lengthy stays over the past 18 months because I’m terrible with names.
Same when he was given less than a 5% chance of survival after devastating illness in 2017. He was observed and investigated by so many specialties, many of which I had hitherto no knowledge of, that they became collectively the “ologies”. I may even have addressed them as such at 3am.
Other than his last surgeon, a fantastic gastric surgeon from Bulgaria. She was fabulous and formidable and I will never forget her name. Not that I suppose she would care: saving my husband’s life against dodgy odds clearly meant a great deal to her.
They were all self-effacing, incidentally.
Anyone bothered about what stretched staff are calling them are clearly not that sick.

It can be a step parent, an auntie/uncle, a foster carer, a much older sibling. Working in paediatrics we never assume, as only a child's parent can give consent in most cases, and if we proceed without consent we may be in trouble. Also if not a parent, it may be they don't know the child's full medical history, medication allergies etc and it could potentially be harmful for the child.

I think its possibly a southern thing . I work in the NHS in the north of England my patients are quite happy for me to call them dear, darling or hen if its a fellow scot. One actually said last week it made him feel cared for. They call me by my first name and my consultant colleagues as well. They introduce themselves as Dr Happy Heart but call me Happy. Most of our patients are chronically ill and we work with them to manage the condition so maybe that's the difference.

That's one of the things I found unexpected when my son was in hospital. 99% of the consultants and surgeons introduced themselves as Dr Jenny Smith, just call me Jenny. Though they would often introduce themselves to the children as Dr and first name so Dr Jenny.

It is frowned upon professionally, and the Care Inspectorate WILL pick up on it if they hear it being used in care homes etc. I always call new residents Mr or Mrs until I am told otherwise, and request that my staff do the same (I’m the manager). However, most of the time terms of endearment are coming from a good place from staff who have built up a good relationship with longer term residents, and those who are going through a difficult time. I’m not going to come down on good staff for this. As long as I know there is genuine respect between staff and residents, and that reviews corroborate this, I can’t see the harm.
Residents often call me dear, hen, pet, love and darling and it doesn’t bother me one bit.
It would be a different story if a staff member was referring to everyone as darling indiscriminately, using the awful patronising tone a PP described, or calling all the ladies ‘gran’. There is no place for such disrespect to people who have as much life experience as we care for ❤️

It's patronising bullshit and it isn't just the medical profession that perpetrates it. I've had ",bless" and ",my lovely" from shop assistants, waiting staff, all kinds. I think darling as a term of endearment to a long - term or frequent patient that the nurse knows well could be okay but the blesswankers are infuriating

Haven't RTFT, but I lost my husband in his 40's twenty years ago.
If nurses etc want to call me darling or sweetheart they are more than welcome, it's so long since I heard those terms. Please think about others & not just your own sensibilities.