Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

No, of course it doesn’t. Tell that to the under thinkers on here though!🤣

How is it a term of endearment when it comes from a nurse who doesn't know you from Adam. Unless you are in hospital for a long time they don't know you, they won't remember you.

Isn't using your name friendly?

Make an effort to learn a name if you want to be kind.

When I was in hospital I was asked what I'd like to be called and it was written on a whiteboard, isnt that normal. I thought it was ideal, one lady wanted to be Mrs Smith, someone else wanted Liz not Elizabeth etc. I think that shows more care, kindness and respect than just calling everyone darling.

You can't see your relationship with your child's friends is different to a professional relationship. I suppose that explains it.

Yes, exactly this. I'm privately educated and a graduate. We employ quite a few tradesmen and they all refer to me as love, hen, babs, sweetheart, whatever, depending on their regional vernacular. They also try very hard to not swear infront of me which is sweet as I can swear like a trooper if required. It is their way of showing respect and also familiarity.

People really aren't quite as intelligent as they think if they don't understand the socio linguistics behind this.

I always hear the “bless” as someone who doesn’t actually care but has to say something and it always sounds patronising. I’m sure it’s not how you intend it, but I do always hear it that way.

Exactly, why isn't "that's a shame" enough? What does oh bless you add?

You probably aren't feeling awful, in bed, possibly having intimate things done when your workmen say it so not the same at all.

Gosh @KatyKopykat . What strange standards you have.

Doctors always refer to
parents as mum or dad in my experience. I also call parents mum as I can’t remember all the parents names as well. And I have never felt comfortable calling them
by their first names. No idea why!

Teachers have a class of 30 for a whole year. I can garauntee if that class of 30 was constantly rotating every few days they wouldn't remember their classes names. Nurses will see 100s of patient across thay same year for maybe a couple of days at a time, not the same 80 on repeat. And my lecturers never remembered my name!

I also don't think its a because they can't be bothered to remember your name thing, it's just part of their usual patter to seem caring and reassuring. It doesn't work for everyone, but part of things like nursing is repeating the task in the same way over and over so you don't make mistakes.

They aren't trying to be patronising, someone calling you love or darling when they are caring for you, doesn't mean you aren't intelligent, it doesn't diminish your personality or achievements. They will do it for every single patient

What connotations though?

I'm a man, in my early 40s and was in hospital recently, I got darling and love all the time too. I also get it in the pub, and in shops as well.

It's just what's said in certain parts of the country, it doesn't mean anything, any more or less than mate does.

Teachers in senior schools will teach several class es of 30.

So you don't think it is about being kind, caring etc. Just a thoughtless way of addressing people that doesn't really mean anything.

I completely agree. I'm a lot older than OP's neighbour but find being called darling etc to be friendly rather than patronising. Seems sad to object to a term of affection.

My late Mother used to tell me to never take offence unless offence is definitely intended. Some of these prickly posters would be happier people if they followed this wise advice. Although the Mumsnet problem boards would be much emptier if they did.

“Aw bless” is patronising.

Still keep the pupils for a year, which gives plenty of time to learn their names. Nurses patient rotate sometimes daily depending on the ward.

So what does darling mean in that situation. It isn't really a term of endearment when the patient is a total stranger. it doesn't add anything, saying hello or hello darling to a patient you don't know, what's the point?

Teachers have classes of 30+, lecturers 80+ and use people's names.

TBH that's mostly because they want to retain a degree of authority and using terms of endearment whittles away at that.

If you call someone sweetheart, they are more likely to ask for an essay extension or chatter in class. Names betray nothing of kindness or emotion towards someone: it's just calling a "spade a spade."

Maybe she could have added don't deliberately say something that people might find offensive.

It demonstrates a desire to be gentle towards them.

Terms of endearment are social signals.

This. “Oi, you”, you’d have a point. Dear or Darling, seriously?

Our Director of Adult Social Care frequently used to call members of our senior Leadership Team, including the Chief Executive “my lovely “. That went down well 🤣