Being called darling/aw bless by nursing staff

[KatyKopykat]

I do a cleaning job once a week for a neighbour who's been in hospital, she's coming up 67. She's been telling me that the nurses and hospitality staff all call patients darling incessantly. They all do it and she thought it's part of their training. I'd hope not! Another thing they keep saying is bless/aw bless.

AIBU to say this is not professional? I'm not in my sixties but I'd stop it immediately if anyone said it to me.

I live in the North. I’m perfectly happy with being called darling and if I was admitted to a hospital in the North East they would call me pet. That’s ok too.

I will make a note to call you Southern Jessie’s!

Im with you op. It would drive me nuts

Well said

I’m 67 and I wish someone had called me darling when I was ignored for two days in hospital to the point I was dehydrated because no one brought me water.

Agree

I was a nurse. I hate soppiness, effusiveness, sentimentality. But when I've been really ill I didn't care what they called me - I just wanted everyone to be really gentle and kind.

The Bless and Aw Bless drives me nuts! The receptionists at dentists and doctors do it, as do some of the nurse practitioners. But it's also in shops and all sorts of commercial places. My husband came back from Doctors appointment a couple weeks ago and said he had been addressed thus, he was not impressed. Most of them say it automatically, bit like the 'have a nice day' means nothing but sounds patronizing. We are 68 both tall, lively, intelligent and in full possession of our marbles. I have worked in elderly care and I found the best and most caring carers don't use this kind of performative way of talking to people. If you care about people you make an effort to be polite and make sure you address people with their preference in mind.

Omg !!! If that’s all you haven’t worry about I’ll trade you right now . Did you consider it’s done as theses nurses may be caring for 30 odd patients and can’t possibly remember all the names ? I’m from the north and to be called ducky love or darling is a term of endearment nothing more , we also say bless a lot it’s also a caring endearment not patronising or anything . Chill out

Did you call each nurse and doctor by their names?
Or just 'Hi nurse', 'Hi Doctor'?

Ah Bless, is not used in place of a name most of the time. When I tell dentist receptionist I need an appointment sooner than a months time because I am in a lot of pain from the treatment I had a couple of days ago at a cost of 2k and she replies 'Ah Bless, we haven't got any' that's patronizing.

My dad has very advanced cancer and spends a lot of time in and out of various hospitals. He hates the generic ‘duck’ and ‘love’ because most of the time when people do that it’s not accompanied by respectful care. He’s treated as a generic issue, has usually been asked for the same history information three times or is being treated as a task which needs completing, but the staff probably feel like they’re being caring because they’re using terms of endearment.

In fairness there are sometimes that it’s genuine, you can usually tell when it is.

He always makes an effort to learn people’s names and uses them, even when he’s incredibly unwell and in excruciating pain or in a life threatening situation, he treats people with respect and like adult professionals.

North here. Not just nurses but bus drivers, shop assistants. Basically everyone. I think it’s nice people being friendly 🤷‍♀️

It drives my neighbour nuts. She said it was incessant as she was in for five weeks.

BTW I don't understand the people saying is that all you have to worry about. First off nobody is worried. Secondly why should we only discuss really critical, dangerous or serious stuff and nothing else?

I wasn't the one in hospital. When I had any reason to call them anything - which isn't always needed in all conversation - I used their name. That's why they had a name badge. But using a name isn't always necessary. I don't see the correlation.

I am Welsh and worked in a Welsh Hospital for 40 years . Everyone speaks like this here . It's just the norm . Even outside of hospital it's sweetheart , darling , love , lovely , babes, butt, bro .
l suppose it's what one is used to .

Ohh for goodness sake as a nurse of nearly 30 years, the nurses are being kind nothing else not patronising. I’d be more upset if your friend was receiving poor care. It’s a term of endearment because I’ll tell you there are plenty who are not darlings. Most people would not believe what we have to put up with and the expectations of the general public ohh yeah and the patients. Daily abuse, nothing is good enough, the level of rudeness is of the scale and absolutely no manners. Recently a patient was threatening to grape the nursing staff and their children. We’ve to bite our tongues and just get on with it. Soo if that’s all you’ve got to worry about I’d forget about it.

My mum had a horribly disabling stroke, aged 75, and for the next 15 years was in a care facility. Along with her physical helplessness, she had to endure being patronised like this. She said that it was impossible to have any kind of mature conversation with anyone (she remained as mentally sharp as she'd ever been) , because the carers all talked to her as if she was a small child. It added hugely to her depression.

Likewise my late husband's elderly aunt was in hospital for a very long period after a serious accident. Like my mum, she was an intelligent ex-professional person, and was also driven mad by being treated as if she was five years old.

So many posters on this thread are missing the point
It's perfectly possible to be warm and caring, but to still talk to older patients as fellow adults.

I have a love-hate relationship with these pet names. When you get the tone and moment right, it can be very comforting. If the tone or moment is off, it is the most condescending and infuriating thing.

I'm one of these people who don't see the need to call people anything. I'm not actively avoiding it, but I find is awkward whenever people insist on repeating my name on conversation. If you are looking at me, I know you are talking to me. If you need my attention and the room is crowded, then fine, call me by my name. But if i am in my room and a doctor walks in, wr can nust say hello without names, titles or pet names.

It’a used as most people find these terms endearing, it’s done with kindness not to patronise

nurses and care assistants are so often over worked they can’t provide such individual personalised care to their patients they just have to get on with their job and show kindness

what more do we want from them

I also think that there's a huge difference between a few days stay in hospital having people doing this care for you and being a tad patronising, and another when this is the rest of your life, due to needing care.

In my mum's care facility, the carers absolutely were patronising in tone and talking to her as if she was five.
Yet in my MIL's care home, despite it being a dementia home, the carers were warm and caring but never patronising.

There's a fine line between giving personal care with warmth, and leaving the patient/resident feeling treated like a child. But it's really important to be on the right side of that line.

Paediatric doc here. I call patients kiddo all the time. I often call parents pet and love. It puts my patients at ease. I'm Irish though and we're a lot friendlier though so ?

The trust I work for actually teaches against calling patients by terms of endearment. It doesn't stop some staff though.
Worst I've heard is in the physio department, young 22 year old physios referring to war veterans as "fella", " my little superstar" and on one memorable occasion "pickle". 😳.
I'm really old school and call everyone Sir or Madam if I have forgotten their surname.

See I don't understand this at all. I don't ever call anyone by anything but their own name. The only ones who get called silly names are my pets. It doesn't mean you're weird or miserable if you don't like it.