Colleague sent me message by mistake

[Islandhopper10]

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

Are you the same poster who wore a thong bikini to a work away spa day and couldn't understand why her dp complained? This was a few months ago back in the summer.

Scrunch bum leggings and a waist length tight fit t shirt is unprofessional work wear. Why do think this is appropriate to wear for work & do you really think your colleagues take you seriously dressed like that?

This thread is hilarious. I didn't know those leggings were called scrunch bum leggings but it makes sense. They just need to go straight in the bin. They look awful on everyone equally. I see some around and yes, they do make me look at your arse, but not because I think your arse looks good. I'm there thinking "wtf your butthole must be cold". 😆

It's not ok to send sexual comments about a colleague though. That's just adulting basics.

I just think it was a compliment that you was not suppose to know about. Why should you have to report it to HR.
It didn't say I'd like to give her a good seeing too in those leggings.
I don't think he is a pervert just likeing what his seeing what's wrong with that FGS.The world's gone mad.
If your upset just ignore it.

This.

If you wear the leggings again after this incident then I'd say he was right and wore them for attention. It really isn't appropriate work wear and just because your boss wears it, doesn't make it appropriate. It just means you both don't know how to dress professionally for work.

I'm sure that it was a sleazey compliment, but before considering the nutty "report him to HR/IT" type posts, please bear in mind the following:

Google "Scrunch leggings" to see what the world at large thinks of them (look at images and articles). Although some of the discussion focuses on comfort, more is about whether to go commando and, if you are wearing transparent material, whether it is necessary to wear a thong. (Were you wearing underwear?).

Secondly, it IS plausible that his discussion wasn't sleazy, but a genuine concern about dress code and office standards. Regardless of the truth, should you make a complaint, I am sure that this will be the defence, putting you in the wrong.

Thirdly, there is at least one other person in the conversation, so in any complaint, you will be a lone voice against a common view.

Pragmatically speaking, I would let it drop, but yes, there is an argument to be made about a woman's right to wear what she wants without being ogled, and if you are up for that, then go for it, but be aware of what you are walking into.

It is precisely sexist.

Oh OP 🤣🤣🤣you sound absolutely hideous in every way!

So you are the same as the man who made the comment then. You also look at others and make a judgement on what they are wearing and how they look in it?

If you bum is as amazing as you say it is, that comment won't be the only one made I can guarantee some of the women will be commenting along with men.

Personally, and this is up to you, I wouldn't wear tight clothes that are ultimately for workouts, gyms and running for work - or accept that people will look / talk / say things to each other. Progressive or not people like animals do look and judge people. You've noticed the women in your office are all size 16 and judged they don't wear leggings and if they did a man wouldn't make that comment about them.

See how it works, move on and if you don't like it just don't wear the same combination of tight on tight.

So you wore leggings that literally go into your arse crack and define your (apparently) very nice arse silhouette. And a tight top. So the entire sculpt of your body was on display. In your office. That’s not appropriate even for casual wear.

Your colleague’s comment was to be expected. It’s unfortunate that he sent you the message, but really you put it all on display and he’s allowed to think what he wants about that. So he thought a couple of things. - firstly sexual and secondly wondered why you were wearing that.

I have to agree with him. I wonder what you were thinking wearing that.

I think you would call this ‘internalised misogyny’.

From Acas:

"Sexual harassment can be a one-off incident or an ongoing pattern of behaviour.

It can happen in person. It can also happen online, for example in meetings, email, social media or messaging tools.

Examples include:

making sexual remarks about someone's body, clothing or appearance"

Good grief! One voice against a common view!

So if a gang of guys are all leering at a lone woman that makes it... better?

Yes, if the rest of the office says that there was a discussion about dress code, and a single voice says that it was sleazy leering, then the majority will win the day.

I agree too. But I wouldn't be so stupid as to send a message to anyone about it. We all judge what people are wearing favourably or otherwise but usually keep that to ourselves.

It's not at all "pervy" for anyone to notice the shape of another person and find it attractive. That's what we are all biologically programmed to do.

The law is very clear, though, about what constitutes sexual harassment at work. And it includes making sexualised comments about other people's appearance.

So it's very simple to know what to do if you if you find a colleague hot. Keep it to yourself.

This is entirely dependent on her role at work and is a separate, dress code, issue which should be dealt with by her managers, not commented on by colleagues, texting like naughty schoolboys.

That is not exactly how sexual harassment is policed, and management should not automatically take the word of the majority. A majority could claim something was "banter" but it could still be harassment.

You obviously did know what you were doing wearing scrunch leggings. The only point of them is to show off a nice arse.
The bigger point is, we may all think it but it's not appropriate to say out loud/write to a colleague.

Absolutely. This made me chuckle, so true.

Oh she knew what she was doing - he was absolutely right :)

And I'm afraid that people, women and men will definitely comment to one another when someone puts on a deliberate display.

It wasn't actually that bad a message, a bit unprofessional but she obviously wasn't meant to see it.

OP should take the hint, or shut up and enjoy the attention she wanted.

There's always one

So you were deliberately trying to flatter your ass by wearing clothes that look spray painted on then seem annoyed that someone noticed that you were deliberately trying to flatter your ass by wearing clothes that look spray painted on?
Ok then
He could obviously just see through you as evidenced by his comment

Seriously ?

If you want sonething to happen between you tell him, if not I'd keep my mouth firmly shut.