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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Colleague sent me message by mistake

688 replies

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 17:15

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

OP posts:
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8
TomPinch · 04/10/2025 00:53

I am waiting for the thread in which someone turns up to work stark naked, overhears one colleague remarking to another about it, and asks aibu to report to HR Or who asks aibu to report to HR because they're asked to put something on.

LeopardPants · 04/10/2025 00:55

Have just wasted a good chunk of time reading this hilarious thread!

The next time I have a client meeting I will dust off my shortest body con dress - if any man so much as looks at me I’ll shout “misogynistic dirty old Mad Men perv” at them and stomp off to HR.

But first OP should probably clarify the maximum size one should be to wear a body con dress… 🤨

aperollingintotheweekend · 04/10/2025 00:56

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:24

With respect to my colleagues, and I love most of the ladies dearly. But the average size is probably 16, so I don’t think leggings feature too prominently in their wardrobe!

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So only you can pull them off because you’re not a size 16? Your attitude is grim.
as are scrunch leggings, extremely inappropriate for work, casual attire or not. Yuk

CalendarKelly · 04/10/2025 01:10

At my work, if someone wore scrunch bum leggings they would be told to go home and change.

aperollingintotheweekend · 04/10/2025 01:12

24karatPalamino · 03/10/2025 21:35

Op, I am currently a UK size 8 to 10, with a lovely defined waistline.

And I would not wear those scrunch leggings, even if they were the last thing on earth. I’m not old either. I have long dark hair and tanned skin. I’m a beaut and very happy with how I look. But those leggings are so trashy, seriously. They are cheap looking and indecent.

Now I realise your partner likes them. That might be because he gets to see your arse crack and flaps in them. But this isn’t nice for everyone.

Pervert men will also notice. They don’t think you’re beautiful or desirable in a holistic and complimentary way, it’s again just sexual (hence the sweat emoji).

But is that who you want to attract? It never was for me, but then I’ve never set out to try and impress anyone but myself.

Equally though, I think this thread is either desperate or bollocks. Mainly because every six months or so we get a ‘I’m attracting all this unwanted attention in my everyday, big standard scrunch arse leggings - is it because I’m just so desirable and the men at work (your husbands) can’t handle me’ threads.

👏

fourseasonsinoneday1 · 04/10/2025 01:24

24karatPalamino · 03/10/2025 21:35

Op, I am currently a UK size 8 to 10, with a lovely defined waistline.

And I would not wear those scrunch leggings, even if they were the last thing on earth. I’m not old either. I have long dark hair and tanned skin. I’m a beaut and very happy with how I look. But those leggings are so trashy, seriously. They are cheap looking and indecent.

Now I realise your partner likes them. That might be because he gets to see your arse crack and flaps in them. But this isn’t nice for everyone.

Pervert men will also notice. They don’t think you’re beautiful or desirable in a holistic and complimentary way, it’s again just sexual (hence the sweat emoji).

But is that who you want to attract? It never was for me, but then I’ve never set out to try and impress anyone but myself.

Equally though, I think this thread is either desperate or bollocks. Mainly because every six months or so we get a ‘I’m attracting all this unwanted attention in my everyday, big standard scrunch arse leggings - is it because I’m just so desirable and the men at work (your husbands) can’t handle me’ threads.

Nailed it.

Vitriolinsanity · 04/10/2025 01:31

@Franpieno, I meant that’s where I hoped she worked. I’m trying and failing to imagine getting onto the trading floor in scrunch bum leggings. PR sounds very racy 🤣

Milosc · 04/10/2025 01:57

InformationEnthusiast2 · 03/10/2025 21:41

Then they can advert their gaze. Other people's opinions of her body aren't her problem. People need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves and stop making comments about other people's bodies

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But it's okay for the OP to comment about other women's bodies in her office? How the leggings wouldn't look good on any of them because they are soooooo large? They only look great on the OP and her ass worth dying over? Hypocritical wouldn't you say? 🙄

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 04/10/2025 02:20

I think it's yet another sign that people shouldn't be wearing leggings as a substitute for trousers.

Francestein · 04/10/2025 02:28

I would write in the group chat that you saw the message about your leggings and it’s great to know exactly where you stand. I would also consider hiring a nun’s habit to wear to the next team meeting.

bunnygrav3 · 04/10/2025 03:10

Wow. While im completely behind you on the sexual harassment. The way you're speaking about your female coworkers is abhorrent.

Shame on you.
AND shame on him.

CrystalShoe · 04/10/2025 03:17

I would be really embarrassed, but I probably wouldn't complain. No point making an enemy, and he said nothing to you directly. You can't really police other people's conversations.

I'm old and fat so I'd love to be in a position where I could wear something as tight as leggings and look really sexy - which he must have thought, considering the sweat emoji! It was inappropriate of course, but that's the silver lining!

CrystalShoe · 04/10/2025 03:26

FarmGirl78 · 03/10/2025 18:16

Yes of course we (nearly) all find others attractive, and I've certainly commented on it. But I've never commented on it implying they were dressing a certain way for their day at work with the sole objective of turning on the other sex. You can't see that's sleazy? Sleazy that he thinks OP dresses for his pressure.

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Dresses for his pressure 😂😂 Sounds like the lift-and-separate scrunch leggings raised his blood pressure, for sure!

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/10/2025 03:29

Islandhopper10 · 03/10/2025 18:24

With respect to my colleagues, and I love most of the ladies dearly. But the average size is probably 16, so I don’t think leggings feature too prominently in their wardrobe!

Show quote history

Whoops.
There is no size limit for leggings.

CrystalShoe · 04/10/2025 03:33

BuckChuckets · 03/10/2025 19:52

After reading all of OP's updates, I suspect the colleague wasn't being complimentary, I suspect it's an in-joke they all have about her. She thinks she's queen bee, and they enjoy laughing about her behind her back.

I don't think so - there was a sweat emoji! He thought she looked hot in her scrunchy bum gear!

CrystalShoe · 04/10/2025 03:35

Vitriolinsanity · 04/10/2025 01:31

@Franpieno, I meant that’s where I hoped she worked. I’m trying and failing to imagine getting onto the trading floor in scrunch bum leggings. PR sounds very racy 🤣

Sadly, it's not! I worked in it for years, and it's about 90 percent women and the rest are milquetoast men. Not a job for redblooded men, sadly!

dayslikethese1 · 04/10/2025 04:13

This is fascinating, is this normal attire for PR? I work for a very casual company I would say but never seen anyone in anything even close to scrunch leggings in the office. Agree with pps who say very stupid of man in question to put such thoughts on company Teams/network as it's 100% discoverable/traceable.

aneelli · 04/10/2025 04:31

Was it the leggings that emphasise the bum cheeks

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 04/10/2025 04:48

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 04/10/2025 02:20

I think it's yet another sign that people shouldn't be wearing leggings as a substitute for trousers.

Leggings are specifically mentioned in our dress code as not suitable office attire.

spoonbillstretford · 04/10/2025 05:28

GargoylesofBeelzebub · 04/10/2025 04:48

Leggings are specifically mentioned in our dress code as not suitable office attire.

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Oh, is the OP your colleague?

Cantabulous · 04/10/2025 05:57

I don’t think you should say anything to him as the message has gone, he’ll either deny it or treat your comment as an invite to flirt, but I would be wary of him as a colleague and mentally log the fact that he has no respect for you as a colleague.

Katherina198819 · 04/10/2025 06:32

EmeraldShamrock000 · 04/10/2025 03:29

Whoops.
There is no size limit for leggings.

Show quote history

Well, sure — but they shouldn’t wear that at work. Same goes for OP wearing leggings like that. Whether you’re a size 6 or a size 16, it’s just not workplace-appropriate unless you work in a yoga studio. It doesn’t matter if people see a smooth figure or cellulite — people will notice and talk about it.

What I don’t get is why so many people think it’s fine to have their butt crack or cleavage hanging out, then act shocked that others notice. Wear proper clothing or enjoy the attention: but don’t complain when people react.

We live in this modern “be yourself” culture where everyone is encouraged to flaunt whatever they want, yet at the same time, people are quick to get offended if anyone so much as acknowledges it. That contradiction is exhausting. Noticing someone’s body doesn’t make you a predator; it just makes you a human.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 04/10/2025 06:58

Myrtletown · 03/10/2025 23:27

It’s like a baboon showing off its sexual organs. I’d imagine he was laughing at you

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Yeah this is how we would talk if a man in the office showed up to a meeting wearing lycra cycling shorts or something...just defusing the awkwardness of the unmissable inappropriate wardrobe choice...I'm imagining everyone in the meeting feeling so awkward about it

DrowningInSyrup · 04/10/2025 07:00

GooseAndSandals · 03/10/2025 21:38

Sexual harassment, my arse!

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Exactly. Displaying her arse crack to the office & all and sundry is wat more sexual than this comment & guaranteed she made a lot of people feel very uncomfortable with said crevice. Maybe that should count as harassment. I think she got exactly the response she was hoping for. Aka " She knew what she was doing wearing those leggings"

Neemie · 04/10/2025 07:10

The message that scrunch leggings send is ‘look at my arse’. They are specifically designed to define your arse crack. People do take the piss at work if you wear something inappropriate.