Colleague sent me message by mistake

[Islandhopper10]

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

@Islandhopper10 I wonder if he messaged you on purpose but made it look like an accident. I’d pull him up on it and ask who it was intended for.

This is such a reduculous comment. In the real world if you turn up in a bikini to anywhere other than the beach or pool you are dressing inappropriately. So expect anyone to just turn a blind eye if you dress totally inappropriately is nieve at best. If you wear scrunch leggings which were designed for the very purpose of showing off your arse. What do you expect people to think or say about that. She was in a work place. It was not the place for that.
If he directed the comments at her it would be different, but he sent it to her by mistake and tried to undo his error. Every woman I have know, married or otherwise have made comments on guys and I expect it is the same with guys. I wouldn't care if someone is commenting on me as long as they didn't turn that into a predatory unprovoked commentary. If I heard it once I would call them out, say I read it and didn't find it appropriate. Would see that as the end of it. Of they then continued, then I would take it further.

I work in an industry previously dominated by men. The women before me have worked hard to make us seen as capable equals. I worry if women like you take every comment to the extreme then you will undo all the work those women have done and make us seem like something different and someone to feel wary of for the slightest comment that women themselves make. You push people too hard and make their normal reactions into something to be reported for. You risk fight back.

I find it upsetting the way racism seems to be growing right now. A few years ago, by listening and having the lovely conversations with my DD about other cultures and acceptance, I truly believed racism would die out by the time my DM was of old age. Since then the white people who have taken it upon themselves to deam everyone as racist, they have damaged the cause. They have made people feel uncomfortable around black people and worried they might say the wrong thing. Black people didn't cause that, white people did. I hate that and can see types like you are going to do the same for women. Scary how this county is going really. The guy sent a message to a message meant for a mate accidentally said it to the OP, you think he should loose his job. If women had the same risk, most would be out of a job if the conversations with a colleague / friend is judged

You think someone who works in Goldman or Deloittes would wear scrunch bum leggings (or any leggings for that matter) to work? They’d be escorted from the building! 😂

You know what they say: "If you meet one jerk in the morning, that’s unfortunate. If you meet jerks all day long, maybe you’re the jerk."

But yet the OP deamed all her female colleagues as having the body type that could not wear leggings. Where's your crayons 🖍

How bizarre. Who would wear leggings to work?

I would report to HR with an official request of his teams messages log to be reviewed

OP, I voted YABU
I suspect some of the YANBU voters did so before seeing your dripfed updates.
you wore what you wore, knowing exactly that it would draw attention to your wedged arse.
maybe you should look at your own comments on your colleague’s physical appearance on a public forum.
Don’t worry OP, once day you’ll be older, sized 16 with a saggy arse and you won’t have to suffer feign indignant surprise.

Stealth boasting about your arse making you ex and your colleagues sweat, whilst simultaneously sneering at the idea of anyone of a size 16 wearing what you can wear, is not a good look OP.

Congratulations on your bottom. Now be a bit more gracious.

Yeh, three cheers for her magnificent arse

Nope. I might think it but I sure as heck won't ever say it. And def not on work IT systems. He's a complete idiot.

Ok lay off her, that’s so aggressive

Not on a work IT system, no. I don't know where you work but in the public service that is a huge NO!

Any and all such comms are FOI-able and you always work on the principle of How would this look on the front page of the Sunday newspaper?

He must be a complete idiot.

She wore clothes that were purposely designed to draw attention to the arse.
Normal leggings I'd get it, scrunch leggings not so much.
If he had directed the comment at her while she was wearing scrunch leggings, I'd still get it. Bit he didn't. Was embarrassed enough to tey and undo what he sent, so by no means wanting to make the OP feel uncomfortable. I'm seriously co certained by the level of people who would report this as harassment. It undermines the genuine cases and if there is enough of this, then it will only make it harder for us women in the future.
I repeat though if he had directed this comment at her (and not for a friend) or if it was a repeat insistence, I would support reporting it. Reporting needs to be for the deserved or it will minimise genuine concerns.

I’d forget about it and move on with my day.

I had to look up scrunch bum leggings. Eew - right up the crack, at work all day, while all the blokes letch, just no. Don’t you want to be know for your great work rather than your great arse?

Are you kidding me on? Grow up? I've got 30+ years experience of teaching in an inner-city school. You wouldn't last a day.

There's no 'sexual feelings' here, that's absurd. There was disbelief enmasse that someone would sexualise themselves in a work environment & make everyone feel uncomfortable just because they felt like drawing attention to themselves. It's a work environment. I think she looked ridiculous & attention-needing in her skin coloured attire showing her labia & arse crack.. She can do as she wishes in the street/ gym/ whatever, but to make others uncomfortable is not on.

Take your accusations & live in the fucking real world.

The voice of reason. Love this.

🤣

Awww, I do love the classic mumsnet “fat”-shaming veiled with naivety thread. ❤️

Just waiting for the OP with the good old “I’m not shaming them, I’m just worried for their health and self confidence 🥺”

Ta. It never fails to amaze me the fucking zoomers you get on here- it rips ma knittin'.

Yep. OP doesn't like to hear personal comments made about her body, yet is happy to share her opinions on the bodies of her work colleagues. She doesn't sound very bright.

What does this mean?

Sorry, it's very much a Scottish expression- it means that it pisses you off, ie the way you'd be really pissed off if someone ripped your careful knitting.