Colleague sent me message by mistake

[Islandhopper10]

Our team work remotely but we get together quarterly in person. Yesterday was a meeting in the office in the morning followed by a social so it was casual dress.

I was messaging a colleague earlier back and forth about work matters and he sent something really random and then instantly deleted it but I saw it pop up as a notification so read it.

It said ‘she knew what she was doing in those leggings’ with a sweat emoji.

Now I was the only one wearing leggings yesterday so it was definitely about me. This was at about 3.30 today and I finished at 4 so nothing more was said and I expect my colleague thinks he deleted it before I saw it.

Would you say something if you were me or pretend/forget I ever saw it?

"Hope this helped" the only thing I hope is that people would stop using this pathetically condescending sign off 🤢 it's very tired, now.

So is OP guilty of sexual harassment now considering her comments about her size 16 larger lady colleagues?

I'm reading this with great interest. Last year on an inset day we had primary colleagues join us at my secondary school. One colleague was in beige, scrunch-bum leggings with a tight top. EVERYONE was uncomfortable, including my male friends who said it was difficult to know where to look, as she was presenting at one point - in close proximity to many groups, bending over desks to answer questions etc.

She had been nowhere near a gym on the way either, as she had a full face of make-up & discussed at one point rushing out the door to get to us as she'd mis-timed her journey.

Honestly, folk still talk about it on occasion, as in 'Remember that teacher...' No-one's judging- she did indeed have a fabulous backside- but it was so inappropriate.

We have many young, beautiful PE teachers of both sexes, who wear sports clothing, some of which is tight fitting, but it's worn with a longer top/ sweatshirt- we work with teenagers FGS, it needs to be carefully considered.

Do you not form any friendships with your colleagues? In every single office, or other workplace I have worked, colleagues become like friends and the communication is as such. I have heard far more of these types of comments from women about men (probably because the men talk to the other men and not us women). It is natural to feel an attraction to the sex we are attracted to. It is also normal to offload those thoughts sometimes as a 1 off throwaway comment.
If this guy was repeatedly making comments like this about OP, or if the message was directed to her as in "you knew what you was doing wearing those leggins", then I would be all on board with report the creepy sleaze as that would be harassment.
He made a stupid mistake of sending it to OP instead of his colleague which is no doubt someone he has a friendship with so talks to in the same way he would a friend.
There has been happily married women in work witb me who have expressed attraction to a new male colleague or if a male college come in showing his muscular arms for example in summer that they had not noticed before. They comment. Nothing is ever further said. 1 off fly away comment. No harassment. The guy is unaffected and unaware. Some times I find it cringe, but no harm is done and it is not a repeated comment

Hahaha. That company needs to update their robots — simply having an eye and talking to a friend isn't going to make you a predator.

Hmmmm…. So you wear “bog standard” scrunch bum leggings to work (very questionably appropriate for work wear!!!!) and a tight fit shirt. You also confirm you think you have a lovely bum (No complaint from me there. Enjoy your assets. Dress how you want and accentuate what you want) and that men have commented previously on how they’d like to buried under it (so you obviously do enjoy very much male appreciation). Then you come on here acting as if you’re offended..? Come on! You wore the leggings to get male attention and then had a faux flounce when you caught a man looking/commenting. Your “complaint” seems disingenuous at best. I think whichever PP declared humble bragging was right. I suspect you were probably delighted as it confirmed men were appreciating your assets. Just as you intended.

There is a difference between dressing nicely and dressing to deliberately sexualise yourself. Particularly if you are going to then complain about being sexualised.

If you read my previous comment, I also said the colleague should not be making those comments in the workplace. But the workplace isn't really the place to have your arsecrack on display. Both the OP and her colleague are acting professionally in my opinion.

Not the best turn of phrase but he was basically saying you looked hot in those leggings. And the fact he's said 'she' and not your name means this is following on from a convo they've already been having about you (and your leggings!)

So while obviously a bit sleazy, he clearly said it cos he fancies you. The question now is: do you fancy him? 🤔

Why not?

You really do rate yourself, don’t you 🤣

I thought I understood why you started this thread, but now I realise that I don't. You asked us if you should have a word with him? What were you thinking of saying? Are you wanting to sound him out to see if he really fancies you because you fancy him? Or do you want him to stop swooning over your leggings? I am at a bit of a loss here.

😂

Wow.

when I read your OP I was firmly on your side, but having read your updates, I think you sound as misogynistic as your colleague.

By the way scrunch leggings look gross on everyone - i personally really don't want to be exposed to that much butt crack on full display 😅 - and I cannot fathom how anyone would ever think they were appropriate attire for work.

Right?!

In the eyes of HR, yes it is. I would suggest you stop making inappropriate sexual comments about your colleagues 👍

Scrunch leggings are definitely worn to accentuate the bum! If worn with a tight or cropped top, they make it hard not to look, whether you find them sexy or not. Your colleague noticed, no massive issue here IMO unless you want to make one.

OP has a right to wear whatever clothing she wants, without being sexualised for it. She could have gone into work wearing a bikini and it still wouldn't be okay for her colleague to make sexual comments about her. Not sure which part of that you're finding confusing

What an absolute delight you are 🙄

Since when was a 16 a 'larger lady'?

Or are you just being deliberately goady?

OP has the right to wear whatever she wants, without having sexual comments made about her. Your assumption that any woman dresses for the benefit of men is just fucking gross and misogynistic and you need to just stop. It's embarrassing

Op, I am currently a UK size 8 to 10, with a lovely defined waistline.

And I would not wear those scrunch leggings, even if they were the last thing on earth. I’m not old either. I have long dark hair and tanned skin. I’m a beaut and very happy with how I look. But those leggings are so trashy, seriously. They are cheap looking and indecent.

Now I realise your partner likes them. That might be because he gets to see your arse crack and flaps in them. But this isn’t nice for everyone.

Pervert men will also notice. They don’t think you’re beautiful or desirable in a holistic and complimentary way, it’s again just sexual (hence the sweat emoji).

But is that who you want to attract? It never was for me, but then I’ve never set out to try and impress anyone but myself.

Equally though, I think this thread is either desperate or bollocks. Mainly because every six months or so we get a ‘I’m attracting all this unwanted attention in my everyday, big standard scrunch arse leggings - is it because I’m just so desirable and the men at work (your husbands) can’t handle me’ threads.

Again, truly amazing how many people think that casual sexual harassment and inappropriate sexual comments are just a normal thing. Absolutely baffling. Stop making inappropriate comments on your colleague's appearance. Full stop. I really don't know why this is something you find so challenging

It's still considered inappropriate behaviour to comment on your colleague's appearance, especially in a sexual way, and is absolutely something HR would want to hear about. I seriously don't know what is wrong with you all. This is very basic stuff

What's tired is your outdated idea that sexual harassment on the workplace is a totally cool and casual thing to do. This isn't the 1950s. Maybe you should try growing up and learning to act in an appropriate way at work, if you don't want people talking to you like you're a horny teenager that needs things dumbing down

Sexual harassment, my arse!

I didn’t say she hadn’t got the right to wear those clothes. Knock yourself out. Wear it. I don’t care.
But to take offence at the same time as saying “I have a great arse and men comment about wanting to die under it”….

Really??

That doesn't give him the right to comment on it. Seriously, what is wrong with you? It is no one else's issue but YOURS, if someone makes you horny. Literally just keep it to yourself, it isn't difficult