to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

I can’t see both sides - the couple are being ridiculous. If someone’s parent died while they were at the wedding, would they make the guest sit and eat their food first?!

People can have child free weddings but they do t live in a child free bubble. OP did the right thing - I wouldn’t be apologising or giving it a second thought.

The one who told you is a shit stirer too!

I never understand the "I paid for a meal" attitude.

I had a budget, and my aim with that budget was to feed the people there. Caterers always make extras anyway, and as PP have said, some people won't eat for whatever reason.

If one of your guests unfortunately can't make it last minute, that's not a reason to get pissy because you could have spent their food money on extra glitter for the candle sconces or whatever.

Presumably her son is not the person breastfeeding? FFS, what a pointless and stupid comment

The Band G are not shining themselves in a very good light here.They invited you to witness their marriage and as part of that provided food and drink. Sniping about money that they had chosen to spend is classless particularly in a situation that they had created by not allowing babes in arms to attend.

we were all very young, just out of uni, and had no experience of babies and things at the time. But I knew enough that you didn’t leave newborns.
she was a uni friend so didn’t have a day to day impact on my life.

A lot strange about it. Someone even wanting to bring their 3 day old newborn to a wedding.

and the bride having a massive tizz about it

You would think that someone would be too preoccupied and happy on their wedding day to be fussed by someone leaving to care for their baby - and this was an emergency really, wasn’t it? The baby has to be fed otherwise it’s neglect.

Actually, fuck that! Don’t give it another moment’s thought.

Don’t give it another thought and don’t feel guilty.

these things happen

Id be curious to know how many guests were there OP?

snerk....😆

They are being VVV unreasonable for even being annoyed, let alone letting you find out about their annoyance.

First off, weddings aren’t just about the meal. You enjoyed the ceremony and part of the reception, so it wasn’t a waste of a place. And like you said, it’s just one of those things, EVERY wedding has last-minute drop-outs. You did what almost all mothers would do, and you did the right thing.

I lost 3 of my longest childhood best friends from a similar scenario. Still kills me a little. I left my friends wedding early (7pm) because my 12 week old baby was exhausted from noise all day (it was a very loud party style wedding, not suitable for a small baby!), first child & I was extremely anxious, later diagnosed with ppd. Three of my friends of 20 years cut me off, because apparently I shouldn't have left.

If they have kids in future I think they'll get it. It's harder with a baby of that age to leave them and hard on your MIL.
If they do have kids and I missed it, sorry!

@horchatatresleches don’t know why the best man even told your DP they were a bit put out about the meal. It’s just one of those things. Anything could happen like you said …

Someone asked why MIL didn’t try to settle him and she did. She did everything she could think of before calling but nothing was working. He is as of now the proud owner of a tooth so I think that might have been why he was so unsettled. He’s been off since the wedding and part of me was feeling really guilty that he was so upset by being left by me and his dad it’s carried over through the week but I think it was probably just teething. I think that he has been much fussier and difficult to settle since then is probably why I was a bit concerned with the comments, because I was feeling bad anyway. Hopefully he’ll be back to normal soon.

YANBU. It was very accommodating of you to try to make it work in the first place. I would have invited a baby the age of yours along, and if mine hadn’t been included at that age I would have declined. It was lovely if you to try your best to attend, but actually if your baby needs you they need you, and they come first. Tough, quite frankly. Well done for putting your baby first 🥰 adults should know better than to make you feel bad about that. They will change their tune when they have a baby, no doubt.

I think if you haven’t exclusively breastfed it can be hard to understand - I know I didn’t really - I assumed babies would take a bottle when hungry etc. one of mine wouldn’t so I actually couldn’t leave for longer than a few hours. Starve might have been a strong word but bf babies are also reliant on breastmilk for hydration so it actually isn’t safe to leave them for long periods, it’s not really a choice! Of course they are entitled to have their opinions but that doesn’t mean it’s one that most reasonable people would hold!

They don’t have kids but I probably wouldn’t want to take DS to a wedding anyway. He’s not the type to smile sweetly then snooze in his pram in the corner. He’s the type to eat the flower arrangements, make pterodactyl shrieks and want to be walked around or bounced all day, while super overtired because he won’t sleep while there interesting things to look at.

I also honestly don’t think the best man was trying to shit stir, and while I understand the B&G are a bit annoyed, they’re not raging about it and I doubt there will be any kind of fallout. They head off for their honeymoon tomorrow and DH texted some info they’d asked for earlier (he’s been there before) and I asked him to add an apology for me and they replied saying that these things happen. I’m sure they probably still wish that I’d declined in the first place so they could have invited someone else (and with how it went so do I!). I don’t think anyone is raging and I’m sure it won’t ever be mentioned again tbh. I just wanted to know if I was unreasonable.

You say it was at a small venue

How many guests were there op?

That best man… what a peculiar thing to drop in to a conversation.

Your title says it all, OP: I read it and just thought 'no, of course you're not unreasonable to want to get back to your baby'. You really shouldn't need to justify it at all. When/if this couple have children they'll understand.

Just let it go and ignore any comments. And do it again next time if that's what you feel is right.

Christ, the bride and groom obviously didn’t have a very good time if they’re telling others they were bothered about you leaving 😂 Especially as you’re not even particularly close to them from what you say, OP. How ungracious they sound!

In your shoes I wouldn’t have gone at all! I skipped one of DP’s friend’s weddings over the summer after they changed the invite to be adults only - I was breastfeeding so there you go 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m so sorry, I accidentally clicked on YABU and you absolutely are not.
l wish I left a wedding of a close friend back in the day to get back to my baby but wasn’t brave enough to do so for fear of upsetting the bride (I was bridesmaid). It was a child free wedding and I was expected to do night before, night of wedding etc but drew the line on a gathering night after the wedding.

Years later after she had her children, she declined wedding invites as she didn’t want to leave her babies.

I agree that if you can’t afford to cough up and be gracious if things go awry, don’t spend it. It’s not like OP left cos she got a better offer and if she’d been able to bring her baby she’d have been able to eat her dinner. I dunno if some people think you can just fire the baby in a drawer or something. This separating mothers and infants thing is bizarre.

Some people get on well with their mils 🤣