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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

276 replies

horchatatresleches · 03/10/2025 07:58

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

OP posts:
ShuffleOn · 03/10/2025 11:14

You absolutely did the right thing, op. Please don’t give it another thought.

I’m presuming the bride and groom don’t have kids since it was a childfree wedding? If they decide to have children one day, I think they’ll soon realise how tricky it can be trying navigate things like this with babies.

pusspuss9 · 03/10/2025 11:15

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

you're so right.He just needed to scoot off home and get his titties out.

CantBreathe90 · 03/10/2025 11:17

Wild. So in their minds, you should have left your MIL dealing with a hungry, distraught baby?

Also, their honeymoon can't be that impressive if this is what they're focusing their energy on 😂Traditionally I thought people were supposed to spend it snagging?!

nosleepforme · 03/10/2025 11:19

wizzywig · 03/10/2025 08:02

Also, why is your mil calling you, did she not want to bother her own son?

Huh? She called baby’s mum. What’s wrong with that? Normally mum has a lot more clue of what’s going on with a breastfed baby. Unless somehow her son is nursing?? Lol

TulipCat · 03/10/2025 11:19

They chose a child free wedding, fine, their choice. But I can't stand it when couples make it performatively child free, like they want to make a song and dance about new parents prioritising the wedding couple over their own small children. I bet they wouldn't have "been annoyed" if one of their adult guests had been taken ill and had to leave. Ignore them and crack on with looking after your baby.

CantBreathe90 · 03/10/2025 11:21

Abominableday · 03/10/2025 10:30

I think you did the right thing OP, though I think my own DM or MIL would have done everything they could not to call me up and just to manage the situation for as long as possible.

Maybe she did?

Sassylovesbooks · 03/10/2025 11:22

I went to my work's Christmas party with my husband, and had to leave after we'd eaten because my son wouldn't settle. He was breast fed too, and refused bottles until he was around 6 months old. My Mum tried everything but my son wanted his Mum, so we had to come home. You have to prioritise your child in these circumstances. There's nothing wrong in having a child free wedding but you have to understand that some people may not accept the invitation or a situation may occur and they need to leave early. It's part and parcel of being a parent!! I assume the bride and groom don't have children? If not, and children are on the agenda, then one day they'll realise you had no choice.

Psychologymam · 03/10/2025 11:24

Coffeeishot · 03/10/2025 08:02

Well they had paid for your meal they are allowed to be annoyed about it. But it is done now you prioritised your baby which is fine but they don't have to be ok with it.

They don’t - but realistically if they are annoyed that you choose to leave their party early to ensure your baby wouldn’t starve, they aren’t sane and therefore I wouldn’t give it another thought!

Psychologymam · 03/10/2025 11:26

CantBreathe90 · 03/10/2025 11:21

Maybe she did?

Show quote history

Or maybe the OP especially asked her to call if baby wouldn’t take bottle. That always makes me feel uncomfortable if grandparents choose to let baby be hungry. I would absolutely want to be told if that was the case so I could come home.

Umidontknow · 03/10/2025 11:30

You've done nothing wrong, you respected their wish for the wedding to be child free (rightfully so), but there is nothing wrong with you leaving the wedding in that situation- especially as your child is so young. It's the risk they take inviting friends with very young children to a child free wedding.

Oaktreet · 03/10/2025 11:33

I wouldn't waste much thought over it. They chose to have a child free wedding, you've got a child who needs you, not allowed to bring the child to the wedding so you had to leave. End of.
A few cancellations last minute for unforseen circumstances is just part of hosting a party with 100+ people. What did they expect? Maybe they have no experience of babies so don't understand.

Needspaceforlego · 03/10/2025 11:35

HeadDeskHeadDesk · 03/10/2025 09:47

Of course YANBU. They are annoyed because they suspect you probably planned it this way all along. But look, if a bride and groom insist on a child free wedding and they want the attendance of people with very small children, especially babies, then this sort of thing is the risk they will always take.

They can set the rules for the day they want, by all means. But they don't get to complain or feel hard done by if someone feels they can only attend as one half of a couple, or only able to attend part of the day, or completely unable to attend any of it because of those rules. Guests with children have respected these rules at quite some inconvenience (and often added expense) to themselves. The B&G need to accept that if they make things difficult and complicated for their friends and relatives then occasionally something will not go according to plan.

I hope they get to find out for themselves when they have a baby, how it's not always possible to dance to the tune of other people when the needs of your baby are, and always should be your first priority. They'd have done exactly the same thing in your shoes.

I agree part of their annoyance will be thinking thats what Op had potentally planned.
They might also be questioning why Op didn't return after feeding the baby.

I'm married 16 years we were about £75 a head for meal and drinks in a average hotel. Thats probably closer to £100 now.

Hence I think Op needs to reach out invite them round and show some interest in them. And make it clear how upset she was at having to leave.

MincePiesAndStilton · 03/10/2025 11:44

Presumably they don’t have kids yet. Leave them to it - you’ve done nothing wrong.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 03/10/2025 11:45

Ignore them.
A similar situation happened to me when DS was 5 months old, it damaged the friendship.
Friend has 1 DC now, she can't go to a café for 20 minute's, never mind a wedding.

user1476613140 · 03/10/2025 11:46

Traditional "storm in a teacup" territory this....

afaloren · 03/10/2025 11:48

If you have a child free wedding (which we did) you have to accept that some people won’t come and that there might be issues on the day, especially with young babies. I don’t see what else you could have done OP. Very strange for them to be worked up about it.

JudgeJ · 03/10/2025 11:51

PorkPieandPickle · 03/10/2025 08:03

Presumably her son isn’t the one breastfeeding the baby, and therefore couldn’t resolve this.

Show quote history

Perfect response to a stupid comment!

WalnutsAndFigs · 03/10/2025 12:05

If the couple has children in the future and get invited to a formal child free event, they'll understand and if they remember this, they might well feel like idiots for being annoyed with you. But they're responsibly free and naive right now. Don't let it bother you

TorroFerney · 03/10/2025 12:16

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/10/2025 08:10

Let them be annoyed. That’s pathetic as they’d pay the same whether you eat it or not, and also I’m sure you’d rather have had the chance to eat it then leave. Of course a hungry baby comes first. Awful to invite a breastfeeding mum and not her baby.

Why is being annoyed the end of the world, they are allowed to be annoyed, it’s a feeling not a fact! There’s no impact of them being annoyed is there, it’s not affecting the op. The person who relayed the info is at fault, there was no need to do that, what’s it achieving?

Esmereldapawpatrol · 03/10/2025 12:17

YANBU. They decided to have a child free wedding which they are entitled to do but they have to respect your child comes first and your child needed you.

All the child free weddings I have been to have allowed babes in arms, I don't understand why small babies can't attend child free weddings. They don't cost anything to be there, they aren't running around and I am sure most people would remove a baby if they were crying in the ceremony or speeches?
I suspect the bride and groom don't have kids and don't understand what it feels like to have a small breastfed baby that won't take a bottle.

Cakeandusername · 03/10/2025 12:19

It’s just one of those things. Babies aren’t machines and if he wasn’t feeding then he needed his food source. You can’t leave a baby upset and hungry. I’d put it in same category as someone needing to leave as suddenly got a migraine, things happen.
I bet they will realise if they have own breastfed dc.
I can’t see what else you could have done.

Original poster
horchatatresleches · 03/10/2025 12:20

Needspaceforlego · 03/10/2025 11:35

I agree part of their annoyance will be thinking thats what Op had potentally planned.
They might also be questioning why Op didn't return after feeding the baby.

I'm married 16 years we were about £75 a head for meal and drinks in a average hotel. Thats probably closer to £100 now.

Hence I think Op needs to reach out invite them round and show some interest in them. And make it clear how upset she was at having to leave.

Show quote history

I didn’t come back after feeding the baby because the wedding was 30 mins from MIL’s house (which was DH’s childhood home and this is his childhood friend so would have known that) so an hour round trip to get back to the wedding as well as calming and feeding the baby. If it were closer I would have done and it would have been easier to step in and out, but as it was I didn’t want to leave him again after he’d been struggling without me.

OP posts:
spoonbillstretford · 03/10/2025 12:35

No, YADNBU and they are seriously up their own arses if they have a problem with it. It's not ok to even feel annoyed about it, let alone say so.

spoonbillstretford · 03/10/2025 12:37

Needspaceforlego · 03/10/2025 11:35

I agree part of their annoyance will be thinking thats what Op had potentally planned.
They might also be questioning why Op didn't return after feeding the baby.

I'm married 16 years we were about £75 a head for meal and drinks in a average hotel. Thats probably closer to £100 now.

Hence I think Op needs to reach out invite them round and show some interest in them. And make it clear how upset she was at having to leave.

Show quote history

They need to reach out to contact the OP and apologise. Otherwise the friendship is pretty much over.

spoonbillstretford · 03/10/2025 12:43

If anything, they should be sad for you that you didn't get to have a lovely meal and a relaxing evening.

I had to leave a wedding early once as DD1 was with me but wouldn't settle. My friends were of course fine about it and were pleased I'd managed to make it at all with a small breastfed baby.