to have left a wedding early to get back to my baby

[horchatatresleches]

One of DH’s friends had a childfree wedding last weekend which was childfree. We have a 6 month old and left him with MIL for the wedding. We’ve started doing first tastes of food but he’s mostly breastfed. I left him with a stash of expressed breastmilk, and some foods he likes. We’d tested him with the bottle in the weeks before the wedding and did a trial with DS and MIL before the wedding for a couple of hours which was fine. I planned to leave after the meal and DH was going to stay late into the night with his friends.

Anyway, the day of the wedding for whatever reason DS wasn’t having it. MIL tried everything and he wouldn’t settle, wouldn’t feed either with milk or food and was getting more and more upset so she called me back. This was during the drinks reception so the couple were having their photos taken so I couldn’t say goodbye. DH stayed until the end and apologised on my behalf I had to leave early.

Now we’ve found out they were annoyed I left because they’d paid for my meal and could have used my spot for someone else. I know having a wedding is expensive but I don’t really know what I could have done differently. I do feel bad that they paid for a meal that I didn’t eat, but that’s how weddings go sometimes. I had a couple of people pull out on the day of my wedding who were sick and it’s just one of those things. Obviously DS is my priority and we RSVPed yes for me in good faith and it just didn’t work out.

Hardly a good definition of friends is it ? Just let it go. ignore. It happens.

Why would the couple who feel they were snubbed reach out. They won't know that the mutual friend let it slip.

I definitely think its up to Op to reach out to the couple and show interest in them.

Given the up date and distance I think they way to do it is say the next time they are at MILs to suggest meeting for a coffee or brunch so they can bring the baby.

It seems bonkers to get a friendship go because of a perception.

It seems bonkers to be angry at a friend at having to leave your wedding early for a reason you created by not letting them bring a breastfed baby in the first place and having them jump through all sorts of hoops to even be there.

They should recognise all the effort she made to be there AT ALL and get over themselves.

I wonder if they even wanted her there at all if they were so keen to replace her at short notice if she knew she wouldn't have been able to make the dinner. How delightfully transactional of them.

I can't imagine being that fussed about something like that on my wedding day! I wouldn't worry about it at all...

I think they will realise if they have their own kids how unreasonable they were. I don't think it's worth losing a friendship over on either side. It's not like they've had it out with OP it's all second hand.

in that case, I don't know why they were so bothered about you leaving early. Its not as if you were once of the principle guests like a maiden of honour. If they ask for it to be child free, then unfortunately something like that will happen if your child will not settle.

I doubt the bride and groom have actually spent that much time thinking about it to be honest. I expect they said “oh that was a bit annoying, if we’d known that would happen we could have offered her space to someone else” as part of a general conversation about the day. We all have a bit of a moan sometimes and I’m sure they weren’t planning to hold a life long grudge or anything. The best man was a bit stupid to pass it on to you as not really sure how that helped anything.

I’d just try and forget it and move on.

True. But I wouldn't be contacting them about it, my advice was to do nothing, in response to someone saying that the OP should make an effort. Not necessarily to formally end the friendship herself, just if they continue to be funny about it I wouldn't get in touch and with all the demands of small children it would likely just fizzle out.

I think I would have wondered why your mil didnt bring the baby to you to feed but honestly wouldn’t have spent much time worrying about it. I think you probably could have told them months ago that you couldn’t go but also you could have gotten sick or the baby was sick or any number of other reasons to cancel late anyway so it’s an odd thing to spend too much time thinking about.

Don’t feel bad at all. You did the right thing and anyone else who says you didn’t are being just as ridiculous as your so called friends. Not only for the health and comfort of your child, your own piece of mind and for the relationship you have with your MIL (thinking about their piece of mind too and willingness to help you in the further) YOU TOOK THE RIGHT AND ONLY SENSIBLE ACTION! 💙

Ok do nothing and the friendship will fizzle out.
Put a tiny bit of energy into it and it can continue to grow.

You know that thing that actions speak louder than words. The messages they currently have is Ops not interested in them. If Op wants to she can change that for the price of a coffee ☕️

I mean that is a bit dramatic isn't it ? She left because the baby wouldn't settle which is fine, they are irritated by the op leaving which is also fine imo. But i don't think the op can do anything about them being annoyed her baby is the.priority.

I’ll be honest, would have been pissed off with you before I had children.

After having children, I wouldn’t have expected you to make the effort to come at all and if you did, I wouldn’t have blamed you one bit for having to get back. Your baby would have been more important than the meal I paid for.

I would have suggested DH eat both meals 😂

Ah, don’t stress yourself. If you’ve got friends and family who are of the age where they might have kids, you’ve got to expect that either people won’t come to your wedding or something will happen that means they have to be with the kids. Some couples forget that their wedding might be the biggest day of their lives to them, but is a pretty inconvenient and expensive day out to people with kids. If they have kids they’ll realise how unreasonable they’re were.

Some people turn into complete self-obsessed @*@&#& when they get married.

You did what you needed to do. A breastfed baby isn't a "child" in the sense of a childfree wedding imo. If they really wanted you there they would have welcomed you taking your baby who needs you more than they do.

You did what you had to do. They can be disappointed that you had to leave early, but they should not be pissed off at you. They clearly have no understanding of the needs of little babies.

There was no emergency. I'm not surprised they were annoyed.

Your baby comes first, they'll get over it. Dont give it anymore headspace.

Of course you had to go back to your baby. If they really are annoyed then they are being unreasonable. Not sure what you can do about it, I would probably ignore it. They just don't understand babies.

Most people who have child free weddings I know still allow babes in arms for the very reason that they are so difficult to leave. Also you always expect a few guests not to make it to the wedding due to illness ect.

When you say small venue… how many guests were there?

Guessing you have very little to do with the couple usually?

Odd the best man let that slip. Why? Seems like a peculiar thing to mention post event.

id probably drop the couple a msg (if you even have their numbers!) to thank them for a lovely day and apologise you left early but DH really enjoyed.

They might not remember.
i had a friend who went mental because some friends brought a 3 DAY old baby (they should have left it at home!). A few years later she was in a panic about leaving a 3 year old for the day.

You'd think that people would remove crying babies from weddings but actually as a wedding photographer I can tell you they don't!
They loudly "shush, shush" or get up and walk around with them.
I've even been to a wedding where a mother was asked to take the baby outside and she loudly declared that her babies human rights were being infringed!

You carried on being friends with someone who went mental over a guest bringing a 3 day old to her wedding?

The guest in question must have been very very close to her if they brought a 3 day old to a wedding!! Why would you want to expose such a newborn unless really very close to the bride and groom