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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is this rude from a child? Age 6, furious reaction from teacher

863 replies

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

OP posts:
ragandbonewoman · 02/10/2025 23:25

Teachers should not be shouting at six year olds! It is a completely accepted culture amongst school staff that children get screamed at, it is shocking. I saw it when I volunteered in my child’s school that seemed otherwise a very passive and warm environment - children stepping out of line and being screamed at until they cried. It shocked me to my core.

Allthatshines1992 · 02/10/2025 23:26

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

Sounds like the other teacher thought he was trying to 'show his teacher up' so to speak.

Injury is damage, pain is an alarm signal, they're often linked but they aren't actually the same thing. A lot of people make this assumption though and the teacher could have taken the opportunity to explain that but looks like they didn't bother and just told the child off.

LivingTheDreamish · 02/10/2025 23:27

I know teachers have to enforce class discipline, and yes on the face of it your son's comment sounded like answering back (even if he didn't mean it that way) but I do think a gentle touch is required when they are so little. Not everyone is cut out for teaching the early years in my opinion. I'm sorry your little guy is having a tough year.

Blappengrap · 02/10/2025 23:28

RaininSummer · 02/10/2025 21:57

He was a bit cheeky and wrong. All the teacher probably meant was get on with your work and no silly interruptions.

Well then she should have said that. Far better to say what you actually mean.

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 23:28

paddyclampster · 02/10/2025 23:15

Oh. So teachers are supposed to put up with people speaking to them like shit all day? No wonder they are leaving in droves.

A 6 year old being a bit rude is not being spoken to like shit.
I’ve managed to deal with the year 6s I’ve worked with for several years without having a shouty rant at a child, because my behaviour management skills are better than that.

sugarapplelane · 02/10/2025 23:29

ragandbonewoman · 02/10/2025 23:25

Teachers should not be shouting at six year olds! It is a completely accepted culture amongst school staff that children get screamed at, it is shocking. I saw it when I volunteered in my child’s school that seemed otherwise a very passive and warm environment - children stepping out of line and being screamed at until they cried. It shocked me to my core.

Oh grow a pair. Shocked to your core at seeing a teacher shout at a child. Whatever next.
Shocked to your core if you accidentally walked into Auschwitz or Buchenwald maybe….
Diont be so dramatic

User1839474 · 02/10/2025 23:29

VikaOlson · 02/10/2025 21:53

I would speak to the teacher and find out what happened.

But if the teacher needed to do something and was very clearly telling the class not to disturb her, and immediately a child disturbs her with what sounds like quite a cheeky response, I can understand them being told off.

Teachers shouldn’t be shouting at 6 year olds & even if they didn’t actually shout they made him cry and that’s unacceptable. He wasn’t trying to be cheeky poor kid & even if he was it’s an over reaction to make him cry.

Cornishclio · 02/10/2025 23:31

On a different subject when did it become acceptable to call young children smart arses in a negative way? Surely that implies it is bad if children are smart/intelligent?

Blappengrap · 02/10/2025 23:31

ragandbonewoman · 02/10/2025 23:25

Teachers should not be shouting at six year olds! It is a completely accepted culture amongst school staff that children get screamed at, it is shocking. I saw it when I volunteered in my child’s school that seemed otherwise a very passive and warm environment - children stepping out of line and being screamed at until they cried. It shocked me to my core.

The first time a teacher yelled at DS was the last. I spoke to her about it and she said "yes I did it and I would do it again" and I immediately deregistered him and have home educated him ever since.
Children should be safe at school and there shouldn't be any verbal abuse.

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 23:31

ragandbonewoman · 02/10/2025 23:25

Teachers should not be shouting at six year olds! It is a completely accepted culture amongst school staff that children get screamed at, it is shocking. I saw it when I volunteered in my child’s school that seemed otherwise a very passive and warm environment - children stepping out of line and being screamed at until they cried. It shocked me to my core.

Not in my school it isn’t. Our head makes it absolutely clear that shouting at children is not acceptable.

RoamingToaster · 02/10/2025 23:31

Obviously you can't know for sure what happened but I do think at that age children can take things literally and don't think they're answering back. I think you can control the classroom without making children cry.

Blogswife · 02/10/2025 23:31

People are being ridiculous here !
If his version of events are to be believed he wasn’t being rude, it was a valid question . He even put his hand up ffs!
I’d ask Teacher for her version and to explain what actually happened to make DS so upset . Only when you’ve heard both sides can you decide what action to take

Homeycombed · 02/10/2025 23:32

I think you need to talk to the teacher OP. I can also understand how a six year old might want clarification on words he thinks have the same meaning - ironically, maybe because he wanted to ensure he complied with the teacher’s wishes. I think despite something feeling very off to you, you’re trying to keep an open mind - I have no idea why that has triggered the living daylights out of some of the posters on here.

GivingUpFinally · 02/10/2025 23:33

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:58

I would be happier if I could be reassured that he was being a smart arse and got a deserved ticking off. I’d rather that than worry about disproportionate reactions from teachers who can’t keep their tempers. Is what he said really rude though and not just a literal exploration of what the teacher has said?

Personally at 6 yo, I don't think he was being rude. To me it actually shows he's an intelligent child and noticing language usage vs meaning. (Although he was a little off the mark) Unless a child is being a danger or in danger I don't think teachers should be shouting at all. It's unprofessional. Also, it undermines the teacher who was giving the instruction if another stepped in and got involved. It's just poor form.

I would be speaking to the school. Whatever is happening it isclearly effecting his self confidence and causing him to be unhappy and anxious.

At 6 they are still so young and don't have the maturity yet to understand the full scenario of whatever had played out to lead up to the shouting. Also, pushing boundaries is part of learning and a huge milestone for children to overcome. Learning when and how not to push is also very important. But this sounds like it's damaged his framework for that and self confidence.

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 23:33

Cornishclio · 02/10/2025 23:31

On a different subject when did it become acceptable to call young children smart arses in a negative way? Surely that implies it is bad if children are smart/intelligent?

Smart arse has always been a negative regardless who it is aimed at.

Hiptothisjive · 02/10/2025 23:35

There isn’t a six year old on the planet that I would trust to tell the exact truth of what happened. Another parent not understanding that kids don’t always tell the whole story or get some of it wrong.

And yeah being a know it all to a teacher is rude.

petergriffinsdeadfrog · 02/10/2025 23:36

That’s a horrible thing for a teacher to say to such young kids. I completely get why at age 6 he said that in response as I was the same as a young child and was punished in school and at home for being literal in response, the snide term precocious was used. When I was 6 in primary school I was taken out of my class line after coming out of assembly. Apparently I’d been “talking” after we were told to be quiet. I technically had because I’d shushed another child to make them stop talking. I was asked “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” I said no. I’d never heard that phrase from anyone before so I didn’t understand why the teacher got even more angry with me when I said no. Teachers need to bloody understand where young kids are coming from when they make what the adult thinks is a mistake in speaking. I hope your DS is okay, he did nothing wrong!

Silvertulips · 02/10/2025 23:36

and the teacher could have taken the opportunity to explain that but looks like they didn't bother and just told the child off

The teachers instruction was to be quiet - why should she waste more time giving the child more info?

Maybe his parents could teach him some manners?

You quite often see only children think they are the centre of the universe - parents used to tell us to shut up when others are talking particularly adults.

Some kids got the skipper or cane - yet this hoo ha over being told off!

OP by all means go and demand an explanation or explain to your child he was rude.

He’s probably not getting his own way at school hence the dislike of the teacher.

SoOriginal · 02/10/2025 23:38

He was a smart arse and you should talk to him about that because it wasn’t an appropriate remark and it was rude… But he’s 6! They should have age appropriate behavioural management methods and shouting certainly isn’t one of them.

Get the teachers version, but if raised voices were used in a classroom setting then I’d be unhappy with that. He’s 6.

sas758 · 02/10/2025 23:38

partytimed · 02/10/2025 21:48

My DS was at school today and his teacher addressed the class saying “I don’t want to hear from you unless you need the toilet, you’re in pain or injured.” My DS raised his hand and said “I’m pain and injured is kind of the same thing.” Another teacher overheard and shouted at him so much he was crying and still crying about it at bedtime.

obviously I only have his account of the incident so this is all the detail I have. He didn’t think he had said anything wrong. I’ve noticed this year he’s complained of strict scary teachers and he’s becoming anxious about going to school. Would appreciate opinions on whether this apparently very big telling off was justified. He said his friends were comforting afterwards and he was crying and apologising whilst the teacher continued to shout.

Would flip my lid immediately, I've suffered anxiety in numerous settings and it's not nice. No teacher would make my child feel like that at school, I would definitely

speak up and clarify the situation.

surprisebaby12 · 02/10/2025 23:38

I would ask the teacher for their account and express concern about the tone of conversations

Cornishclio · 02/10/2025 23:39

Melancholyflower · 02/10/2025 23:33

Smart arse has always been a negative regardless who it is aimed at.

Yes I think it is rude, derogatory and offensive and would never use it either to another adult and definitely not a child.

sas758 · 02/10/2025 23:44

WalnutsAndFigs · 02/10/2025 21:56

Well he was being a smart arse wasn't he
It's very hard to know how much children embellish so I don't think anyone here can say for sure if the teacher was appropriately firm or figuratively transformed into a fire breathing monster

A smart arse at age 6 though ?

reversegear · 02/10/2025 23:44

Yes he was being rude and a smartarse. He really didn’t need to open his mouth at that point so next time maybe he will do as he’s told and be quiet? Is he not used to being told what to do or following instructions?

Fetaface · 02/10/2025 23:46

sas758 · 02/10/2025 23:44

A smart arse at age 6 though ?

Yes 6 year olds are often smart arses.